Guest guest Posted September 2, 2012 Report Share Posted September 2, 2012 ...so what do you do when you've done your list? Defuse, make space ect..? To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, 2 September 2012, 21:32 Subject: Resentments Hi everyone,Curious if anyone here has had the opportunity to do a resentment list such as the one recommended by for all his clients to do, whether you're an addict or not.I'm doing one now and I cannot believe how darn long the list is. I am in shock. I knew I had some pent up angry, but this is insane. Wow, I have been one angry (hurt, afraid) gal. There is something very powerful in this exercise I can't put my finger on just yet. I am grateful though I do have a couple of folks who have walked before me helping me with it. You shouldn't have to feel you must do this alone. (I did for a long time). kind regards,terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2012 Report Share Posted September 2, 2012 Well that's a good question..I really don't know. That part is a bit fuzzy and I'm taking it slow, not there yet. But just putting it down on paper is blowing me away. I didn't realize I was that angry for so long and had so many hurts.I'll probably need to find out from people I'm working with, sponsors. writes in Wisdom to Know the Difference he does this with all his clients. Maybe he can shed light on he goes about it. I actually am not sure if I should also include times where fear stood in my way, where I avoided.I'm taking it slow. I'm not sure if I'm doing it "right". I'm not sure if it's supposed to be exhaustive or just the biggies, just enough to look at patterns of ineffective relating with others. But then I'm never sure I'm doing anything right. But doing a part of it feels right right now. I'm going to try to keep it simple and so for now just making a list of folks (and institutions) I've been pissed with, what happened (what was my gripe), what was the outcome, how did it go, and what seemed to be affected or threatened with the resentment such as my sense of security (emotional, financial, social), my pride, ego. I think ultimately you then move on and make amends when and where it's appropriate. And that may be first and foremost with myself!Kind of like it suggests in the Big Book of AA. Although clearly not only useful for addicts. To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, September 2, 2012 1:49 PM Subject: Re: Resentments ...so what do you do when you've done your list? Defuse, make space ect..? To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, 2 September 2012, 21:32 Subject: Resentments Hi everyone,Curious if anyone here has had the opportunity to do a resentment list such as the one recommended by for all his clients to do, whether you're an addict or not.I'm doing one now and I cannot believe how darn long the list is. I am in shock. I knew I had some pent up angry, but this is insane. Wow, I have been one angry (hurt, afraid) gal. There is something very powerful in this exercise I can't put my finger on just yet. I am grateful though I do have a couple of folks who have walked before me helping me with it. You shouldn't have to feel you must do this alone. (I did for a long time). kind regards,terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2012 Report Share Posted September 2, 2012 From an ACT standpoint, I will say that it's pretty clear my inability to accept defuse and move with committed goals based on chosen values sure have got me in a heap load of trouble. For examples, I'm noticing just how much I acted on fears and hurts and longings versus say, just breathing, and sitting with the discomfort, just noticing: "I'm having some pain right now". It's like I just jumped over and over again that step, not pausing to even acknowledge and bring mindful presence. And the wreckage that occured due to acting on my fears has been mind boggling, very sad.Like Henrik has been discussing, about accepting where he's at, really noticing the longings, the dreams, the hurts, not resisting. There is a thought I'm having though and it's a very tricky and dangerous one. It's telling me that I now that I have ACT tools, I can somehow now control my addiction.It's fairly insane, but important to look at..my mind is saying something like this: "now that I know how to accept and defuse I can also now refuse to fuse with the fact that I'm an addict. That was just my history and that's not me really. I became addicted because I didn't know ACT skills. So now I can find a way to reverse it." However, control IS the problem! And radical acceptance includes accepting what is so, my limitations. To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, September 2, 2012 3:26 PM Subject: Re: Resentments Well that's a good question..I really don't know. That part is a bit fuzzy and I'm taking it slow, not there yet. But just putting it down on paper is blowing me away. I didn't realize I was that angry for so long and had so many hurts.I'll probably need to find out from people I'm working with, sponsors. writes in Wisdom to Know the Difference he does this with all his clients. Maybe he can shed light on he goes about it. I actually am not sure if I should also include times where fear stood in my way, where I avoided.I'm taking it slow. I'm not sure if I'm doing it "right". I'm not sure if it's supposed to be exhaustive or just the biggies, just enough to look at patterns of ineffective relating with others. But then I'm never sure I'm doing anything right. But doing a part of it feels right right now. I'm going to try to keep it simple and so for now just making a list of folks (and institutions) I've been pissed with, what happened (what was my gripe), what was the outcome, how did it go, and what seemed to be affected or threatened with the resentment such as my sense of security (emotional, financial, social), my pride, ego. I think ultimately you then move on and make amends when and where it's appropriate. And that may be first and foremost with myself!Kind of like it suggests in the Big Book of AA. Although clearly not only useful for addicts. To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, September 2, 2012 1:49 PM Subject: Re: Resentments ...so what do you do when you've done your list? Defuse, make space ect..? To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, 2 September 2012, 21:32 Subject: Resentments Hi everyone,Curious if anyone here has had the opportunity to do a resentment list such as the one recommended by for all his clients to do, whether you're an addict or not.I'm doing one now and I cannot believe how darn long the list is. I am in shock. I knew I had some pent up angry, but this is insane. Wow, I have been one angry (hurt, afraid) gal. There is something very powerful in this exercise I can't put my finger on just yet. I am grateful though I do have a couple of folks who have walked before me helping me with it. You shouldn't have to feel you must do this alone. (I did for a long time). kind regards,terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.