Re: The Narcissistic Father

[Guest guest]

My mom is a Narc BPD. Isn't it crazy (no pun intended!) how they act so

baldly that all you want to do is criticize them and that's the trigger

that gets them acting like YOUR the one with problem?

My mom's boyfriend in the final days of their failing relationship,

started pointing out her compulsive spending habits. He said she was

talking to him like he was 5 years old. She kept saying " You just have

to calm down right now. You are off your medication and it's making you

act erratic. Just calm down. " He was on testosterone and he had

switched brands. He was like " What the hell are you talking about! I'm

not erratic! Your car almost got repo-ed! " This ended badly about 2

weeks later with her holed up in a hotel, convinced the poor man was a

danger to her safety. Apparently it's easier for a Narc to imagine that

their loved one is a physcopath rather then accept responsibility for

their actions or show some empathy.

Everytime I tell my mom how her actions effect me, she blames my dad or

husband or the nearest person in the room. I feel sorry for you! We

both deal with a Narc and BPD- but yours are a tag team!!

[Guest guest]

Ugh. " Erratic " is a total trigger word for me. When I was a

teenager, my mom used to say and scream horrible things at me, and I

was expected to just stand there and take it. If I dared react

(usually with tears, sometimes just with an actual scream of

frustration) she would look at me with disgust and horror and

say " You need help. You are SO erratic! " As of the last time we

talked, she was STILL using that word against me, " Well Jessi, I just

don't know HOW to talk to you, ever since you were a teenager you've

been SOOOO erratic. " What is erratic about having NORMAL human

responses to hurt or frustration?

Sorry...just had to say it after reading that word.

>

> My mom is a Narc BPD. Isn't it crazy (no pun intended!) how they

act so

> baldly that all you want to do is criticize them and that's the

trigger

> that gets them acting like YOUR the one with problem?

>

> My mom's boyfriend in the final days of their failing relationship,

> started pointing out her compulsive spending habits. He said she

was

> talking to him like he was 5 years old. She kept saying " You just

have

> to calm down right now. You are off your medication and it's making

you

> act erratic. Just calm down. " He was on testosterone and he had

> switched brands. He was like " What the hell are you talking about!

I'm

> not erratic! Your car almost got repo-ed! " This ended badly about 2

> weeks later with her holed up in a hotel, convinced the poor man

was a

> danger to her safety. Apparently it's easier for a Narc to imagine

that

> their loved one is a physcopath rather then accept responsibility

for

> their actions or show some empathy.

>

> Everytime I tell my mom how her actions effect me, she blames my

dad or

> husband or the nearest person in the room. I feel sorry for you! We

> both deal with a Narc and BPD- but yours are a tag team!!

>

[Guest guest]

LOL! And as far as taking credit for the " nice " things, that goes

just as far into the extreme!

My mom told her therapist during her evaluation that my sister became

a paramedic because she was inspired by my mom when she took a CPR

class a few years ago.

When the therapist was doing his family interviews, he asked my

sister (with the suspicion that my mom was a NARC I'm sure) if there

was any truth to it. My sister was like " WHAT!? I became a paramedic

because I learned about it during career day at school! " My mom took

a CPR class and dropped out half way through the 8 hour course. Soooo

inspiring. If it wasn't so sad- it would be funny.

>

> > Apparently it's easier for a Narc to imagine that

> > their loved one is a physcopath rather then accept responsibility

for

> > their actions or show some empathy.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Narc + alcoholic = my dad.

He's been sober since 1994 but honestly, the narc thing has never

totally gone away. The worst thing is that he started going to a very

fundamentalist church about 4 years ago and now teaches Sunday

School. So now he's not only THE authority on humbleness and

sobriety, but after years of being a total heathen and making fun of

me for my faith, he now thinks he can call me to enlighten me on the

Bible.

Remember that face you made when you were a kid and your mother said

not to do it because it might stay that way? My eyes permanently roll

now. LOL

> >

> > Wow!!!!!!!! I read your entry and actually got excited! I too

have BPD

> > nada, but after reading books about BP, it lead me to read about

> > narcissistic

> > personality disorder. All of the sudden, I found myself reading a

book

> > all

> > about my father! I was flipping out! Here, I had just learned

that

> > there was

> > an actual name for my nada's behavior and was just learning how

to

> > deal with

> > HER. As I was learning about her and behaving differently with

her, my

> > dad

> > kept stepping in and defended her left and right; Just like u

said!

> >

> > My dad never defended us kids when we would get attacked by my

mother;

> > and

> > still to this day (I'm 54), will not defend us.He makes constant

> > excuses for

> > her behavior, and adds " but she really loves you " , " so you

should

> > just ignor

> > it " .

> >

> > My dad likes to be the center of attention at all times; his

ideas are

> > always the best (in his mind), he needs constant praise, and God

help

> > you if you

> > say " no " to him, or disagree with him.

> >

> > I always wondered (and had serious issues with) why my dad never

> > listened to

> > me, or ackowledged my emotions or feelings................Turns

out, they

> > don't listen to anyone. They interrupt people in the middle of

their

> > conversations with others, try to dominate every situation. He's

> > extremely rude and

> > doesn't have a clue that he is. Once he was talking about himself

(his

> > favorite topic) and in the middle of it I was saying out loud,

yeah, I

> > cut off 2

> > fingers yesterday, spent the day in the hospital, lots of

> > blood......etc. .

> > He NEVER SKIPPED A BEAT IN TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF. I've actuall

done this

> > several times in front of my sis-in-law, husband and brother and

they

> > were

> > amazed.

> >

> > He talks about himself constantly, or should I say brags about

himself

> > constantly.

> >

> > ly, after all I've learned this year about my parents, I

don't

> > really

> > want to be around either one of them.

> >

> > Oh yeah, the other thing they do on a constant basis is completely

> > disrespect others. Example; I have my own dog grooming business

and

> > groom out of my

> > garage. He will call to say he's on his way over (doesn't even

ask if

> > it's

> > ok). I'll tell him I'm really busy, it's a bad time, and 20

minutes

> > later he's

> > barging in my house.He doesn't care that he's intruding. He

expects my

> > husband and I to drop what we're doing and pay attention to him.

> >

> > Sorry to ramble about this. It's just that I've never seen an

entry on

> > here

> > where someone else has actually LIVED thru, and is able to speak

about,

> > their disfunctional life with a BP mom and NPD father. How I made

it

> > this far

> > without being declared mentally ill, I'll never know.

> >

> > LL

> >

> >

>

>

>