Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

[Guest guest]

I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

was when diagnosed with ``A``.

He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting that

my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to me that

my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

medications without insurance because we are out of country.

I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

were, all appropriate for their age.

Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years. He is a

good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his kind

demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they worked

would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

accomplishing amazing things.

Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

the most.

I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

them short.

This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many doctors

told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

``experts`` and he is only 12!

Lori

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of

Sent: March-15-11 8:08 PM

Subject: Re: Re Sonrise Program - trust your gut instinct

We have not done Son-Rise, but maybe will someday. I really like the combo

of an ABA preschool and floortime at home.

I have read through quite a bit of Son-Rise and one of the principles hit

home with me so much; basicaly that your child will not grow until you

accept him the way he is.

Man, what an eye opener. Of course I love my son, but did I accept him? I

think I did to a point, but then really had to thin about it and have a very

honest conversation with myself. I still want the best for my son, I still

want to heal him. But really do love and accept him now the way he is, and

you know what? He has definitely progressed more with that way of thinking.

I dont think it was a large change for me, or him, but it really has helped.

[Guest guest]

Hi Lori,

I'm not sure you totally understand what was saying; It's kind of like

accepting them for where they are right NOW. Not that you accept it here

and forever and therefore will do nothing about it to change it for the

better. Sonrise IS all about doing something about it. BUT, people

sometimes harbor negative feelings and our kids can feel it. I mean of

course we are sad, frustrated, etc, but we need to stop and accept where

they are NOW and work to connect with them to then help them move on.

I attended the start up program and believe me, it's all about doing

something; it's actually quite a task they put on you as parentsJ! It's

about never giving up on your kiddo. The basic theme is that you join them

in their world, build trust/relationship, gain eye contact, then slowly

bring them into ours. For example, my son loves to smoosh his face in his

blanket or look at shadows on the wall with his hands, I simply join him in

whatever stim he's doing until he gives me the green light (=looks at me,

says a word to me, touches me). That green light shows he wants some type

of interaction with me, which is huge (therefore, pulling him out of his

world a bit). You keep joining them until they want to be with you more and

more in your world and less in theirs. That's a simple, quick explanation

of it, but it's really wonderful b/c you join them in their stims and I'll

tell you, you start to feel what it does for them; some of the stims are

really calming. We all have stims, we just do what's more socially

acceptable (like tapping a pen on our desk or bouncing our leg up and down

really fast while sitting).

Now, they do talk a little about digestive problems (very little), but this

is not their forte or experience. It's one thing that kind of was missing

for me, but what I did was take what I could learn and use it for my son,

while still working on his major digestive issues and immune dysfunction.

The people that started this don't have a son with major health issues, he

was more just in his own world. Although he does talk and tout the

digestive enzymes. For us, that's not even touching what my Liam has been

through or needs medically. So, this approach may be just ONE piece of the

puzzle for some children. It's just one little piece for us, but it's a

wonderful way to approach the child and it's helped our Liam start to look

more in our eyes and talk.

Hope that helps and makes sense!

Kathi

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lori

Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 8:55 AM

Subject: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

was when diagnosed with ``A``.

He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting that

my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to me that

my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

medications without insurance because we are out of country.

I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

were, all appropriate for their age.

Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years. He is a

good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his kind

demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they worked

would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

accomplishing amazing things.

Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

the most.

I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

them short.

This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many doctors

told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

``experts`` and he is only 12!

Lori

_____

From: <mailto:%40>

[mailto: <mailto:%40> ] On Behalf Of

Sent: March-15-11 8:08 PM

<mailto:%40>

Subject: Re: Re Sonrise Program - trust your gut instinct

We have not done Son-Rise, but maybe will someday. I really like the combo

of an ABA preschool and floortime at home.

I have read through quite a bit of Son-Rise and one of the principles hit

home with me so much; basicaly that your child will not grow until you

accept him the way he is.

Man, what an eye opener. Of course I love my son, but did I accept him? I

think I did to a point, but then really had to thin about it and have a very

honest conversation with myself. I still want the best for my son, I still

want to heal him. But really do love and accept him now the way he is, and

you know what? He has definitely progressed more with that way of thinking.

I dont think it was a large change for me, or him, but it really has helped.

[Guest guest]

>

> that was so well said Lori!!

>

> I love your line ³accepting your child is selling them short.²

>

> Natasa

>

>

>

> I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

> was when diagnosed with ``A``.

>

> He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting that

> my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

>

> We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to me that

> my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

> have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

> Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

> medications without insurance because we are out of country.

>

> I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

> expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

> were, all appropriate for their age.

>

> Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

> musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

> are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years. He is a

> good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his kind

> demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

>

> Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

> talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

> Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they worked

> would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

>

> I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

> acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

> accomplishing amazing things.

>

> Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

> the most.

>

> I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

> them short.

>

> This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many doctors

> told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

> way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

> ``experts`` and he is only 12!

>

> Lori

>

> _____

>

> From: <mailto:%40>

> [mailto: <mailto:%40> ] On Behalf Of

>

> Sent: March-15-11 8:08 PM

> <mailto:%40>

> Subject: Re: Re Sonrise Program - trust your gut instinct

>

> We have not done Son-Rise, but maybe will someday. I really like the combo

> of an ABA preschool and floortime at home.

>

> I have read through quite a bit of Son-Rise and one of the principles hit

> home with me so much; basicaly that your child will not grow until you

> accept him the way he is.

>

> Man, what an eye opener. Of course I love my son, but did I accept him? I

> think I did to a point, but then really had to thin about it and have a very

> honest conversation with myself. I still want the best for my son, I still

> want to heal him. But really do love and accept him now the way he is, and

> you know what? He has definitely progressed more with that way of thinking.

> I dont think it was a large change for me, or him, but it really has helped.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

To clarify: Son-Rise's " acceptance " of the child as he/she is does not

mean that you don't still work to help him/her reach the fullest potential.

The strength of the program is that you go for what you want with full

gusto, but don't freak out or get upset if the child doesn't neatly fit into a

pre-conceived mold of what you're expecting or reach the goals on a

specific timetable. When parents get upset or overly worried about their

child's

condition, they can have a tendency to over-push, not think as clearly,

jump into " cure " treatments that are not appropriate and not be as effective

as they can be when working with the child. The children also pick up on

this discomfort and are often not as approachable as they are with someone

who is totally comfortable with them just as they are. By becoming

comfortable with the situation rather than freaked out by the situation, and

taking

it moment by moment, a parent or therapist can more easily observe what is

going on with the child, put the child as ease, be more creative in their

approach and more clear headed in attempting to reach their goals.

Gaylen

In a message dated 3/17/2011 7:53:37 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

lbharris@... writes:

He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting that

my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

[Guest guest]

Gaylen~

 

I understood what you meant, but as we know unless you have attended the

Start-Up program or fully involved yourself in the program in some way,

you will not completely understand how Son-Rise will change your thinking.

I'll admit, I was skeptical even the day I arrived at the program in Mass this

past June, but after being there for a day, I felt so fortunate that I was able

to attend. It was amazing! And as i said before, I wish it was a requirement

for every family to attend the Son-Rise Start-Up after receiving the diagnosis

of autism. Being surrounded by families who love their children as much as you

love yours and perople from all over the world. I now have friends in several

different countires. It was amazing!

From: Googahly@... <Googahly@...>

Subject: Re: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

Date: Thursday, March 17, 2011, 3:49 PM

 

To clarify: Son-Rise's " acceptance " of the child as he/she is does not

mean that you don't still work to help him/her reach the fullest potential.

The strength of the program is that you go for what you want with full

gusto, but don't freak out or get upset if the child doesn't neatly fit into a

pre-conceived mold of what you're expecting or reach the goals on a

specific timetable. When parents get upset or overly worried about their child's

condition, they can have a tendency to over-push, not think as clearly,

jump into " cure " treatments that are not appropriate and not be as effective

as they can be when working with the child. The children also pick up on

this discomfort and are often not as approachable as they are with someone

who is totally comfortable with them just as they are. By becoming

comfortable with the situation rather than freaked out by the situation, and

taking

it moment by moment, a parent or therapist can more easily observe what is

going on with the child, put the child as ease, be more creative in their

approach and more clear headed in attempting to reach their goals.

Gaylen

In a message dated 3/17/2011 7:53:37 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

lbharris@... writes:

He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting that

my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

[Guest guest]

Perfect Explanation Kathi!

From: Kathi <kathi0908@...>

Subject: RE: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

Date: Thursday, March 17, 2011, 7:43 AM

 

Hi Lori,

I'm not sure you totally understand what was saying; It's kind of like

accepting them for where they are right NOW. Not that you accept it here

and forever and therefore will do nothing about it to change it for the

better. Sonrise IS all about doing something about it. BUT, people

sometimes harbor negative feelings and our kids can feel it. I mean of

course we are sad, frustrated, etc, but we need to stop and accept where

they are NOW and work to connect with them to then help them move on.

I attended the start up program and believe me, it's all about doing

something; it's actually quite a task they put on you as parentsJ! It's

about never giving up on your kiddo. The basic theme is that you join them

in their world, build trust/relationship, gain eye contact, then slowly

bring them into ours. For example, my son loves to smoosh his face in his

blanket or look at shadows on the wall with his hands, I simply join him in

whatever stim he's doing until he gives me the green light (=looks at me,

says a word to me, touches me). That green light shows he wants some type

of interaction with me, which is huge (therefore, pulling him out of his

world a bit). You keep joining them until they want to be with you more and

more in your world and less in theirs. That's a simple, quick explanation

of it, but it's really wonderful b/c you join them in their stims and I'll

tell you, you start to feel what it does for them; some of the stims are

really calming. We all have stims, we just do what's more socially

acceptable (like tapping a pen on our desk or bouncing our leg up and down

really fast while sitting).

Now, they do talk a little about digestive problems (very little), but this

is not their forte or experience. It's one thing that kind of was missing

for me, but what I did was take what I could learn and use it for my son,

while still working on his major digestive issues and immune dysfunction.

The people that started this don't have a son with major health issues, he

was more just in his own world. Although he does talk and tout the

digestive enzymes. For us, that's not even touching what my Liam has been

through or needs medically. So, this approach may be just ONE piece of the

puzzle for some children. It's just one little piece for us, but it's a

wonderful way to approach the child and it's helped our Liam start to look

more in our eyes and talk.

Hope that helps and makes sense!

Kathi

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lori

Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 8:55 AM

Subject: Re: Sonrise Program - now acceptance of ``A``

I am sorry to disagree , but I would NEVER accept my child the way he

was when diagnosed with ``A``.

He was medically ill and accepting that would be the same as accepting that

my child has cancer and not doing anything about it!

We love our children unconditionally, but it was never acceptable to me that

my child, because of a misunderstood medical illness, would not grow up to

have a normal life. That is why I moved heaven and earth to get to Dr.

Goldberg and I continue to do so to afford the phone consults and

medications without insurance because we are out of country.

I never ever treated my child differently because of his diagnosis. He was

expected to conform to the behaviour and rules that his brother and sister

were, all appropriate for their age.

Today at age 12 he is a remarkable boy. Extremely disciplines and talented

musically, and academically. Still sweet, kind and honest, although there

are some of the normal manipulations that happen in the tween years. He is a

good boy, always complemented by strangers and friends parents for his kind

demeanour, manners and sunny disposition.

Accepting that he could not string spontaneous sentences together or only

talk in scripts from movies would not have got him where he was today.

Accepting that he could not play with toys but only examine how they worked

would not have got him to be the imaginative, creative kid he is today.

I am pleased that you feel your child is making progress with your

acceptance. But set the bar high. They are capable of reaching it and

accomplishing amazing things.

Patience and determination. Those are the things your child needs from you

the most.

I do not mean to be disrespectful; however accepting your child is selling

them short.

This is something I feel so strongly about, especially after so many doctors

told me that I would just have to learn to accept my son the way he was.no

way!!! I didn't and he was far succeeded the expectations of any of the

``experts`` and he is only 12!

Lori

_____

From: <mailto:%40>

[mailto: <mailto:%40> ] On Behalf Of

Sent: March-15-11 8:08 PM

<mailto:%40>

Subject: Re: Re Sonrise Program - trust your gut instinct

We have not done Son-Rise, but maybe will someday. I really like the combo

of an ABA preschool and floortime at home.

I have read through quite a bit of Son-Rise and one of the principles hit

home with me so much; basicaly that your child will not grow until you

accept him the way he is.

Man, what an eye opener. Of course I love my son, but did I accept him? I

think I did to a point, but then really had to thin about it and have a very

honest conversation with myself. I still want the best for my son, I still

want to heal him. But really do love and accept him now the way he is, and

you know what? He has definitely progressed more with that way of thinking.

I dont think it was a large change for me, or him, but it really has helped.