abuser gets what he wants – his kids detach and abandon him to his great relief.

[Guest guest]

Has anyone read Malignant Self Love? The woman who wrote Boomerang Love

recommended it to me. I just ordered it only - expensive, even the used copy

I got was over $50.

Anyway, I wanted to share this section from his website at

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

Minors pose little danger of criticizing the abuser or confronting him. They

are perfect, malleable and abundant Sources of Narcissistic Supply. The

narcissistic parent derives gratification from having incestuous relations

with adulating, physically and mentally inferior, inexperienced and

dependent " bodies " .

Yet, the older the offspring, the more they become critical, even

judgemental, of the abusive parent. They are better able to put into context

and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to anticipate his

moves. As they mature, they often refuse to continue to play the mindless

pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what he has done

to them in the past, when they were less capable of resistance. They can

gauge his true stature, talents and achievements – which, usually, lag far

behind the claims that he makes.

This brings the abusive parent back a full cycle. Again, he perceives his

sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and devaluing.

He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and cold, rejects

any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures and the

preciousness and scarceness of his time.

He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and claustrophobic. He

wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have become

totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand why he has

to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes himself to have

been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped.

He rebels either passively-aggressively (by refusing to act or by intentionally

sabotaging the relationships) or actively (by being overly critical,

aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and so on).

Slowly – to justify his acts to himself – he gets immersed in conspiracy

theories with clear paranoid hues.

To his mind, the members of the family conspire against him, seek to

belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him, or stymie

his growth. The abuser usually finally gets what he wants – his kids detach

and abandon him to his great sorrow, but also to his great relief.

[Guest guest]

Well, this book is specifically about narcissism, which some people believe

is at the root of all personality disorders. I've been told that my mother

was a narc/bpd by some smart people, but I doubt the medical community will

ever sort her out, esp since she has no interest in persuing treatment.

>

> Oh, forgot to add. I was frequently told little kids are cute, but

> after 3-4 years old they're not so cute anymore.

>

>

> > >

> > > Has anyone read Malignant Self Love? The woman who wrote

> Boomerang

> > Love

> > > recommended it to me. I just ordered it only - expensive, even

> the

> > used copy

> > > I got was over $50.

> > >

> > > Anyway, I wanted to share this section from his website at

> > > http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

> > >

> > > Minors pose little danger of criticizing the abuser or

> confronting

> > him. They

> > > are perfect, malleable and abundant Sources of Narcissistic

> Supply.

> > The

> > > narcissistic parent derives gratification from having incestuous

> > relations

> > > with adulating, physically and mentally inferior, inexperienced

> and

> > > dependent " bodies " .

> > >

> > > Yet, the older the offspring, the more they become critical, even

> > > judgemental, of the abusive parent. They are better able to put

> > into context

> > > and perspective his actions, to question his motives, to

> anticipate

> > his

> > > moves. As they mature, they often refuse to continue to play the

> > mindless

> > > pawns in his chess game. They hold grudges against him for what

> he

> > has done

> > > to them in the past, when they were less capable of resistance.

> > They can

> > > gauge his true stature, talents and achievements – which,

> usually,

> > lag far

> > > behind the claims that he makes.

> > >

> > > This brings the abusive parent back a full cycle. Again, he

> > perceives his

> > > sons/daughters as threats. He quickly becomes disillusioned and

> > devaluing.

> > > He loses all interest, becomes emotionally remote, absent and

> cold,

> > rejects

> > > any effort to communicate with him, citing life pressures and the

> > > preciousness and scarceness of his time.

> > >

> > > He feels burdened, cornered, besieged, suffocated, and

> > claustrophobic. He

> > > wants to get away, to abandon his commitments to people who have

> > become

> > > totally useless (or even damaging) to him. He does not understand

> > why he has

> > > to support them, or to suffer their company and he believes

> himself

> > to have

> > > been deliberately and ruthlessly trapped.

> > >

> > > He rebels either passively-aggressively (by refusing to act or by

> > intentionally

> > > sabotaging the relationships) or actively (by being overly

> critical,

> > > aggressive, unpleasant, verbally and psychologically abusive and

> so

> > on).

> > > Slowly – to justify his acts to himself – he gets immersed in

> > conspiracy

> > > theories with clear paranoid hues.

> > >

> > > To his mind, the members of the family conspire against him, seek

> to

> > > belittle or humiliate or subordinate him, do not understand him,

> or

> > stymie

> > > his growth. The abuser usually finally gets what he wants – his

> > kids detach

> > > and abandon him to his great sorrow, but also to his great relief.

> > >

> > >

> > >