Re: Charlotte: Need pain med advice/depression has taken over

[Guest guest]

I'm in a bad space. Depression has taken me down a very dark path. I'm afraid

to get another job since I lost the last one due to missing too much work

because of excruciating pain, but financially can't go without one.

I feel totally defeated, and very alone. I live in my room, I sometimes eat when

I have to, and alienate myself from people aside from my 17-20 year old kids.

I long for the person I used to be, and I hate who I've become. I can't even

blame it on the illness and the pain, or can I?

This is where it gets confusing. People , mainly my docs, tell me to just move

through the pain and buck up. However, this pain mottles my thoughts and causes

me to zone out so I can make it through without going insane.

I even considered having myself committed, but they would probably just tell me

I'm not depressed enough to be there. I just don't know how much longer I can do

this dance with the pain, the depression, and the yearning for some normalcy and

life without so much anguish.

Lottie

[Guest guest]

Charlotte wrote:

> I feel totally defeated, and very alone. I live in my room, I sometimes eat

when I have to, and alienate myself from people aside from my 17-20 year old

kids.

>

> I even considered having myself committed, but they would probably just tell

me I'm not depressed enough to be there. I just don't know how much longer I can

do this dance with the pain, the depression, and the yearning for some normalcy

and life without so much anguish.

Hi Lottie

I can really relate to what you wrote. There were some dark times in my earlier

days where I felt what you are feeling now. Bucking up is much easier said than

done.

If you aren't seeing a psychiatrist, please make an appointment with one and

tell her/him the absolute truth about how you are feeling and behaving.

--

Lyndi

Wishing I had a magic wand

[Guest guest]

Dear Charlotte:

Are you on any kind of anti-deppressant right now? If so, it may be time to

tell your Dr that perscribed it that you are feeling this way! It may be a time

for a change in dose or the medications altogether.

Depression is an ugly monster that seems to take hold of those most in need of

being in control over a bad situation. I suffer dramatic bouts of depression

myself from time to time. My medication seems to be doing the trick since we

upped the dose this last time but I am ALWAYS aware of the signs and symptoms

because you just never know!

I know that weather has a lot to do with how we feel too, so if the weather is

cold or drreary or even rainy/snowy, it can affect your mental status.

I agree with Lyndi that you should seek outside advice from a doctor or health

professional that deals with depression, its not a creature to take lightly!

You can e-mail me off group if you would like, I am always around.

PS: If Lyndi finds that magic wand, I think she needs to share whereever she

found it!!!

Sincerely and with much empathy for your situation,

Tammy

& quot;Smiling is the first step towards laughing, which happens to be the best

step towards healing...unless you have just had abdominal surgery! & quot;

~Tammy

[Guest guest]

Lottie,

Just a few short months ago, I felt exactly the same way. In fact, I was

obsessed with thoughts of suicide, because I just couldn't take the pain

anymore. And couldn't take the meds and their side-effects of mental fogginess

and fatigue. Everything seemed hopeless, and taking my own life truly sounded

like a good idea. I had it all planned out, and even told my therapist about my

plans. He knew better than to try to talk me out of it, but of course he was

working subtly to get me to address the issue and change my way of thinking.

Then something sparked, and I told my pain doc that I " wasn't doing well

mentally. " I didn't mention suicide to him, just said that I thought I needed

something for my depression. He prescribed Zoloft, and within a week or so, the

suicidal cloud had lifted. I still wasn't a happy camper, but I was able to work

with my therapist on why I'd been suicidal and figure out ways to live with the

pain and disability.

Please, if you haven't done so already, make an appointment with a

psychiatrist or psychotherapist. And in the meantime, tell your pain doc that

you need an antidepressant. It's a vicious cycle: The pain makes you depressed,

and depression increases the pain level, which in turn increases the depression.

On and on and on. You need to break this cycle with an antidepressant and with

talk therapy.

In the meantime, don't do anything rash. Help IS out there. And please

remember that this time of year, with its sometimes forced gaiety, can aggravate

your depression. Wait and see how you feel next year.

Hugs,

a

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I agree with a 100%. Chronic pain causes depression, depression

makes your pain worse. It is a horrible cycle, but one that you can

control once you get pain medication and anti-depressant medication

that works for you.

Everyone is different, so the meds that people suggest may not work for you. The

only downside I have had with anti-depressants is the time it takes for them to

work. It is not a quick fix.

Be prepared for this by knowing that it can take 2-4 weeks

before you see a difference. Just don't give up. I think a lot of us

here have had those same thoughts, me included, and I just didn't

want to admit that I was depressed. We are all in the same boat here,

you can row along with us.

Tricia

>a wrote:

>He prescribed Zoloft, and within a week or so, the suicidal cloud had lifted. I

still wasn't a happy camper, but I was able to work with my therapist on why I'd

been suicidal and figure out ways to live with the pain and disability.

[Guest guest]

Lottie wrote:

I'm in a bad space.

---------

Hi, I am going through the same thing right now. I didn't even get out

of bed for christmas my 13 year old son and his father opened presents

and later my mom, brother and father-in-law came over. I just staid in

my bed room.

I'm always in pain. I take oxycodone which make me sleep all the time

and I feel deeply depressed. It's a vicious circle I just want my old

self back so bad. I'm so tired of this life living in pain, tired all

the time from the meds; depressed where I don't even want to get out

of bed or do anything. I can totally relate.

[Guest guest]

<Lottie wrote:

>

> I'm in a bad space. Depression has taken me down a very dark path.

I'm afraid to get another job since I lost the last one due to

missing too much work because of excruciating pain, but financially

can't go without one.

Hi Lottie

I can relate to this on so many levels. I went back to work about

four months ago after taking five months off. My depression prior to

go back to work was completely taking over my life. I did not want

to set foot outside the house. I only dealt with people when I

absolutely had to. And, like you, people that have no clue were

telling me that I had to just " suck it up " .

I started taking anti-depressants to help get at least a little

control of my mood. Going back to work has NOT been easy at all.

There are days where it takes me no less than an hour to actually get

out of bed.

Many days I have to force myself to go to work despite the pain that I feel.

While at work, every bit of energy that I have is spent trying to hide the pain

that I feel. When I get home, I am so exhausted from the effort it takes to

keep my pain a secret. I rarely have the energy left to make dinner let alone

do anything else.

The anti-depressant that I take has made it possible to at least

appear normal to my co-workers while I wait for benefits that will

make more treatment options a possibility. It is not a perfect

situation, but I at least feel as if I am being proactive in

creating a better life for myself.

Sometimes that is enough to keep me from slipping into a deeper depression,

other times it isn't. You are in my thoughts and I truly hope that you seek out

the help of someone that knows the devastating effects depression and pain has

on people.

Warmest Wishes,

Lynn

[Guest guest]

Totally understand. I am about to lose my job because I have missed

too many days. It really sux

Kat