Advice?

[Guest guest]

My mother is in what I call tantrom mode. She is refusing to speak

to me. This time it is because I didn't pay enough attention to

her/them at a Memorial Day barbeque (We had spent the entire morning

before the barbeque at thier house). I started to write a lenghtly

post about what happened but it went on WAY to long.

Two things are really bugging me. One, I am concerned that after we

left the party my mom started playing the victim to all of her

friends. She does this by sighing and rolling her eyes and trying to

look like a pouty 12 year old (seriously, she even talks in baby talk

sometimes...and she is 78). I really think that many of these people

(I've known them my whole life)buy the " my daughter is so difficult,

poor me " routine.

The other thing is that we have to see them this weekend at another

party (a surprise birthday party---same group as the Memorial Day

party). With my mother acting like this it can become very

uncomfortable. She will constantly do things to attract my attention

to her and then dramatically clentch her jaw, look away, look like

she is going to cry, roll her eyes or do a combination of all of

these things. By now she has stoked the fires of my fathers knee-

jerk reaction of feeling rejected (not hard to do) so he will be

tense and uncomfortable, teetering on the edge of depression. BTW,

my dad is always uncomfortable in social situations even if he has

known the people for 35 years as was true on Monday and will be true

on Saturday.

So there I will be on Saturday, many of the people believing that I

am " impossible " and my mother is such a saint to deal with me, trying

to appear relaxed and engaging. Inside I will feel awkward and ugly

(my mother always called my behavior " ugly " when I didn't give her

enough attention or got angry at her).

I think this all brings back the feeling I had as a kid when people

always told me what wonderful mother I had. If she's womderful I

must really be " ugly " right? No one saw what I was going through.

No one saw what she was doing.

I have to attend this party. The person who it is for is important

to me. The truth is I'm starting to feel guilty about my feelings of

not wanting to be around my parents and the guilt is starting to feel

very bad. I start to feel very bad about my dad...he becomes

so " wounded " (he was suicidal when I was a kid).

I thought I was getting stronger but I'm a mess.

Thanks for reading this. I really appreciate the feedback I get here.