Re: I'm trying to get in here/

[Guest guest]

,

I am sorry but I answered both you and Dave at the same time. I do not

have cervical fusions but I have three lumbar fusions and have had an

automobile accident after I had my surgery and it damaged my Sacral

Iliac Joint permanently, I have fibromylalgia, got hashimotos

thyroiditis .So I will carry this pain with me forever.

My fusion has screws and instrumentation with replacement of my

vertebrae. I have degenerative disc disease. I changed my career from

the medical field to teaching since I could not lift, was not eligible

to be in the Air Force Reserves and had to retire and wait on pay. This

devastated me. I felt my

purpose for life had been removed because of chronic pain. I was so

overwhelmed, when my son graduated from high school I felt I was no

longer needed. I had never considered suicide but thoughts of me just

going to sleep and not waking up to pain crossed my mind a lot.

The pain and acceptance, came from joining several pain groups and

knowing I am not alone and some one always has it worse than me. I had

to accept I will have to take pain medication the rest of my life if I

want to be functional. I deal with it by advocating for my self with

my doctor and medical personnel.

I am tired of being looked at as if my pain might not exist and I just

am really blunt but kind stating what I have been through.

I suffer from depression and it comes and goes. I do not have any

friends except on this website and a few others. I quite trying to go

places to please others when I felt bad and I took care of myself. Why

should I go out and pretend I am not hurting and avoid questions about

my pain when I need to talk about it because no on else wants to talk

about it.

, the pointers I give are the same as others might give.Look at

someone who is really young and has to do this longer than us, I am on

an antidepressant and I have two dogs who keep me from really thinking

about leaving this world. I also am trying to grow in my faith. I try

to have a sense of humor also. I make no commitments to keep my

stress levels down and I have had to separate myself from family

members who do not understand and just says, Well just don't think

about it, just get up and go. Wish I could.

Every day I wake up I think, OH, its still there. Just know that people

here do care and will support you and encourage you. My doctor told me

it is like a death being told you will never be out of pain, and you

have to grieve over the loss. The same steps that are used to grieve a

death are the same you experience with chronic pain and loss of

previous lives. I have heard others say dont let your pain control you,

control it.

That will take a good pain management doctor which I didn't have for

years. Now I am on timed medication with breakthrough support, and

other medication for other disorders. It has been really hard for me

as I had a very high pain threshold and it is as if I got stuck in a

pain cycle and never

got out ot it.

I hope I did not throw you cliches but I truly care and this group does

also. I found having some control of my medical care and pain helps

rather than having a doctor who just tells me what he will do.. Start

a pain dairy and functional assessment to journal your pain and things

or events that effect it.

Stay away from toxic situations and persons that don't take you

seriously. You need all the support systems you can get. I have found

the support from those who have chronic pain have helped me make it

through. The moderators here are great and read all you can on your

condition and what to do to help. I like Spine Universe, it has all

the new techniques and procedures to help.

Well, I hope I have added something positive and we are here for you. I

will be thinking of you. I know the members of this group will also.

Bennie