Re: Re: Sonrise program--no acceptance of autism

March 18, 2011

Words to live by, Marcia!

I finished watching the movie " Temple Grandin " the other night. The biggest

thing I took away from this movie was the parenting skills of her mom.

Temple's mother had a heartbreaking job raising an 'autistic' child in a

time when most were banished to institutions. She pushed Temple into

independence (as well as using manners) and into being a successful and well

educated scientist. When I watched Dr. Grandin's acceptance speech at the

s she congratulated her mother on having the guts to demand more from

her and from those who worked with Dr. Grandin as a child and teenager.

Bravo for " tough (but fair) love " !

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of

and Marcia Hinds

Sent: March-18-11 12:58 PM

Subject: Re: Sonrise program--no acceptance of autism

Listmates,

I have to chime in there. Everything Lori said is true. My son never would

have recovered, be in college, had a girlfriend or had any kind of life if I

had accepted the misconceptions associated with the Autism diagnosis. Our

stories can't be about accepting or coping with autism, but rather fighting

back and being more stubborn than our children we love unconditionally. I

would never relate to a child or get his attention by stimming with them.

There are many different ways to get the job done but we must have high

expectations and treat them the same as everyone else. Lori is right when

she said , " I never ever treated my child differently because of his

diagnosis. He was expected to conform to the behavior and rules just like

his brother and sister . " For us, behavioral and educational interventions

were used in conjunction with the medical treatment to catch up on

everything he missed when he was ill and unable to learn. Initially, we

used Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) for his rehabilitation and when he was

ready we moved towards more natural ways of teaching. It took years to

correct 's deficits in speech and social skills. It was almost like

taking a stroke victim and bringing them back.

An example of the natural consequences we used to teach is exemplified

in the following story. was 's favorite playmate. She always had

fun at my house (mostly from all the attention I gave her because back then

wasn't too fun to play with). I would travel to pick her up and drop

her back at home because honestly she was worth the extra drive and trouble.

She would dress him up, make him dance, and even have pretend weddings. His

speech increased because he wanted her to talk to him. And never gave

him the opportunity to disengage or not talk. did whatever she said

because he felt safe with her and adored her. And then one day this all

ended.

came over for a fun adventure of sledding in a nearby park. We went

sledding for almost two hours. It was one of our best times ever and I was

feeling pretty good about how finally the social was starting to come. The

day was perfect until it was time to drop off at home. didn't

want her to leave. started screaming at the top of his lungs right in

's ear. He wanted the fun to continue, but didn't have the words to

say so. My kid who looked very typical just fifteen minutes ago was having

a major meltdown in 's driveway. After that, didn't want to come

back.

At first, I wasn't going to tell that wouldn't be back. I wanted

to protect his feelings; I wanted to shield him from reality and the cost of

his actions. But that really wouldn't help . So I explained that

wouldn't be coming over to play anymore because he acted badly when it

was time for her to go home. Our instinct and best intention is to protect

our children from the world. And at times this is necessary. We must

protect them from bullies and the difficulties they face as a result of the

autism. But if they are too protected, they don't learn what is appropriate

and expected. When they are little and still cute people excuse their weird

behavior, but when they get older this no longer applies. One day we won't

be there anymore and they have to learn what is acceptable and what is not.

Best,

Marcia

</message/46581;_ylc=X3oDMTJxZThkazM1BF9TA

zk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzEyODk0MARncnBzcElkAzE3MDUwNjE2MTYEbXNnSWQDNDY1ODEEc2VjA

2Rtc2cEc2xrA3Ztc2cEc3RpbWUDMTMwMDQyNzU4Ng--> Re: Sonrise Program - no

acceptance of ``A``

Posted by: " Lori "

<mailto:lbharris@... <mailto:lbharris%40cogeco.ca>

?Subject=%20Re%3A%20Sonrise%20Program%20-%20now%20

acceptance%20of%20%60%60A%60%60> lbharris@...

<mailto:lbharris%40cogeco.ca>

<hhbharris> hhbharris

Thu Mar 17, 2011 5:53 am (PDT)

I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

was when diagnosed with ``A``.

He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting that

my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to me that

my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

medications without insurance because we are out of country.

I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

were, all appropriate for their age.

Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years. He is a

good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his kind

demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they worked

would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

accomplishing amazing things.

Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

the most.

I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

them short.

This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many doctors

told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

``experts`` and he is only 12!

Lori

March 18, 2011

Reminds me of Helen Keller and her teacher, boy I should remember her

name! Jerri

>

> Words to live by, Marcia!

>

> I finished watching the movie " Temple Grandin " the other night. The

> biggest

> thing I took away from this movie was the parenting skills of her mom.

> Temple's mother had a heartbreaking job raising an 'autistic' child in a

> time when most were banished to institutions. She pushed Temple into

> independence (as well as using manners) and into being a successful

> and well

> educated scientist. When I watched Dr. Grandin's acceptance speech at the

> s she congratulated her mother on having the guts to demand more from

> her and from those who worked with Dr. Grandin as a child and teenager.

> Bravo for " tough (but fair) love " !

>

> From: <mailto:%40>

> [mailto: <mailto:%40>] On

> Behalf Of

> and Marcia Hinds

> Sent: March-18-11 12:58 PM

> <mailto:%40>

> Subject: Re: Sonrise program--no acceptance of autism

>

> Listmates,

>

> I have to chime in there. Everything Lori said is true. My son never would

> have recovered, be in college, had a girlfriend or had any kind of

> life if I

> had accepted the misconceptions associated with the Autism diagnosis. Our

> stories can't be about accepting or coping with autism, but rather

> fighting

> back and being more stubborn than our children we love unconditionally. I

> would never relate to a child or get his attention by stimming with them.

> There are many different ways to get the job done but we must have high

> expectations and treat them the same as everyone else. Lori is right when

> she said , " I never ever treated my child differently because of his

> diagnosis. He was expected to conform to the behavior and rules just like

> his brother and sister . " For us, behavioral and educational interventions

> were used in conjunction with the medical treatment to catch up on

> everything he missed when he was ill and unable to learn. Initially, we

> used Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) for his rehabilitation and when

> he was

> ready we moved towards more natural ways of teaching. It took years to

> correct 's deficits in speech and social skills. It was almost like

> taking a stroke victim and bringing them back.

>

> An example of the natural consequences we used to teach is

> exemplified

> in the following story. was 's favorite playmate. She always had

> fun at my house (mostly from all the attention I gave her because back

> then

> wasn't too fun to play with). I would travel to pick her up and drop

> her back at home because honestly she was worth the extra drive and

> trouble.

> She would dress him up, make him dance, and even have pretend

> weddings. His

> speech increased because he wanted her to talk to him. And never

> gave

> him the opportunity to disengage or not talk. did whatever she said

> because he felt safe with her and adored her. And then one day this all

> ended.

>

> came over for a fun adventure of sledding in a nearby park. We went

> sledding for almost two hours. It was one of our best times ever and I was

> feeling pretty good about how finally the social was starting to come. The

> day was perfect until it was time to drop off at home. didn't

> want her to leave. started screaming at the top of his lungs right in

> 's ear. He wanted the fun to continue, but didn't have the words to

> say so. My kid who looked very typical just fifteen minutes ago was having

> a major meltdown in 's driveway. After that, didn't want to

> come

> back.

>

> At first, I wasn't going to tell that wouldn't be back. I

> wanted

> to protect his feelings; I wanted to shield him from reality and the

> cost of

> his actions. But that really wouldn't help . So I explained that

> wouldn't be coming over to play anymore because he acted badly

> when it

> was time for her to go home. Our instinct and best intention is to protect

> our children from the world. And at times this is necessary. We must

> protect them from bullies and the difficulties they face as a result

> of the

> autism. But if they are too protected, they don't learn what is

> appropriate

> and expected. When they are little and still cute people excuse their

> weird

> behavior, but when they get older this no longer applies. One day we won't

> be there anymore and they have to learn what is acceptable and what is

> not.

>

> Best,

>

> Marcia

>

> </message/46581;_ylc=X3oDMTJxZThkazM1BF9TA

> zk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzEyODk0MARncnBzcElkAzE3MDUwNjE2MTYEbXNnSWQDNDY1ODEEc2VjA

> 2Rtc2cEc2xrA3Ztc2cEc3RpbWUDMTMwMDQyNzU4Ng--> Re: Sonrise Program - no

> acceptance of ``A``

>

> Posted by: " Lori "

> <mailto:lbharris@... <mailto:lbharris%40cogeco.ca>

> <mailto:lbharris%40cogeco.ca>

> ?Subject=%20Re%3A%20Sonrise%20Program%20-%20now%20

> acceptance%20of%20%60%60A%60%60> lbharris@...

> <mailto:lbharris%40cogeco.ca>

> <hhbharris> hhbharris

>

> Thu Mar 17, 2011 5:53 am (PDT)

>

> I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

> was when diagnosed with ``A``.

>

> He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting

> that

> my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

>

> We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to

> me that

> my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

> have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

> Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

> medications without insurance because we are out of country.

>

> I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

> expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

> were, all appropriate for their age.

>

> Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

> musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

> are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years.

> He is a

> good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his

> kind

> demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

>

> Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

> talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

> Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they

> worked

> would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

>

> I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

> acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

> accomplishing amazing things.

>

> Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

> the most.

>

> I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

> them short.

>

> This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many

> doctors

> told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

> way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

> ``experts`` and he is only 12!

>

> Lori

>

March 19, 2011

Anne Sullivan

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 18, 2011, at 10:39 PM, Jerri Gann <njgann@...> wrote: