Re: Re: On face value...

[Guest guest]

Oh my gawd, my mother always did that in public. So, for instance she could

give a sh*t about if I did my homework and had NO idea what classes I was

in. But, if the teacher walked in the room she would assume that air of

authority like she invented my ability to do homework. Worse still was the

case of my wedding dress. I picked out the pattern, bought the fabric and

found someone to help me sew it (I was 20 years old by the way). Then she

DELIVERED THE CHECK to the person who sewed it for me. It was hugely

embarrassing because the check was supposed to be a gift from my dad and she

basically threw a party for herself when she delivered it saying " HERE " S THE

FILTHY LUCRE!!! " No subtlty at all. I could have died from embarassment. I

realized she had been talking about the beloved check for about 30 minutes

before she presented it - it was a gift from my dad placed discretly in an

envelope with a thank you card - god I am still embarassed. THis is the

first time I've talked about it I was so embarrassed. It's only been 12

years.

>

> Your post stirred up a memory for me Kyla. My husband and I paid for our

> own wedding too. When my mother came to town about 4 months before the

> wedding I took her to see the hotel we had booked. The wedding planner from

> the hotel started showing her around and she effected this Queen-like

> demeanor as if she needed to be sold on the place and she wasn't quite sure

> it was up to her standards...

>

>

>

> Re: On face value...

>

>

> Oh my goodness, look how hard your mother looked for trouble! She

> tries to whip up the racism card, and the opposite was true -- your

> in-laws embraced you completely! If anyone was hurtful by bringing

> your Korean ancestry in, it was your MOTHER!

>

> My mom was not supportive of my wedding, either. She has a hard

> time parting with money, and I think she thought she could get a

> nice wedding for about $100.. She hates to pay people -- yet

> complains if my dad doesn't get a good paycheck. It's a one way

> street with her.

>

> My fiance (now husband of 20 years) and I paid for our own wedding.

> And it wasn't a fancy affair, either. It was bare bones, except I

> did splurge on my dress. (Back then, $1000 for a wedding dress was a

> lot -- especially to me!) My mother just thought that you buy a

> couple of cases of beer and a wedding dress and voila! you've got

> yourself a wedding!

>

> -kyla

>

>

> > >

> > > On face value some of the things mom does seem innocent. That's

> > what

> > > has always tripped me up. It also is why most observers think

> I'm

> > > the one with the problem. What happened yesterday is an example.

> > >

> > > Mom and dad are over for fathers day and mom and I are in the

> > > kitchen. Mom says to me " I want to ask you something and I hope

> it

> > > isn't too intrusive " I think " crap, what's this going to be " .

> > Then

> > > she says " when you were in New York did take pictures of

> the

> > > kids? " . is my mother-in-law. Now, if this question is

> > really

> > > about whether or not (a photographer) took pictures of my

> > > daughter and her cousins, why on earth would the question

> > > be " intrusive " ? Because the question wasn't about photographs,

> of

> > > course, it was a way of stating a whole conversation about

> .

> > > You see, we hapened to be in New York for mothers day. The

> reason

> > we

> > > went to NY was because my husband had reason to be in NY for

> > business

> > > and my daughter and I went along. I lived in NY for 18 years

> and

> > > some of my closest friends live there and anyone who knows me

> knows

> > > how much I miss living there. Anyone who knows me knows how I

> feel

> > > as if I come alive the second I step off the plane at JFK.

> Anyone

> > > who knows me knows that this is very important to me. We get

> back

> > to

> > > NY 2-3 times a year which isn't nearly enough for me. Of course

> > when

> > > I told my mom we were going to NY back in May she fired back " so

> > you

> > > can be with for mothers day " ? WTF. Yes, mom, thats it.

> No

> > > other reason. I feel compelled to be with my mother-in-law on

> > > mothers day beacause this stupid halmark holiday is the most

> > > important day of the year for me.

> > > So anyway, we saw my mother-in-law while we were there but not

> on

> > > mothers day. My mother found this out and is completely

> > perplexed.

> > > Also, my mother-in-law is going through some changes in her life

> > and

> > > my mother is dying to know what is going on. Not out of concern

> > mind

> > > you, but out of her crazed jealousy. There is a whole history

> of

> > my

> > > mother doing crazy things regarding my mother-in-law.

> > > But if someone had overheard they would just say " she was only

> > asking

> > > about pictures, whats wrong with you? " .

> > > Then there was when she kept " complementing " me on my skin. She

> > told

> > > me I have " a nice glow from the sun " . I said thank you. Then

> she

> > > kept staring at me and saying it again and again. On face

> value,

> > it

> > > is a complement. What's wrong with me that I can't receive a

> > > complement? But it was really her way of zeroing in on my

> > > appearance. She is revolted by my weight (I have been having a

> > huge

> > > problem with it) and every time she sees me she tries to figure

> out

> > a

> > > way to talk about how " concerned " she is. It is really about

> how

> > > disgusted she is and how much she wants to " take control " of

> what I

> > > eat (no kidding...she once offered to take control of what I eat

> > for

> > > me. Whatever the f**k that means given that I'm 38). She stares

> at

> > > me when I eat, following the food to my mouth with a look of

> > concern

> > > and disgust. And for some strange reason when I'm around her I

> am

> > > starving and cannot stop eating.

> > > The day ended with her saying to my four year old daughter " you

> > said

> > > you want to visit us next weekend so I hope mommy and daddy will

> > > bring you... " Of course my daughter never said that.

> > > It still gets to me. I wish it didn't but it does.

> > > I'm sorry for rambling on and on....I just had to vent.

> > >

> >

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