Re: just when I thought it was safe..

[Guest guest]

http://borderlinepersonality.typepad.com/my_weblog/abandonment/index.html

Here's a link that I just read today.  It seemed to put things back into some

perspective again.  I think the hardest part is for the BPD to admit to having a

problem and to being abusive.  Then change can happen if theywant it, but we

also would need to change ourselves.  Sort of like building a new relationship

so that you and BPD don't get into old behavior patterns, etc.  I'm speaking not

from experience, but what I've read.  Hope the link helps you too.

  

Take Care Of You,

JaneSoul

just when I thought it was safe..

Just when I thought it was safe to assume, never assume obviously,

that nada was starting to get the message - BAM! Incoming email.

Nothing insulting, just a simple email saying my father and I were

all she has and now that my father is gone, I'm all she has. She

hopes someday we can be close again and have our long conversations.

My response to this was a mixture of things. First I felt like

someone stuck a knife in my heart, then I got mad at her for pushing

my buttons and trying to manipulate me. Then for some strange reason,

the anxiety kicked and now I'm not in my " happy place " anymore.

It really bothers me that a stupid email can have this effect on me.

There have been times when I have questioned her being BPD, probably

because when I think of how she acts and what's she's done in the

past it is so unfathomable that I can't believe someone would say and

act the way she does/has. I begin to wonder if I misinterpreted

things or made things to be worse than they are. But, moments like

this I do not question it all. And, yes, I know...don't read the

emails! I wasn't expecting this because last email I got from her was

as superficial as our conversations - the weather, the cat and her

gardening.

I was doing really well and now I feel like I've been nudged off my

path, not drop-kicked like I usually do, but slightly nudged. yet

again, I have some thinking to do.

I realize I don't understand this mental illness at all. The only

thing that is predictable is the unpredictability. If I was to say

anything or respond to it, she'd act like I was the crazy one, she's

just a lonely old lady and I'm an uncaring daughter. Intellectually,

I knew when I decided to LC that it was not going to be easy. It

seems like things are okay for a week or so, then she starts in with

the emotional blackmail. The big difference is that I recognize it

and can work through the emotional response faster than before.. I

won't be left an emotional wreck for a few days. I'll think about,

I'll get mad, think about things that happened to me as a kid and an

adult, get sad, probably cry and then move on all in one day.

I was reading a website that I someone posted earlier. Sorry, but I

can't remember the site and the woman said she was no longer BP. I

really question whether that is possible. How can you " cure "

something rooted so deeply in your personality?

This brings me to my biggest concern, can I or you ever fully

recover? Will I ever be " normal " or will I always be screwed up

because of this?

Abby

[Guest guest]

Abby, you know you are doing the right thing and you know you are

getting better, so give yourself some grace here. You aren't a robot

with no emotions-- you are a caring person in a very tough situation.

The anxiety will pass, just keep working through it.

[Guest guest]

>

> This brings me to my biggest concern, can I or you ever fully

> recover? Will I ever be " normal " or will I always be screwed up

> because of this?

>

Abby-

The thing about recovery is to remember that it is a process, not a

single event. Like a chemical addiction, our emotional issues can

come back to haunt us when we least expect it. But knowing what we

are dealing with and learning better coping strategies, just like you

already described, you can work through the set-backs more quickly.

It's like any other skill you learn, you get better as time goes on.

We have also have to un-learn some habits we picked up along the

way. Unlike a person with BPD, we have the ability to recognize our

issues and attempt to change them. And again...it's a process.

Sometimes I have to just laugh at myself for all the stupid baggage I

still carry around almost without realizing it. I think of it a bit

like peeling an artichoke...you have to get through the thorny bits

to get to the heart...peel away those bad habits one by one until you

are left with the heart. And what is " normal " anyway?

Take care and don't beat yourself up too much!

JJFan

[Guest guest]

I love that feeling when a new day dawns and yesterday's stress is much

more muted. Abby, so glad you are staying strong and letting the storm

pass you by.

[Guest guest]

I think you can be as normal as you possibly can be. Now think about what it

means to be normal with human behavior. You will always be trained to be

hypervigilant, you will be more sensitive than most to others and you will have

a low threshold for Bull****. I guess what I am trying to say is that you need

to define what is normal for you and live with those boundaries.

Be strong. You are doing fine.

just when I thought it was safe..

Just when I thought it was safe to assume, never assume obviously,

that nada was starting to get the message - BAM! Incoming email.

Nothing insulting, just a simple email saying my father and I were

all she has and now that my father is gone, I'm all she has. She

hopes someday we can be close again and have our long conversations.

My response to this was a mixture of things. First I felt like

someone stuck a knife in my heart, then I got mad at her for pushing

my buttons and trying to manipulate me. Then for some strange reason,

the anxiety kicked and now I'm not in my " happy place " anymore.

It really bothers me that a stupid email can have this effect on me.

There have been times when I have questioned her being BPD, probably

because when I think of how she acts and what's she's done in the

past it is so unfathomable that I can't believe someone would say and

act the way she does/has. I begin to wonder if I misinterpreted

things or made things to be worse than they are. But, moments like

this I do not question it all.. And, yes, I know...don't read the

emails! I wasn't expecting this because last email I got from her was

as superficial as our conversations - the weather, the cat and her

gardening.

I was doing really well and now I feel like I've been nudged off my

path, not drop-kicked like I usually do, but slightly nudged. yet

again, I have some thinking to do.

I realize I don't understand this mental illness at all. The only

thing that is predictable is the unpredictability. If I was to say

anything or respond to it, she'd act like I was the crazy one, she's

just a lonely old lady and I'm an uncaring daughter. Intellectually,

I knew when I decided to LC that it was not going to be easy. It

seems like things are okay for a week or so, then she starts in with

the emotional blackmail. The big difference is that I recognize it

and can work through the emotional response faster than before. I

won't be left an emotional wreck for a few days. I'll think about,

I'll get mad, think about things that happened to me as a kid and an

adult, get sad, probably cry and then move on all in one day.

I was reading a website that I someone posted earlier. Sorry, but I

can't remember the site and the woman said she was no longer BP. I

really question whether that is possible. How can you " cure "

something rooted so deeply in your personality?

This brings me to my biggest concern, can I or you ever fully

recover? Will I ever be " normal " or will I always be screwed up

because of this?

Abby