Re: Introduction

[Guest guest]

Hello Berenice

Welcome to the group. I read you letter and I have very similar

problems as you do. Mine is my L3-L4, L4-L5, L5-S1. Mine began from

an old injury and like you just got worse over time till it became

really bad three years ago.

I decided against surgery for mine as well as its not a cure for it.

My primay doctor tells me to have it when it comes down to having it

or end up in a wheelchair. The first spine doctor I seen wanted to

fuse it the first time I seen him. So I decided to go a different

route I had the steroid shots. They helped for awhile but didn't last

for more than a few weeks. I had the radio frequency done that helped

for a few months. I have a spine stimulator now and that really helps

out with the pain. The only thing left for me except the pain meds is

a pain pump.

I like your attitude about how you handle it. It reminds me a bit

about how I do with mine. I do have times when I get depressed with my

back. Thats one of the things that go with chronic pain. I am 46 soon

to be 47 so I am like you sometimes I don't know if its the hormones

as well as the other.

I try to keep busy myself. I work out at the gym four times a week.

I walk my dogs two times a day. I play on the computer and do

needlework to help keep my mind off it. Sometimes I just keep on

going when I should stop then pay for it later.

I know what you mean about people falling away from you because of

your pain issues and talking about them. I started losing clients at

work because I was talking about it when they asked how I was

feeling. I also know there were times when all I could think about

was getting this person's hair done so I could get off my feet and

rest my hurting back. I know I also didn't talk and hardly smiled or

talked to them as well.

So you have found a good place to find people that understand what we

are all going through. A good place to find friends that listen and

understand.

from Missouri

[Guest guest]

Welcome back! Is it Ladonna? I think I remember you from way back when. Good

luck with disability, I hope it comes through real soon for you.

Take care,

Caitlin

Moderator

reedladonna21 wrote:

I was an active participant in the pain support group before about 3

years ago, but my computer died, so it took me this long to get a new

computer.

---------------------------------

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Cornelia,

I wrote a response to this but I think Yahoo ate it! So I'll try it

again. I apologize if there's a duplicate.

You're basically in a hostage situation with your nada. Put aside the

fact that she's your mother and look at this objectively. If a

stranger came into your home and did what she's doing, you'd press

charges. And you're the children's mother, the one and only parent,

the one they look to for protection, and you're of no help to them

and they are suffering at the hands of this witch and you're doing

nothing to stop it. If you don't take action now, they will be

bitterly angry with you in their teen and young adult years.

Get this woman out of your house. Consult an attorney to see what you

need to do as it can get complicated if your mother has paid rent or

helped you purchase the home. Also, in my state (NY) if someone has

lived in a home or apartment for over a year, they are considered a

legal resident and you have to get a court order of eviction to move

them out. We had to do this with my husband's BPD/narcissistic cousin

and we actually had to have a process server come to our own

apartment to serve him with the papers. It was a living hell. We had

police present the day he moved out. Even then, he kicked our bedroom

door in and threatened us with unspecific violence. The advice of an

attorney is well worth the money.

Talk openly and honestly to your children in terms they can

understand at their age(s). Tell them you are sincerely sorry you

haven't acted on nada before now, and you are sorry for what she has

said and done and you are taking steps to protect them from her. By

the way, there are social agencies you can turn HER in to for hitting

and abusing your kids, so you do have a leg to stand on here. Being

that she's 88 years old, people are far more likely to think she's

got senility and is lying than to believe her tales. If she's

financially stable, she can live on her own. That's not elder abuse.

Above all, help your kids. Do you want them to grow up with worse

issues than what they have already, and have to cope with lifelong

issues like you and we all have, and read every book on the shelf and

see therapists and seek out online help groups like this one to try

to reason out why THEIR mother didn't protect them from her nada?

That thought alone should spur anyone into action.

Like says: BE STRONG.

>

> Hi,

>

> After 59 years, I've had it with my mother. She has been living

with

> me and my kids for over 6 years and her behavior becomes more

> intolerable daily. A little background: I'm single and adopted

> three kids internationally as a single mom. I was a first-time mom

> at 51. I'd always wanted to have kids but I was too afraid I'd be

> the kind of parent my mother was/is. My kids are 7, 9 and 13. The

> 13 year old has been with me for 18 months; she has reactive

> attachment disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. If I had

> known, I wouldn't have adopted her, but she's mine now. If I had

> known the most volatile of personality disorders to place together,

I

> couldn't have done a better job. My mother hates my daughter and

> takes every opportunity to let her know. My mother has always

needed

> a target. When I was a kid (only child) my cousin lived with us

for

> awhile until she ran away to get away from my mother. Then, after

my

> father died and my mother remarried a man with daughter; my

> stepsister is a phenomenal person, given the amount of physical,

> verbal and emotional abuse she endured from age 9 forward. My

mother

> was always " good " to me - not particularly physically or verbally

> abusive except for the times when she perceived I was rebelling and

> then (and to this day) she will say, " I don't know why you hate me

so

> much. I'm going to get a gun, go into the woods and blow my brains

> out. " This, of course, scared me when I was a kid but I came to

> realize that for all her threats there was nothing behind it except

> manipulation.

>

> She has been physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to my 9

> year old as well. My 7 year old is a very adorable, sweet natured,

> easy going kid and is the golden child who can do no wrong and is

> getting brainwashed that her sisters are the devil incarnate. And

> the abuse always occurs when I'm not there. If I walk down the

long

> driveway to the mailbox, she'll smack one or both of the two older

> girls or tell them they're worthless, stupid, ugly.

>

> I need to get her out of my home (yes, it's my home). But each

time

> I've brought it up, my mother says she's going to call CPS and I'll

> never see my children again, that I've stolen all of her money,

that

> I just throw people away, that she'll have me charged with elder

> abuse, etc. And once that happens I have a hard time staying

focused

> and usually say, " I'm not part of this conversation, " and walk away.

>

> Have any of you had to extricate an elderly parent from your home?

> If so, how did you manage it? My mother is 88, has all her

> faculties, is healthy and still drives.

>

> Thank you!

>

> Cornelia

>

[Guest guest]

Please protect the kids. I was extremly close to my good parent, my dad as a

kid, but I haven't spoken to him in 6 months because I realized he

enabled nada and was a passive bystander to my abuse. I will not allow him

back into my life unless he gets help. Please don't put yourself in the

postition to enable your nada or to allow your kids to be hurt. The more you

enable your nada the more you give her the power to stay sick. And your kids

will recognize that fact as they grow older.

Please look at the codependents anonymous website and also read about

stolkholm syndrome (forgive my inablity to spell). When I started my journey

I spent hours on a website counselingresource.com and other websites

What books have you read? I'll be glad to recommend some. Just please

protect those kids! I would like to slap your mother and tell her that she

is ugly. Take it from someone who was told she was ugly, untalented,

helpless, stubborn, spiny, passive, obsessive compulsive, fat, dirty,

slutty, unworthy every day of her childhood. Don't put those beautiful kids

through this.

I wonder if the book/cd set Splitting on bpd central would help you? It's

for divorce but I bet much of it will apply.

Welcome and thanks for joining us, girlscout

>

> Cornelia,

>

> I wrote a response to this but I think Yahoo ate it! So I'll try it

> again. I apologize if there's a duplicate.

>

> You're basically in a hostage situation with your nada. Put aside the

> fact that she's your mother and look at this objectively. If a

> stranger came into your home and did what she's doing, you'd press

> charges. And you're the children's mother, the one and only parent,

> the one they look to for protection, and you're of no help to them

> and they are suffering at the hands of this witch and you're doing

> nothing to stop it. If you don't take action now, they will be

> bitterly angry with you in their teen and young adult years.

>

> Get this woman out of your house. Consult an attorney to see what you

> need to do as it can get complicated if your mother has paid rent or

> helped you purchase the home. Also, in my state (NY) if someone has

> lived in a home or apartment for over a year, they are considered a

> legal resident and you have to get a court order of eviction to move

> them out. We had to do this with my husband's BPD/narcissistic cousin

> and we actually had to have a process server come to our own

> apartment to serve him with the papers. It was a living hell. We had

> police present the day he moved out. Even then, he kicked our bedroom

> door in and threatened us with unspecific violence. The advice of an

> attorney is well worth the money.

>

> Talk openly and honestly to your children in terms they can

> understand at their age(s). Tell them you are sincerely sorry you

> haven't acted on nada before now, and you are sorry for what she has

> said and done and you are taking steps to protect them from her. By

> the way, there are social agencies you can turn HER in to for hitting

> and abusing your kids, so you do have a leg to stand on here. Being

> that she's 88 years old, people are far more likely to think she's

> got senility and is lying than to believe her tales. If she's

> financially stable, she can live on her own. That's not elder abuse.

>

> Above all, help your kids. Do you want them to grow up with worse

> issues than what they have already, and have to cope with lifelong

> issues like you and we all have, and read every book on the shelf and

> see therapists and seek out online help groups like this one to try

> to reason out why THEIR mother didn't protect them from her nada?

> That thought alone should spur anyone into action.

>

> Like says: BE STRONG.

>

>

>

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > After 59 years, I've had it with my mother. She has been living

> with

> > me and my kids for over 6 years and her behavior becomes more

> > intolerable daily. A little background: I'm single and adopted

> > three kids internationally as a single mom. I was a first-time mom

> > at 51. I'd always wanted to have kids but I was too afraid I'd be

> > the kind of parent my mother was/is. My kids are 7, 9 and 13. The

> > 13 year old has been with me for 18 months; she has reactive

> > attachment disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. If I had

> > known, I wouldn't have adopted her, but she's mine now. If I had

> > known the most volatile of personality disorders to place together,

> I

> > couldn't have done a better job. My mother hates my daughter and

> > takes every opportunity to let her know. My mother has always

> needed

> > a target. When I was a kid (only child) my cousin lived with us

> for

> > awhile until she ran away to get away from my mother. Then, after

> my

> > father died and my mother remarried a man with daughter; my

> > stepsister is a phenomenal person, given the amount of physical,

> > verbal and emotional abuse she endured from age 9 forward. My

> mother

> > was always " good " to me - not particularly physically or verbally

> > abusive except for the times when she perceived I was rebelling and

> > then (and to this day) she will say, " I don't know why you hate me

> so

> > much. I'm going to get a gun, go into the woods and blow my brains

> > out. " This, of course, scared me when I was a kid but I came to

> > realize that for all her threats there was nothing behind it except

> > manipulation.

> >

> > She has been physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to my 9

> > year old as well. My 7 year old is a very adorable, sweet natured,

> > easy going kid and is the golden child who can do no wrong and is

> > getting brainwashed that her sisters are the devil incarnate. And

> > the abuse always occurs when I'm not there. If I walk down the

> long

> > driveway to the mailbox, she'll smack one or both of the two older

> > girls or tell them they're worthless, stupid, ugly.

> >

> > I need to get her out of my home (yes, it's my home). But each

> time

> > I've brought it up, my mother says she's going to call CPS and I'll

> > never see my children again, that I've stolen all of her money,

> that

> > I just throw people away, that she'll have me charged with elder

> > abuse, etc. And once that happens I have a hard time staying

> focused

> > and usually say, " I'm not part of this conversation, " and walk away.

> >

> > Have any of you had to extricate an elderly parent from your home?

> > If so, how did you manage it? My mother is 88, has all her

> > faculties, is healthy and still drives.

> >

> > Thank you!

> >

> > Cornelia

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, J, welcome!

>

> Hello all,

>  

> I am new to the list and am eager to meet adult children of BPs.  I

appreciate the fact that a group such as this exists!

>  

> J

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

--- Welcome and know that you have found a wonderful group of caring

people to share with....

Malinda

In WTOAdultChildren1 , Janice

wrote:

>

> Hello all,

>  

> I am new to the list and am eager to meet adult children of BPs.  I

appreciate the fact that a group such as this exists!

>  

> J

>

>

>

>

>