Re: lonlely

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am sorry your family blames everything on your pain medication. I do not

think you are being rediculous on how you feel about dating. It is how you

feel. I know a few people that feel the same way and I know a few people that

are afraid to start dating because of their disability. I am sending internet

hugs your way!

Love,

Becky/SD

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

,

Don't let physical pain let you live alone and in

fear. Everyone, healthy or not, has good and bad

things about them. It isn't fair to overlook all of

the positive things about yourself and not let others

see it or get to know you. If someone has a problem

with it, it's their loss. There are many of people

out there who will love and accept you, pain and all.

I suffer from chronic pain, have 4 children (13-1),

and a husband in medical school. Sometimes I do get

frustrated, and my husband does also, when I am is

such bad pain that I just have to go to bed and drop

everything on him to deal with. As much as that

sucks, the times when my pain levels are lower are all

the better. It has made us much more appreciative of

good times in life.

Be around quality people as much as possible. I have

found that having a support system is the best way for

me to not give in the the pain, and give up.

Hang in there.

bren

--- tallpaul610 wrote:

> Hello everyone!

> I was going through divorce at the time of my car

> accident, which has left me in chronic pain.

> I have not dated and feel that it would be unfair

> to date anyone I didn't know prior to the accident. Is this

> rediculous?

[Guest guest]

I too choose not to date. I know it is probably not the best but I

cannot really go anywhere without doubleing up on my pain meds.

I have one friend that comes over everyday to check on me but I know

she must get bored because I do not have much to say after being at

home all day.

I did promise myself I would get out and date and I plan too.

I decided I am not just my pain and I will not make it the focus of

any relationship.

YOu have something to offer someone. All dating situations will not

work out for anyone, not even those with pain.

Find someone who is interested in things you like, do not bring up

the pain, but talk about the things you love and those who love you.

Start slowly and do not move too fast.

Good Luck, Sherrin

[Guest guest]

>Most of my family does'nt unerstand what I'm going through<

Hi

What you wrote the other day really struck me, hard. Just seeing the

word LONELY, from someone else, crazy as it may seem- made me feel

less lonely. It is hard to put into words.

I was diagnosed with CRPS in March of 07, that is the same month my

husband said he " did not sign up for this " and asked for a divorce.

My heart was broken. I was so in love with him, my second husband.

The pain that I felt at that time, mentally and physically, was

absolutely crippling. I managed to keep working until the end of

July, then my doctor signed me off work. This was an attempt to knock

the CRPS outta me with 5 day a week aqua and physical therapy, along

with increased meds- including- Lyrica, Fentanyl patches,

Nortriptilyne, Celexa, Valium, Ambien, and Ativan. Unfortunately,

this protocol has not worked. I see a neuropsychotherapist, and we

talk about the effects of stress on pain levels and the progression

of my CRPS from my left leg to my left arm. I also now have seizures,

and they are not sure where they are from, my meds or my chronic

illness.

I use a cane to walk, and I use those powered carts in the stores. I

feel like a freak at times. I am 36 years old. I had lost 84 lbs

before this happened, and now I am gaining weight back that I fought

so darn hard to lose. I have 3 boys ages 17,15,and 7. I can see that

they are losing respect for me, as I currently am embroiled in a case

against my employer for my long term disability benefits, filed and

was denied social security, and have no income except child support

and food stamps.

We had to move in with my parents, which has become increasing

volatile. My step father has alzheimers and is very very cruel. He

constantly rants on and on about us being here and ruining his life.

Mostly because of my finances. He whispers terrible things to me when

my mom leaves the room. He taunts my children into fits of rage. He

insights in-fighting. My mom is just a shadow of her former self,

same as me. Neither of us know what to do.

Dating? HAHAHAHA! I feel like that will never happen again. I need to

work so many things out for myself, first. I would love to find my

old self again, my strong self. The person I was before the chronic

pain.

I feel so much for what you are going through, . I guess what I

have had to say in this post, was not helpful to you. It helped me to

vent. I have been having some bad days, due to cold weather.

I truly hope that you find yourself again. We are inside ourselves,

just hidden and crushed by the pain.

Sorry this is so long everyone. I just really needed somewhere to

vent, where people understand. 's post provoked me, I guess.

in PA

[Guest guest]

The main difficulty is really meeting people, at least for me. And

like so many have said it's just difficult to think about anything

else, so i always fear that i will not be able to be present with

anybody, i wonder if other people feel the same way?

But mostly, i don't date because i'm just so wrapped up in trying to

get myself functional (and my condition is progressive), that adding

something else to the mix, it's just alot (though obviously to find

someone would be great).

The analogy is like owning your own small business, it just takes up

all your time.

It is the suffering thing, your're right Cheryl, but the thing for me

is that i had issues BEFORE i started having symptoms, so now it's

just that much more leaning towards not leaving my house but to get

food. Whew...

Maybe it's just about forgiveness in the end.

Tym

>

> --- " tallpaul610 " <tallpaul610@> wrote:

> >

> > I have not dated and feel that it would be unfair to date anyone I

> > didn't know prior to the accident. Is this rediculous?

>

> Hello -

>

> Welcome to the list, although I'm sorry for the pain that brought you

> here.

>

> Why would you feel it was unfair to date someone who did not know you

> BP (Before Pain?) If you're like me, you're a very different person -

> and maybe even a better, more tolerant, more compassionate person! -

> since having to deal with chronic pain. So why not let someone get

> to know the better " new you, " instead of only spending time with

> people who are stuck with their expectations of what you were like

> before you were injured? That seems much more unfair, especially to

> you!

>

> To give you some hope, I have a very good friend who is married to a

> man who suffered polio as a child, and suffered even more from post-

> polio syndrome that hit in his 40s, confining him to a wheelchair and

> degrading his health horribly. She met and married him AFTER the

> post-polio syndrome hit, so she's never even known him when he could

> get around on crutches and was relatively healthy. Does she wish

> she'd known him when he was younger and stronger? No. It just

> doesn't matter to her. He's who she loves and she deals with his

> health as it comes.

>

> There are people out there who can look past the disabilities and see

> the person, not what that person can do or not do. So give yourself

> and that potential person out there the gift of getting to know the

> wonderful you as you are now - and of course, keep working on always

> making yourself the best possible person you can be despite your

> pain!

>

> My mantra is, " Pain may be inevitable, but suffering is optional. "

>

> Cheryl in AZ

> Moderator

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I haven't been around the group much lately, what good timing to see

your question.

It's also been very difficult for me to get out there socially and

date. It's been 2 1/2 years since my accident, and I still have a

hard time accepting the fact that the pain is relentless and that I am

on disability. I feel like I'm a potential liability.

I have my first date in a long time tomorrow night. He didn't know me

prior to my accident, and he is aware that I have back and neck

problems and that I'm on disability.

Fortunately, I saw my therapist last night, and he knocked some sense

into me. It's not about who I was before. So what if my mind isn't

as sharp and my apartment isn't as clean as it used to be. I may

actually be more approachable than I was in the past. He also

reminded me not to think of the disability aspect, but focus on

ability. He also mentioned that I was 'glowing.'

The hard part now is that I'm flaring up, I'm nauseated and my doctor

called off today. I'm due for another injection for my cervical

headaches. I'll make up for it by icing and resting more than usual

tomorrow.

Despite everything, I'm feeling more confident because this person

sought me out and that I'm taking a step toward having a romantic life

once again.

Go for it! You may meet several people who aren't right for you, even

if it weren't for your chronic pain. That's dating. Good luck,

remember to take time to focus on your abilities.

Jackie in MI

wrote:

> Does anyone else feel unworthy of companionship do to their problems?

> Thank you all for yourpast and future posts on living in

> " our " world,

>

[Guest guest]

I was going through divorce at the time of my car accident, which

has left me in chronic pain. I have not dated and feel that it would be unfair

to date anyone I didn't know prior to the accident. Is this ridiculous?

>

Hello ,

Before I make any dates, I tell them about my chronic pain and how

I " deal " with it. If they ask if I am " on " drugs I tell them 'no'

In my mind, to be on drugs would make me an addict,which I'm not. I

am on medication.

Back in January, I stopped all Vicodin High Potency and all my

'other pain pills',believe me, that hurt, but I got used to it, they

never knew because I had to b go back on the medications do to

another fracture and circumferentail herniation with an osteophyte

(bone spur) indentind and going though my thecal sac(outer protective

covering of the spinal cord)and just touching my spinal cord. There

are new 'side effects' to that one,but I'm handling it now with

gabapentin three times a day,and it seems to keep the tremors down

now. My girl friend now understands, and helps me in anyway she can.

So , don't be afraid to ask, it'll be your first step to

happiness.

Sorry for the long letter.

Take caare, /New York