good day for girlscout

[Guest guest]

Hi Guys,

I am really really proud of how I handled a conflict this weekend and I

wanted to share my success! I swear it comes from this group and all the

reading I have been doing.

So, anyhoo, my boyfriend and I have lived together for about a year - we are

both old and so we each already own a home. I am renting out my home and

living with him in his.

He is from a huge happy family with 8 children who all talk to each other on

the phone no less at least once a month or more and have family parties and

chat online and play video games online together - lots and lots of

togetherness stuff. For me, one of 2 children and NC with the entire small

town I grew up in, this is a LOT of family for me to try to struggle with.

Not to mention one of his sisters is loony but that's another story.

Anyway, his family likes to " drop in " on us a lot. Sure, they call him and

give 10 minutes notice or so, and then they show up. And, I've told

him I hate it when they drop in but they still drop in. It drives me CRAZY

for several reasons and here they are:

1) I don't have the choice to say yes or no as the calls are just

" courtesy, " saying I am on my way over, not asking " is this a good time? " I

can't STAND not having a choice

2) Girlscout does not have a single spontaneous bone in her body. If you

want to drop in at my house, I need to build it into my freaking schedule

which means, for me to be comfortable with it, I need a week notice. Yes

YES, I need a week! I prefer a month but I need a week. That's how my mind

and day planner works! I need that week to make sure I have time to get the

house clean, have a cool beverage and snack to offer, to make sure I have

showered and done my hair and makeup because I don't always do my makeup on

weekends, sometimes I just chill. I run a very tight schedule because I'm

involved in so much stuff.

3) I want to be a freaking gracious hostess instead of meeting them at the

door in my PJs like my nada would have.

Ok, so, Saturday I was feeling sick. I ran out just for an hour to attend a

dance class. During the class I got a text message from honey (this is

already sort of a no, no because I'm in a semi-professional group so I don't

take calls during class, it's just an hour long class one time per week,

come on) saying my brother is on his way over and i hope that is okay!

Arrgh, no it's not, I haven't washed my hair in a couple days and I'm

wearing a really dorky outfit because everything is in the washer,

basically, only the girls I dance with are allowed to see me like that. So,

when class is over I call back and say " NO, THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME "

Well, boyfriend's brother was already there. And boyfriend wouldn't tell him

it wasn't a good time (which I would have done for him but that's another

story). So, I decided not to go home, not to play nice, and I took my wreck

of a dirty-haired, dorky outfitted self shopping and got 4 new pairs of

shoes on sale nonetheless. And a new handbag, I'm nothing if not a ho for

handbags.

First of all, I was proud of my decision to stick with my boundary of NO

DROP INS. But, I'm even prouder of how I handled talking to my boyfriend

about it. In the past I have tried to be accomodating of his family, and I

haven't explained clearly that I do not want any drop ins ever. So, this

time I wrote a note that clearly explained my boundary.

I'm so proud because I admitted and that I wasn't able to express my

boundary clearly before that day because until I got the message that

brother was there, I didn't know myself how strongly I felt about it. I

admitted that I don't know everything about myself! I didn't try to be

" right " I just tried to be understood.

I explained in the note that I need 48 hours notice minimum before they drop

in, and explained what " in " meant. I was clear and I asked for what I

needed. And I made my actions (not going home until brother was gone)

congruent with my wishes. Boyfriend understood and although he was upset

that I was gone for 3 and a half hours, he wasn't upset with me and he was

glad that I admitted that I wasn't clear about it because I didn't know how

I felt myself but that I am able to explain it now!

I didn't compromise, I admitted that I am not all knowing, and I made my

actions and words congruent. Sounds like mental health to me! Kisses,

girlscout