Worried about other kids

[Guest guest]

Back in the early days, one of my constant concerns was for my daughter,

. She was getting the short end of the stick because so much of our

time went to helping get better. Along with no attention, had to

endure physical abuse from him. When she was little, her brother used to

squeeze, bite and pinch her until she cried. When she asked me if she could

hit him back. My usual reply was, " When he gets better, you can hit him. "

Even today, it continues to be a big joke between them. Most siblings don't

hit each other when they are adults, but my daughter is the exception.

still holds me to my words. is better, so she hits him.

slugs in the arm when he is a smart ass or does something she doesn't

like. They share a look of understanding and then they laugh. It doesn't

matter that he towers over her. She will always be the big sister. Some

things don't change just because kids grow up.

I shouldn't have worried as much as I did about getting enough time.

The time she got didn't need to be equal to what got, just enough to

meet her needs

" Siblings without Rivalry " was extremely helpful book for raising all kids,

not just the ones on the spectrum. It helped me with how to divide myself

so there was not resentment by my " typical " child and how to include her in

the solution for . When was only seven, we included her as part

of 's educational team. would log in as one of the therapists and

teach how to play. I think I paid her $1/hour. Back then lined

up toys and obsessed over certain mechanical things. He didn't know how to

play appropriately. taught pretend play better than any of the

adults who had long forgotten how to do this. This made feel a part

of the team and a part of the solution in helping .

Every Saturday night, and I had " our special time. " No matter what

happened during the week, she knew that on Saturday, it would be just Mommy

and her and she didn't have to share me with anyone. We would plan for this

time all week, buying the candy and treats that wasn't allowed to eat.

Our goodies were stashed in several secret hiding places around the house.

On Saturday night after the boys left for their adventure, and I would

cuddle on the coach and watch " Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman " and eat junk food

until our stomachs hurt.

Recently, I admitted to ( when she was all grown up) that I thought

the premise of the Dr. Quinn show was dumb. A woman doctor would never be

accepted during that time period. She got mad at me for that and

immediately went out and bought the DVD set of the series. Next, she sat me

on the couch to watch it with her (at age 22) just to prove I was wrong.

Those Saturday nights together were wonderful memories for both of us. I

also loved the other book by the same authors, " How to Talk so Kids will

Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk. "

Now that is all grown up, I know she is a better person because of

's " autism " . was an old wise soul as a kid, since she had to do

so many things for herself at a young age. And when she was done with her

needs she had to help me when I needed it. As a result, she is one of the

most responsible and together people I have ever known. The difficulties

she had to deal with actually made her a more giving and compassionate

person who always stands up for those who can't protect themselves.

Best,

Marcia