I have to come to some type of resolution

February 21, 2011

I am at the point where I have to come face-to-face with the fact that our

son just might not get any better. Financially we are drained...emotionally,

well I don't even know if I have any emotions left. I came to grips with the

fact that was not being 'bad' because of bad parenting just this year

(I think..). I came to grips with it but it still hurts a lot when he can't

even be left alone without destroying things, making fun of other kids or

just being hard to be around.

Today I let him travel with my friend and her son in her van. It was a

complete disaster. As soon as he got in the van he started picking at her

son and then flinging her purse around the van. She said she had to pull

over and speak to him several times. I can't put him into any group

activities because he is too old to have me supervising for most of them and

he is too hyperactive and mean-spirited to the other kids for the leaders to

take him. We tried Beavers last year and I was the Beaver Leader so that I

could keep my eye on him. I could not put him Cubs this year as I know he

would be too disruptive to the class and they don't allow me supervise.

It breaks my heart and I feel that it may be too late to help him. We have

tried, and are trying, as best as we can. We can't afford to fly to Dr.

G and we aren't seeing a lot of change with while on milk-free, low

sugar, Nystatin, Valtrex, etc. He is still as hyper and mean-spirited as he

was when he was 2...not a lot has changed. I feel like he is missing out on

so much in his life. A child who could read at 2 and do chess at 4 but can't

be left alone for a minute because he might hurt another human being and

grin about it while doing it. I am having a bad day but it isn't unlike many

others. I don't have my 'cry spot' anymore but that doesn't mean I would

like to ball up and cry in one tonight.

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