Re: acceptance of ``A``

[Guest guest]

I don't know anything about Sonrise, just wanted to comment on acceptance....

I agree with the meaning of accepting just for today, or at least just this

minute.  It's one of the big 12-step recovery tools (there's a lot of that in

my

family), and it doesn't mean being 'ok' with anything.  It means being ok even

though something is really sucking.  It's hard for me to understand, and it's

hard to stay in that place, but it's worth it when I accomplish it.  I never

'accepted' autism, in the sense that there wasn't something we could and would

do about it. 

I've fought with every penny I've had and every bit of energy I've had to help

my kids, and I've fought with CFS and my own severe cognitive meltdowns and

anxiety.  I have NEVER thought that what today is like is the best there is. 

Truly, nothing is ever good enough, even if things are going great.   There's

not a point in our lives that we would ever not need to continue growing even if

everything were perfectly normal.  There's not a thing about autism that I

wouldn't stamp out, except that unique intelligence and humor, but I don't see

that as autism anyway - that's just my kid shining thru.

Acceptance is a powerful tool to help a parent emotionally - I've had to fight

to gain acceptance over and over and over, but when I'm " in that state " , I have

soooo much more energy to see around me, and then sometimes something clicks in

my head that I couldn't see before.  Acceptance just means I'm not freaking out

inside (I do that more than I accept) while I take the steps I need to address

whatever problem.  Acceptance should never include giving up.  If anything, it

should free up a little mental energy to help you. 

When I'm in a negative mood, it worsens everything around me, especially the

kids' behavior.  Who said kids on the spectrum aren't empathic??  They

certainly

do feel it.  When I'm not in a state of .... whatever .. panic, anxiety (which

completely shuts me down), and especially anger, then once in a while I get

playful, and it spreads to the kids and everything just flows so much better.

Another tool is detatchment - detatching with love.  I 'get' that one even

less,

but I understand enough to know that it is separating your emotions and ability

to be happy from what is going on with your loved one.  I think of it this way

(and I could be wrong):  In a crisis, say someone is injured and needs

immediate

assistance.  They're in pain, terrified, screaming, panicking... or maybe they

need CPR or they're going to die, and we're the person who can help them.  To

stay cool in a crisis is to detach emotionally from that crisis, because the

emotions involved can diminish your ability to help a person in dire need of

your help.  I can remember lots of incidents that I should have been terrified

or grossed out.  I've always found it so odd how when something really bad or

painful happens, how I change in my head and become very calm - a state that

isn't very natural to me.  Then imagine taking that power and using it during

a

child's meltdown, or aggressive attack, or headbanging, etc.  It changes how

we

react to something, and it's a blessing, a self-protective measure, and it gives

you incredible mental strength and clarity. 

We have every right as parents to enjoy something about our life even if -

especially if - our kids have autism.  It took me a long time to believe that,

and even more to begin to look at how I'm going to accomplish that.  (Since I

swore off street bikes until they're older, I definitely made that harder.) 

When we go so long without joy that isn't centered around someone else, we start

forgetting how to experience it.  We also lose the network of people that help

us experience it.  It's not enough for us to feel joy because our kid made a

new

sound, or played well at the playground with someone else, although those things

bring the *greatest* joy.  We have to be able to experience some life outside

of

autism, and I observe a few people who actually do it pretty well.

My kids are 9 & 11.  They're still 'on the spectrum', but doing (at this moment -

last year was pure hell) really quite well.  My second child is actually a mess

cognitively, but he's a bright happy loving kid who likes himself and likes

others around him easily.  My oldest is doing really well, but he's less

confident and less happy inside himself, so I consider the kid who's a mess

better off than the bright-eyed unhappy one.  I find myself in that place of

acceptance right now for where we are, because I understand that my youngest has

been hit with illnesses and this is his regression, and I accept my oldest's

place right now because first, it's way better than it was even as late as

January, & because I also understand the social is the last to come.  Plus I

remember that misery inside myself too, so I know it doesn't have to be

permanent.  I've found acceptance many times, and it always seems to be

grounded

in faith that this isn't permanent - something I attribute to Dr Goldberg by

giving me the faith that this can be treated, as well as living a lot of this

experience myself and finding that no particular state of mind and health is

permanent.

Now don't ask me how to go about finding a life outside of autism - I'm only

starting the process of waking up out of my crazy.  I hope it lasts.

 

________________________________

From: Kathi <kathi0908@...>

Sent: Thu, March 17, 2011 9:43:54 AM

Subject: RE: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

 

Hi Lori,

I'm not sure you totally understand what was saying; It's kind of like

accepting them for where they are right NOW. Not that you accept it here

and forever and therefore will do nothing about it to change it for the

better. Sonrise IS all about doing something about it. BUT, people

sometimes harbor negative feelings and our kids can feel it. I mean of

course we are sad, frustrated, etc, but we need to stop and accept where

they are NOW and work to connect with them to then help them move on.

I attended the start up program and believe me, it's all about doing

something; it's actually quite a task they put on you as parentsJ! It's

about never giving up on your kiddo. The basic theme is that you join them

in their world, build trust/relationship, gain eye contact, then slowly

bring them into ours. For example, my son loves to smoosh his face in his

blanket or look at shadows on the wall with his hands, I simply join him in

whatever stim he's doing until he gives me the green light (=looks at me,

says a word to me, touches me). That green light shows he wants some type

of interaction with me, which is huge (therefore, pulling him out of his

world a bit). You keep joining them until they want to be with you more and

more in your world and less in theirs. That's a simple, quick explanation

of it, but it's really wonderful b/c you join them in their stims and I'll

tell you, you start to feel what it does for them; some of the stims are

really calming. We all have stims, we just do what's more socially

acceptable (like tapping a pen on our desk or bouncing our leg up and down

really fast while sitting).

Now, they do talk a little about digestive problems (very little), but this

is not their forte or experience. It's one thing that kind of was missing

for me, but what I did was take what I could learn and use it for my son,

while still working on his major digestive issues and immune dysfunction.

The people that started this don't have a son with major health issues, he

was more just in his own world. Although he does talk and tout the

digestive enzymes. For us, that's not even touching what my Liam has been

through or needs medically. So, this approach may be just ONE piece of the

puzzle for some children. It's just one little piece for us, but it's a

wonderful way to approach the child and it's helped our Liam start to look

more in our eyes and talk.

Hope that helps and makes sense!

Kathi

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lori

Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 8:55 AM

Subject: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

was when diagnosed with ``A``.

He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting that

my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to me that

my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

medications without insurance because we are out of country.

I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

were, all appropriate for their age.

Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years. He is a

good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his kind

demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they worked

would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

accomplishing amazing things.

Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

the most.

I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

them short.

This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many doctors

told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

``experts`` and he is only 12!

Lori

_____

From: <mailto:%40>

[mailto: <mailto:%40> ] On Behalf Of

Sent: March-15-11 8:08 PM

<mailto:%40>

Subject: Re: Re Sonrise Program - trust your gut instinct

We have not done Son-Rise, but maybe will someday. I really like the combo

of an ABA preschool and floortime at home.

I have read through quite a bit of Son-Rise and one of the principles hit

home with me so much; basicaly that your child will not grow until you

accept him the way he is.

Man, what an eye opener. Of course I love my son, but did I accept him? I

think I did to a point, but then really had to thin about it and have a very

honest conversation with myself. I still want the best for my son, I still

want to heal him. But really do love and accept him now the way he is, and

you know what? He has definitely progressed more with that way of thinking.

I dont think it was a large change for me, or him, but it really has helped.

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for this thread. It is quite a dilemma. I have been on

my oldest (14) trying to get him to stop hand talking all the time. I

keep telling him, it's okay to do at home, if he feels he really needs

to, but to do this in public, people will think he is very odd. I have

joined in with him in it a few times and he really did love it and we

did connect more but I more often try to get him to stop it. So maybe if

I join in with him more and use that to really connect with him and then

get him to find some kind of stim that's less bizarre looking? maybe

this would be more effective then telling him to knock it off? Just

throwing this out there because I really would like to help my son stop

this. We have been 9 years with Dr G and he still does this, so I know

it's some habit we need to change. Thanks for any input. Jerri

>

> I don't know anything about Sonrise, just wanted to comment on

> acceptance....

>

> I agree with the meaning of accepting just for today, or at least just

> this

> minute. It's one of the big 12-step recovery tools (there's a lot of

> that in my

> family), and it doesn't mean being 'ok' with anything. It means being

> ok even

> though something is really sucking. It's hard for me to understand,

> and it's

> hard to stay in that place, but it's worth it when I accomplish it. I

> never

> 'accepted' autism, in the sense that there wasn't something we could

> and would

> do about it.

>

> I've fought with every penny I've had and every bit of energy I've had

> to help

> my kids, and I've fought with CFS and my own severe cognitive

> meltdowns and

> anxiety. I have NEVER thought that what today is like is the best

> there is.

> Truly, nothing is ever good enough, even if things are going great.

> There's

> not a point in our lives that we would ever not need to continue

> growing even if

> everything were perfectly normal. There's not a thing about autism

> that I

> wouldn't stamp out, except that unique intelligence and humor, but I

> don't see

> that as autism anyway - that's just my kid shining thru.

>

> Acceptance is a powerful tool to help a parent emotionally - I've had

> to fight

> to gain acceptance over and over and over, but when I'm " in that

> state " , I have

> soooo much more energy to see around me, and then sometimes something

> clicks in

> my head that I couldn't see before. Acceptance just means I'm not

> freaking out

> inside (I do that more than I accept) while I take the steps I need to

> address

> whatever problem. Acceptance should never include giving up. If

> anything, it

> should free up a little mental energy to help you.

>

> When I'm in a negative mood, it worsens everything around me,

> especially the

> kids' behavior. Who said kids on the spectrum aren't empathic?? They

> certainly

> do feel it. When I'm not in a state of .... whatever .. panic,

> anxiety (which

> completely shuts me down), and especially anger, then once in a while

> I get

> playful, and it spreads to the kids and everything just flows so much

> better.

>

> Another tool is detatchment - detatching with love. I 'get' that one

> even less,

> but I understand enough to know that it is separating your emotions

> and ability

> to be happy from what is going on with your loved one. I think of it

> this way

> (and I could be wrong): In a crisis, say someone is injured and needs

> immediate

> assistance. They're in pain, terrified, screaming, panicking... or

> maybe they

> need CPR or they're going to die, and we're the person who can help

> them. To

> stay cool in a crisis is to detach emotionally from that crisis,

> because the

> emotions involved can diminish your ability to help a person in dire

> need of

> your help. I can remember lots of incidents that I should have been

> terrified

> or grossed out. I've always found it so odd how when something really

> bad or

> painful happens, how I change in my head and become very calm - a

> state that

> isn't very natural to me. Then imagine taking that power and using it

> during a

> child's meltdown, or aggressive attack, or headbanging, etc. It

> changes how we

> react to something, and it's a blessing, a self-protective measure,

> and it gives

> you incredible mental strength and clarity.

>

> We have every right as parents to enjoy something about our life even

> if -

> especially if - our kids have autism. It took me a long time to

> believe that,

> and even more to begin to look at how I'm going to accomplish that.

> (Since I

> swore off street bikes until they're older, I definitely made that

> harder.)

> When we go so long without joy that isn't centered around someone

> else, we start

> forgetting how to experience it. We also lose the network of people

> that help

> us experience it. It's not enough for us to feel joy because our kid

> made a new

> sound, or played well at the playground with someone else, although

> those things

> bring the *greatest* joy. We have to be able to experience some life

> outside of

> autism, and I observe a few people who actually do it pretty well.

>

> My kids are 9 & 11. They're still 'on the spectrum', but doing (at this

> moment -

> last year was pure hell) really quite well. My second child is

> actually a mess

> cognitively, but he's a bright happy loving kid who likes himself and

> likes

> others around him easily. My oldest is doing really well, but he's less

> confident and less happy inside himself, so I consider the kid who's a

> mess

> better off than the bright-eyed unhappy one. I find myself in that

> place of

> acceptance right now for where we are, because I understand that my

> youngest has

> been hit with illnesses and this is his regression, and I accept my

> oldest's

> place right now because first, it's way better than it was even as

> late as

> January, & because I also understand the social is the last to come.

> Plus I

> remember that misery inside myself too, so I know it doesn't have to be

> permanent. I've found acceptance many times, and it always seems to

> be grounded

> in faith that this isn't permanent - something I attribute to Dr

> Goldberg by

> giving me the faith that this can be treated, as well as living a lot

> of this

> experience myself and finding that no particular state of mind and

> health is

> permanent.

>

> Now don't ask me how to go about finding a life outside of autism -

> I'm only

> starting the process of waking up out of my crazy. I hope it lasts.

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Kathi <kathi0908@... <mailto:kathi0908%40verizon.net>>

> <mailto:%40>

> Sent: Thu, March 17, 2011 9:43:54 AM

> Subject: RE: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

>

>

> Hi Lori,

>

> I'm not sure you totally understand what was saying; It's kind

> of like

> accepting them for where they are right NOW. Not that you accept it here

> and forever and therefore will do nothing about it to change it for the

> better. Sonrise IS all about doing something about it. BUT, people

> sometimes harbor negative feelings and our kids can feel it. I mean of

> course we are sad, frustrated, etc, but we need to stop and accept where

> they are NOW and work to connect with them to then help them move on.

>

> I attended the start up program and believe me, it's all about doing

> something; it's actually quite a task they put on you as parentsJ! It's

> about never giving up on your kiddo. The basic theme is that you join them

> in their world, build trust/relationship, gain eye contact, then slowly

> bring them into ours. For example, my son loves to smoosh his face in his

> blanket or look at shadows on the wall with his hands, I simply join

> him in

> whatever stim he's doing until he gives me the green light (=looks at me,

> says a word to me, touches me). That green light shows he wants some type

> of interaction with me, which is huge (therefore, pulling him out of his

> world a bit). You keep joining them until they want to be with you

> more and

> more in your world and less in theirs. That's a simple, quick explanation

> of it, but it's really wonderful b/c you join them in their stims and I'll

> tell you, you start to feel what it does for them; some of the stims are

> really calming. We all have stims, we just do what's more socially

> acceptable (like tapping a pen on our desk or bouncing our leg up and down

> really fast while sitting).

>

> Now, they do talk a little about digestive problems (very little), but

> this

> is not their forte or experience. It's one thing that kind of was missing

> for me, but what I did was take what I could learn and use it for my son,

> while still working on his major digestive issues and immune dysfunction.

> The people that started this don't have a son with major health issues, he

> was more just in his own world. Although he does talk and tout the

> digestive enzymes. For us, that's not even touching what my Liam has been

> through or needs medically. So, this approach may be just ONE piece of the

> puzzle for some children. It's just one little piece for us, but it's a

> wonderful way to approach the child and it's helped our Liam start to look

> more in our eyes and talk.

>

> Hope that helps and makes sense!

> Kathi

>

> From: <mailto:%40>

> [mailto: <mailto:%40>] On

> Behalf Of Lori

>

> Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 8:55 AM

> <mailto:%40>

> Subject: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

>

> I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

> was when diagnosed with ``A``.

>

> He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting

> that

> my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

>

> We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to

> me that

> my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

> have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

> Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

> medications without insurance because we are out of country.

>

> I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

> expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

> were, all appropriate for their age.

>

> Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

> musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

> are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years.

> He is a

> good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his

> kind

> demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

>

> Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

> talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

> Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they

> worked

> would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

>

> I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

> acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

> accomplishing amazing things.

>

> Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

> the most.

>

> I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

> them short.

>

> This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many

> doctors

> told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

> way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

> ``experts`` and he is only 12!

>

> Lori

>

> _____

>

> From: <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> [mailto: <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40> ] On Behalf Of

>

> Sent: March-15-11 8:08 PM

> <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> Subject: Re: Re Sonrise Program - trust your gut instinct

>

> We have not done Son-Rise, but maybe will someday. I really like the combo

> of an ABA preschool and floortime at home.

>

> I have read through quite a bit of Son-Rise and one of the principles hit

> home with me so much; basicaly that your child will not grow until you

> accept him the way he is.

>

> Man, what an eye opener. Of course I love my son, but did I accept him? I

> think I did to a point, but then really had to thin about it and have

> a very

> honest conversation with myself. I still want the best for my son, I still

> want to heal him. But really do love and accept him now the way he is, and

> you know what? He has definitely progressed more with that way of

> thinking.

> I dont think it was a large change for me, or him, but it really has

> helped.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't post much, I mainly read all your posts.

 

This sonrise therapy sounds contradictory to me. I read the book many years ago

and I was at that point where everything sounded good to treat my child. But

this " trying to connect " by stimming with your child, never sounded right to me.

I saw it as encouraging the stimming. I tried it just to see how he would react

and he loved it. So he would do it more. Then whenever I tried to get him out of

it, his reaction was more like " wait a minute we are having fun doing this,

let's not change it now. "

 

I would prefer to connect with my child in a different way, doing something

positive instead. Maybe sonrise would work better with non-verbal kids... just a

thought. If my child is verbal and understand, I prefer to make him see that

this type of behavior is not appropriate and look for different ways to connect

to bring the child " out " of his/her world.

 

Just my two cents..

 

Karla

From: Jerri Gann <njgann@...>

Subject: Re: Re: acceptance of ``A``

Date: Friday, March 18, 2011, 7:32 PM

 

Thanks everyone for this thread. It is quite a dilemma. I have been on

my oldest (14) trying to get him to stop hand talking all the time. I

keep telling him, it's okay to do at home, if he feels he really needs

to, but to do this in public, people will think he is very odd. I have

joined in with him in it a few times and he really did love it and we

did connect more but I more often try to get him to stop it. So maybe if

I join in with him more and use that to really connect with him and then

get him to find some kind of stim that's less bizarre looking? maybe

this would be more effective then telling him to knock it off? Just

throwing this out there because I really would like to help my son stop

this. We have been 9 years with Dr G and he still does this, so I know

it's some habit we need to change. Thanks for any input. Jerri

>

> I don't know anything about Sonrise, just wanted to comment on

> acceptance....

>

> I agree with the meaning of accepting just for today, or at least just

> this

> minute. It's one of the big 12-step recovery tools (there's a lot of

> that in my

> family), and it doesn't mean being 'ok' with anything. It means being

> ok even

> though something is really sucking. It's hard for me to understand,

> and it's

> hard to stay in that place, but it's worth it when I accomplish it. I

> never

> 'accepted' autism, in the sense that there wasn't something we could

> and would

> do about it.

>

> I've fought with every penny I've had and every bit of energy I've had

> to help

> my kids, and I've fought with CFS and my own severe cognitive

> meltdowns and

> anxiety. I have NEVER thought that what today is like is the best

> there is.

> Truly, nothing is ever good enough, even if things are going great.

> There's

> not a point in our lives that we would ever not need to continue

> growing even if

> everything were perfectly normal. There's not a thing about autism

> that I

> wouldn't stamp out, except that unique intelligence and humor, but I

> don't see

> that as autism anyway - that's just my kid shining thru.

>

> Acceptance is a powerful tool to help a parent emotionally - I've had

> to fight

> to gain acceptance over and over and over, but when I'm " in that

> state " , I have

> soooo much more energy to see around me, and then sometimes something

> clicks in

> my head that I couldn't see before. Acceptance just means I'm not

> freaking out

> inside (I do that more than I accept) while I take the steps I need to

> address

> whatever problem. Acceptance should never include giving up. If

> anything, it

> should free up a little mental energy to help you.

>

> When I'm in a negative mood, it worsens everything around me,

> especially the

> kids' behavior. Who said kids on the spectrum aren't empathic?? They

> certainly

> do feel it. When I'm not in a state of .... whatever .. panic,

> anxiety (which

> completely shuts me down), and especially anger, then once in a while

> I get

> playful, and it spreads to the kids and everything just flows so much

> better.

>

> Another tool is detatchment - detatching with love. I 'get' that one

> even less,

> but I understand enough to know that it is separating your emotions

> and ability

> to be happy from what is going on with your loved one. I think of it

> this way

> (and I could be wrong): In a crisis, say someone is injured and needs

> immediate

> assistance. They're in pain, terrified, screaming, panicking... or

> maybe they

> need CPR or they're going to die, and we're the person who can help

> them. To

> stay cool in a crisis is to detach emotionally from that crisis,

> because the

> emotions involved can diminish your ability to help a person in dire

> need of

> your help. I can remember lots of incidents that I should have been

> terrified

> or grossed out. I've always found it so odd how when something really

> bad or

> painful happens, how I change in my head and become very calm - a

> state that

> isn't very natural to me. Then imagine taking that power and using it

> during a

> child's meltdown, or aggressive attack, or headbanging, etc. It

> changes how we

> react to something, and it's a blessing, a self-protective measure,

> and it gives

> you incredible mental strength and clarity.

>

> We have every right as parents to enjoy something about our life even

> if -

> especially if - our kids have autism. It took me a long time to

> believe that,

> and even more to begin to look at how I'm going to accomplish that.

> (Since I

> swore off street bikes until they're older, I definitely made that

> harder.)

> When we go so long without joy that isn't centered around someone

> else, we start

> forgetting how to experience it. We also lose the network of people

> that help

> us experience it. It's not enough for us to feel joy because our kid

> made a new

> sound, or played well at the playground with someone else, although

> those things

> bring the *greatest* joy. We have to be able to experience some life

> outside of

> autism, and I observe a few people who actually do it pretty well.

>

> My kids are 9 & 11. They're still 'on the spectrum', but doing (at this

> moment -

> last year was pure hell) really quite well. My second child is

> actually a mess

> cognitively, but he's a bright happy loving kid who likes himself and

> likes

> others around him easily. My oldest is doing really well, but he's less

> confident and less happy inside himself, so I consider the kid who's a

> mess

> better off than the bright-eyed unhappy one. I find myself in that

> place of

> acceptance right now for where we are, because I understand that my

> youngest has

> been hit with illnesses and this is his regression, and I accept my

> oldest's

> place right now because first, it's way better than it was even as

> late as

> January, & because I also understand the social is the last to come.

> Plus I

> remember that misery inside myself too, so I know it doesn't have to be

> permanent. I've found acceptance many times, and it always seems to

> be grounded

> in faith that this isn't permanent - something I attribute to Dr

> Goldberg by

> giving me the faith that this can be treated, as well as living a lot

> of this

> experience myself and finding that no particular state of mind and

> health is

> permanent.

>

> Now don't ask me how to go about finding a life outside of autism -

> I'm only

> starting the process of waking up out of my crazy. I hope it lasts.

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Kathi <kathi0908@... <mailto:kathi0908%40verizon.net>>

> <mailto:%40>

> Sent: Thu, March 17, 2011 9:43:54 AM

> Subject: RE: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

>

>

> Hi Lori,

>

> I'm not sure you totally understand what was saying; It's kind

> of like

> accepting them for where they are right NOW. Not that you accept it here

> and forever and therefore will do nothing about it to change it for the

> better. Sonrise IS all about doing something about it. BUT, people

> sometimes harbor negative feelings and our kids can feel it. I mean of

> course we are sad, frustrated, etc, but we need to stop and accept where

> they are NOW and work to connect with them to then help them move on.

>

> I attended the start up program and believe me, it's all about doing

> something; it's actually quite a task they put on you as parentsJ! It's

> about never giving up on your kiddo. The basic theme is that you join them

> in their world, build trust/relationship, gain eye contact, then slowly

> bring them into ours. For example, my son loves to smoosh his face in his

> blanket or look at shadows on the wall with his hands, I simply join

> him in

> whatever stim he's doing until he gives me the green light (=looks at me,

> says a word to me, touches me). That green light shows he wants some type

> of interaction with me, which is huge (therefore, pulling him out of his

> world a bit). You keep joining them until they want to be with you

> more and

> more in your world and less in theirs. That's a simple, quick explanation

> of it, but it's really wonderful b/c you join them in their stims and I'll

> tell you, you start to feel what it does for them; some of the stims are

> really calming. We all have stims, we just do what's more socially

> acceptable (like tapping a pen on our desk or bouncing our leg up and down

> really fast while sitting).

>

> Now, they do talk a little about digestive problems (very little), but

> this

> is not their forte or experience. It's one thing that kind of was missing

> for me, but what I did was take what I could learn and use it for my son,

> while still working on his major digestive issues and immune dysfunction.

> The people that started this don't have a son with major health issues, he

> was more just in his own world. Although he does talk and tout the

> digestive enzymes. For us, that's not even touching what my Liam has been

> through or needs medically. So, this approach may be just ONE piece of the

> puzzle for some children. It's just one little piece for us, but it's a

> wonderful way to approach the child and it's helped our Liam start to look

> more in our eyes and talk.

>

> Hope that helps and makes sense!

> Kathi

>

> From: <mailto:%40>

> [mailto: <mailto:%40>] On

> Behalf Of Lori

>

> Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 8:55 AM

> <mailto:%40>

> Subject: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

>

> I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

> was when diagnosed with ``A``.

>

> He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting

> that

> my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

>

> We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to

> me that

> my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

> have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

> Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

> medications without insurance because we are out of country.

>

> I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

> expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

> were, all appropriate for their age.

>

> Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

> musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

> are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years.

> He is a

> good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his

> kind

> demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

>

> Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

> talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

> Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they

> worked

> would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

>

> I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

> acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

> accomplishing amazing things.

>

> Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

> the most.

>

> I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

> them short.

>

> This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many

> doctors

> told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

> way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

> ``experts`` and he is only 12!

>

> Lori

>

> _____

>

> From: <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> [mailto: <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40> ] On Behalf Of

>

> Sent: March-15-11 8:08 PM

> <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> Subject: Re: Re Sonrise Program - trust your gut instinct

>

> We have not done Son-Rise, but maybe will someday. I really like the combo

> of an ABA preschool and floortime at home.

>

> I have read through quite a bit of Son-Rise and one of the principles hit

> home with me so much; basicaly that your child will not grow until you

> accept him the way he is.

>

> Man, what an eye opener. Of course I love my son, but did I accept him? I

> think I did to a point, but then really had to thin about it and have

> a very

> honest conversation with myself. I still want the best for my son, I still

> want to heal him. But really do love and accept him now the way he is, and

> you know what? He has definitely progressed more with that way of

> thinking.

> I dont think it was a large change for me, or him, but it really has

> helped.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, makes sense! Jerri

>

> I don't post much, I mainly read all your posts.

>

> This sonrise therapy sounds contradictory to me. I read the book many

> years ago and I was at that point where everything sounded good to

> treat my child. But this " trying to connect " by stimming with your

> child, never sounded right to me. I saw it as encouraging the

> stimming. I tried it just to see how he would react and he loved it.

> So he would do it more. Then whenever I tried to get him out of it,

> his reaction was more like " wait a minute we are having fun doing

> this, let's not change it now. "

>

> I would prefer to connect with my child in a different way, doing

> something positive instead. Maybe sonrise would work better with

> non-verbal kids... just a thought. If my child is verbal and

> understand, I prefer to make him see that this type of behavior is not

> appropriate and look for different ways to connect to bring the child

> " out " of his/her world.

>

> Just my two cents..

>

> Karla

>

>

>

> From: Jerri Gann <njgann@... <mailto:njgann%40sti.net>>

> Subject: Re: Re: acceptance of ``A``

> <mailto:%40>

> Date: Friday, March 18, 2011, 7:32 PM

>

>

>

> Thanks everyone for this thread. It is quite a dilemma. I have been on

> my oldest (14) trying to get him to stop hand talking all the time. I

> keep telling him, it's okay to do at home, if he feels he really needs

> to, but to do this in public, people will think he is very odd. I have

> joined in with him in it a few times and he really did love it and we

> did connect more but I more often try to get him to stop it. So maybe if

> I join in with him more and use that to really connect with him and then

> get him to find some kind of stim that's less bizarre looking? maybe

> this would be more effective then telling him to knock it off? Just

> throwing this out there because I really would like to help my son stop

> this. We have been 9 years with Dr G and he still does this, so I know

> it's some habit we need to change. Thanks for any input. Jerri

> >

> > I don't know anything about Sonrise, just wanted to comment on

> > acceptance....

> >

> > I agree with the meaning of accepting just for today, or at least just

> > this

> > minute. It's one of the big 12-step recovery tools (there's a lot of

> > that in my

> > family), and it doesn't mean being 'ok' with anything. It means being

> > ok even

> > though something is really sucking. It's hard for me to understand,

> > and it's

> > hard to stay in that place, but it's worth it when I accomplish it. I

> > never

> > 'accepted' autism, in the sense that there wasn't something we could

> > and would

> > do about it.

> >

> > I've fought with every penny I've had and every bit of energy I've had

> > to help

> > my kids, and I've fought with CFS and my own severe cognitive

> > meltdowns and

> > anxiety. I have NEVER thought that what today is like is the best

> > there is.

> > Truly, nothing is ever good enough, even if things are going great.

> > There's

> > not a point in our lives that we would ever not need to continue

> > growing even if

> > everything were perfectly normal. There's not a thing about autism

> > that I

> > wouldn't stamp out, except that unique intelligence and humor, but I

> > don't see

> > that as autism anyway - that's just my kid shining thru.

> >

> > Acceptance is a powerful tool to help a parent emotionally - I've had

> > to fight

> > to gain acceptance over and over and over, but when I'm " in that

> > state " , I have

> > soooo much more energy to see around me, and then sometimes something

> > clicks in

> > my head that I couldn't see before. Acceptance just means I'm not

> > freaking out

> > inside (I do that more than I accept) while I take the steps I need to

> > address

> > whatever problem. Acceptance should never include giving up. If

> > anything, it

> > should free up a little mental energy to help you.

> >

> > When I'm in a negative mood, it worsens everything around me,

> > especially the

> > kids' behavior. Who said kids on the spectrum aren't empathic?? They

> > certainly

> > do feel it. When I'm not in a state of .... whatever .. panic,

> > anxiety (which

> > completely shuts me down), and especially anger, then once in a while

> > I get

> > playful, and it spreads to the kids and everything just flows so much

> > better.

> >

> > Another tool is detatchment - detatching with love. I 'get' that one

> > even less,

> > but I understand enough to know that it is separating your emotions

> > and ability

> > to be happy from what is going on with your loved one. I think of it

> > this way

> > (and I could be wrong): In a crisis, say someone is injured and needs

> > immediate

> > assistance. They're in pain, terrified, screaming, panicking... or

> > maybe they

> > need CPR or they're going to die, and we're the person who can help

> > them. To

> > stay cool in a crisis is to detach emotionally from that crisis,

> > because the

> > emotions involved can diminish your ability to help a person in dire

> > need of

> > your help. I can remember lots of incidents that I should have been

> > terrified

> > or grossed out. I've always found it so odd how when something really

> > bad or

> > painful happens, how I change in my head and become very calm - a

> > state that

> > isn't very natural to me. Then imagine taking that power and using it

> > during a

> > child's meltdown, or aggressive attack, or headbanging, etc. It

> > changes how we

> > react to something, and it's a blessing, a self-protective measure,

> > and it gives

> > you incredible mental strength and clarity.

> >

> > We have every right as parents to enjoy something about our life even

> > if -

> > especially if - our kids have autism. It took me a long time to

> > believe that,

> > and even more to begin to look at how I'm going to accomplish that.

> > (Since I

> > swore off street bikes until they're older, I definitely made that

> > harder.)

> > When we go so long without joy that isn't centered around someone

> > else, we start

> > forgetting how to experience it. We also lose the network of people

> > that help

> > us experience it. It's not enough for us to feel joy because our kid

> > made a new

> > sound, or played well at the playground with someone else, although

> > those things

> > bring the *greatest* joy. We have to be able to experience some life

> > outside of

> > autism, and I observe a few people who actually do it pretty well.

> >

> > My kids are 9 & 11. They're still 'on the spectrum', but doing (at this

> > moment -

> > last year was pure hell) really quite well. My second child is

> > actually a mess

> > cognitively, but he's a bright happy loving kid who likes himself and

> > likes

> > others around him easily. My oldest is doing really well, but he's less

> > confident and less happy inside himself, so I consider the kid who's a

> > mess

> > better off than the bright-eyed unhappy one. I find myself in that

> > place of

> > acceptance right now for where we are, because I understand that my

> > youngest has

> > been hit with illnesses and this is his regression, and I accept my

> > oldest's

> > place right now because first, it's way better than it was even as

> > late as

> > January, & because I also understand the social is the last to come.

> > Plus I

> > remember that misery inside myself too, so I know it doesn't have to be

> > permanent. I've found acceptance many times, and it always seems to

> > be grounded

> > in faith that this isn't permanent - something I attribute to Dr

> > Goldberg by

> > giving me the faith that this can be treated, as well as living a lot

> > of this

> > experience myself and finding that no particular state of mind and

> > health is

> > permanent.

> >

> > Now don't ask me how to go about finding a life outside of autism -

> > I'm only

> > starting the process of waking up out of my crazy. I hope it lasts.

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Kathi <kathi0908@... <mailto:kathi0908%40verizon.net>

> <mailto:kathi0908%40verizon.net>>

> > <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> > Sent: Thu, March 17, 2011 9:43:54 AM

> > Subject: RE: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

> >

> >

> > Hi Lori,

> >

> > I'm not sure you totally understand what was saying; It's kind

> > of like

> > accepting them for where they are right NOW. Not that you accept it here

> > and forever and therefore will do nothing about it to change it for the

> > better. Sonrise IS all about doing something about it. BUT, people

> > sometimes harbor negative feelings and our kids can feel it. I mean of

> > course we are sad, frustrated, etc, but we need to stop and accept where

> > they are NOW and work to connect with them to then help them move on.

> >

> > I attended the start up program and believe me, it's all about doing

> > something; it's actually quite a task they put on you as parentsJ! It's

> > about never giving up on your kiddo. The basic theme is that you

> join them

> > in their world, build trust/relationship, gain eye contact, then slowly

> > bring them into ours. For example, my son loves to smoosh his face

> in his

> > blanket or look at shadows on the wall with his hands, I simply join

> > him in

> > whatever stim he's doing until he gives me the green light (=looks

> at me,

> > says a word to me, touches me). That green light shows he wants some

> type

> > of interaction with me, which is huge (therefore, pulling him out of his

> > world a bit). You keep joining them until they want to be with you

> > more and

> > more in your world and less in theirs. That's a simple, quick

> explanation

> > of it, but it's really wonderful b/c you join them in their stims

> and I'll

> > tell you, you start to feel what it does for them; some of the stims are

> > really calming. We all have stims, we just do what's more socially

> > acceptable (like tapping a pen on our desk or bouncing our leg up

> and down

> > really fast while sitting).

> >

> > Now, they do talk a little about digestive problems (very little), but

> > this

> > is not their forte or experience. It's one thing that kind of was

> missing

> > for me, but what I did was take what I could learn and use it for my

> son,

> > while still working on his major digestive issues and immune

> dysfunction.

> > The people that started this don't have a son with major health

> issues, he

> > was more just in his own world. Although he does talk and tout the

> > digestive enzymes. For us, that's not even touching what my Liam has

> been

> > through or needs medically. So, this approach may be just ONE piece

> of the

> > puzzle for some children. It's just one little piece for us, but it's a

> > wonderful way to approach the child and it's helped our Liam start

> to look

> > more in our eyes and talk.

> >

> > Hope that helps and makes sense!

> > Kathi

> >

> > From: <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> > [mailto: <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>] On

> > Behalf Of Lori

> >

> > Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 8:55 AM

> > <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> > Subject: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

> >

> > I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the

> way he

> > was when diagnosed with ``A``.

> >

> > He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting

> > that

> > my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

> >

> > We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to

> > me that

> > my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow

> up to

> > have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

> > Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

> > medications without insurance because we are out of country.

> >

> > I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis.

> He was

> > expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and

> sister

> > were, all appropriate for their age.

> >

> > Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and

> talented

> > musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although

> there

> > are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years.

> > He is a

> > good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his

> > kind

> > demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

> >

> > Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or

> only

> > talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

> > Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they

> > worked

> > would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

> >

> > I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

> > acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

> > accomplishing amazing things.

> >

> > Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs

> from you

> > the most.

> >

> > I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is

> selling

> > them short.

> >

> > This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many

> > doctors

> > told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he

> was.no

> > way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

> > ``experts`` and he is only 12!

> >

> > Lori

> >

> > _____

> >

> > From: <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> > <mailto:%40>

> > [mailto: <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> > <mailto:%40> ] On Behalf Of

> >

> > Sent: March-15-11 8:08 PM

> > <mailto:%40>

> <mailto:%40>

> > <mailto:%40>

> > Subject: Re: Re Sonrise Program - trust your gut instinct

> >

> > We have not done Son-Rise, but maybe will someday. I really like the

> combo

> > of an ABA preschool and floortime at home.

> >

> > I have read through quite a bit of Son-Rise and one of the

> principles hit

> > home with me so much; basicaly that your child will not grow until you

> > accept him the way he is.

> >

> > Man, what an eye opener. Of course I love my son, but did I accept

> him? I

> > think I did to a point, but then really had to thin about it and have

> > a very

> > honest conversation with myself. I still want the best for my son, I

> still

> > want to heal him. But really do love and accept him now the way he

> is, and

> > you know what? He has definitely progressed more with that way of

> > thinking.

> > I dont think it was a large change for me, or him, but it really has

> > helped.

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I just need to say thay you really need to have a proper consultant and a firm

background in these therapies before you can really see if they work or don't

work.

I, for instance, love the idea of RDI. I read the book and thought the program

had a lot of good qualities that could really help my son. I didn't want to

hire a consultant though so I just added it to our floortime program. What a

freaking mess! Mason had no idea what I was doing, I had no idea what I was

doing, and it really just confused him further.

My point is that in order to say a therapy works or does not work you cant just

read the book, or hear the concept, and say it doesn't work. It needs an

investment in time and understanding before being able to fully apply the

concept.

The notes about stimming. I just want to clarify. My son when he was first

diagnosed could not tell we were even in the room. He had a ridiculous

regression from typical toddler into severe autism within 2 months. We could

jump and dance in front of him and he wouldn't notice. He was too busy

stimming. We could however do ABA with him no problem, put a block in his hand

and tell him to put it in the bucket, sure, he got the concept. But really he

was doing it just so we would stop bothering him. We quickly realized he needed

something different. Even his ABA consultant recommended something like

floortime, sonrise, or RDI- they are all developmental and not behavioral

therapies.

So, we started approaching Mason differently. While he was pulling things out

of drawers we would do it with him. The point is not about stimming, it is just

about joining them in their world. He loved it, felt like we were doing

something together, and then he would start to play with me doing something

else. If the goal is just for them to stop stimming then you are not focusing

on the root of WHY they are stimming. They are stimming because something in

their sensory system is off and they are going into their own world. The goal

is to gradually, and happily, pull them from their world into ours. They don't

stim when they are engaged in our world. They stim when they are disengaged and

in their own world.

I hope that makes sense, because it can really be helpful. My son is a success

story of floortime. He has gradually come into our world. He is now happy to

play with us and engagement is not difficult. He rarely stimms, but if he does

it is normally due to a medical issue or a sensory issue that is throwing him

off balance. Now if he stimms he will spin in circles, so I pick him up and we

spin in circles together, or we play ring around the rosie. He forgets about

stimming and he plays with me. He is three so this is developmentally

appropriate play. We also do an ABA preschool, and now that he is engaged it

makes his therapy a lot more beneficial. He still is autistic, but is

functioning at a much higher level than he was.

[Guest guest]

Hi and All,

I've been lurking and have not properly introduced myself yet (read the book,

trying to decide what to do next), but I want to jump in on this discussion to

say that Wyatt has made excellent progress with Floortime, too He never

leaves me alone anymore. He is always initiating. Just a year and a half ago, he

would not interact with me while he was playing, even though he would always

follow me if I left the room.

I wish I could say his OCD has gone away, but it comes and goes in waves, and it

gets worse from multiple factors including lack of enough sleep, hypoglycemia,

and constipation. We still have a lot of work to do biomedically. But several

times when he has made a quantum leap in his communication skills or social

skills, he has gone through an intensive OCD phase where we spend hours

interacting around his fixations. And then he comes out of it and transfers his

new skills to more varied and sophisticated play. Right now he seems to be

honing his social turn-taking. He really, really wants to take turns with me -

and lots of them. His attention span is becoming really long. And it's beautiful

to see it get transfered to things besides his obsessions, as it is now starting

to be. Thankfully he's getting bored with lights and he played with me with his

stomp rocket for a long time today, going as long as he does with his fixations.

I've never seen that kind of attentiveness before, and it was totally driven by

him with no prompting from me.

For those who aren't familiar with Floortime, its mantra is that to bring them

into our world, first we have to play with them in their world. It is child-led,

but the parent or therapist is always challenging the child while being led by

them. The reason why it is child-led is because that way the child is motivated

and things are emotionally meaningful to them. Here's what that can look like.

When he was at his worst with his fixation on lights, his speech therapist

brought over a toy that had gears that went around in circles and lit up while

playing music. She would turn the button off on the bottom of the toy and dump

all the gears off. He'd try to turn it on and when it wouldn't light up, he'd

say, " Uh oh, broken. " She'd say, " Can you fix it? " And he'd have to put all the

gears back on. After they were all on, she'd turn it on, without him noticing.

While he was putting the gears on, she'd have him choose which color, indicate

whether he wanted one or two gears, say the word " gear " and other things. She

would put her hand on the gears until he said, " Move " . She would have him put a

stuffed animal on the gears to go for a ride on them. While he was busy " fixing "

his gears he learned about colors and numbers, he learned to say several words,

he learned to be assertive ( " Move! " ), and he learned the concept of " fix " . More

importantly, he learned to think dynamically and to problem-solve. Most

importantly of all, he was engaged, and in the parlance of Floortime, the ST got

lots of " circles of communication " out of the activity.

This is one way to play with a child in a way that is led by them without being

passive. There are numerous other ways to do that.

>

> I just need to say thay you really need to have a proper consultant and a firm

background in these therapies before you can really see if they work or don't

work.

>

> I, for instance, love the idea of RDI. I read the book and thought the

program had a lot of good qualities that could really help my son. I didn't

want to hire a consultant though so I just added it to our floortime program.

What a freaking mess! Mason had no idea what I was doing, I had no idea what I

was doing, and it really just confused him further.

>

> My point is that in order to say a therapy works or does not work you cant

just read the book, or hear the concept, and say it doesn't work. It needs an

investment in time and understanding before being able to fully apply the

concept.

>

> The notes about stimming. I just want to clarify. My son when he was first

diagnosed could not tell we were even in the room. He had a ridiculous

regression from typical toddler into severe autism within 2 months. We could

jump and dance in front of him and he wouldn't notice. He was too busy

stimming. We could however do ABA with him no problem, put a block in his hand

and tell him to put it in the bucket, sure, he got the concept. But really he

was doing it just so we would stop bothering him. We quickly realized he needed

something different. Even his ABA consultant recommended something like

floortime, sonrise, or RDI- they are all developmental and not behavioral

therapies.

>

> So, we started approaching Mason differently. While he was pulling things out

of drawers we would do it with him. The point is not about stimming, it is just

about joining them in their world. He loved it, felt like we were doing

something together, and then he would start to play with me doing something

else. If the goal is just for them to stop stimming then you are not focusing

on the root of WHY they are stimming. They are stimming because something in

their sensory system is off and they are going into their own world. The goal

is to gradually, and happily, pull them from their world into ours. They don't

stim when they are engaged in our world. They stim when they are disengaged and

in their own world.

>

> I hope that makes sense, because it can really be helpful. My son is a

success story of floortime. He has gradually come into our world. He is now

happy to play with us and engagement is not difficult. He rarely stimms, but if

he does it is normally due to a medical issue or a sensory issue that is

throwing him off balance. Now if he stimms he will spin in circles, so I pick

him up and we spin in circles together, or we play ring around the rosie. He

forgets about stimming and he plays with me. He is three so this is

developmentally appropriate play. We also do an ABA preschool, and now that he

is engaged it makes his therapy a lot more beneficial. He still is autistic,

but is functioning at a much higher level than he was.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Sheryl. Absolutely we're all working on that, and there is more than one

road to it.

>

> Welcome, . Your description of Floortime was very clear and

interesting. Thanks for taking the time to share. After all engaging our

children more and more, while increasing verbal and social is something we are

all working on.

>

> Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

What is " hand talking " ? This conjures up an interesting image in my mind.

Any idea what he gets out of doing this? If you were to take a Son-Rise

approach to it, you would join it fully and possibly figure out what he

gets out of it. You could also branch it into other games that the two of you

could do together, allowing him to get the sensation he's seeking but in an

interactive way. For example, if a child likes to spin, a SR facilitator

would find all sorts of fun ways to spin together and build it into

interactive games. Often, by doing the action full force, in a variety of

ways,

the kids get what they're seeking and often don't need to do that action any

more. It is tremendously rare for my son to do any stimming behaviors

these days. He went through a huge series of them over the years. Trying to

stop them tended to lead to replacement stims or created so much tension

that he'd sometimes erupt. I know how this feels. I used to have an eye

tic when my immune system was off. I could not do it in public because it

was weird but the need for that tic release would build up and make it harder

for me to focus and enjoy other things.

Gaylen

In a message dated 3/18/2011 9:32:57 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

njgann@... writes:

I have been on

my oldest (14) trying to get him to stop hand talking all the time.