an article I wrote for alda newsletter

[Guest guest]

Going Down? By Henrion

As the year 2000 drew nearer, we were plaqued with horrific

predictions of catastrophe striking as the clock turned to 12:00.

Thousands of people were forced to spend New Years Eve hunkered over

their computer systems in their places of employment. There was even an

article in the St. sburg Times that implied, if you were not asked

to work New Year's Eve, then you are not as important as you might

think. My email inbox was flooded with dire warnings about tainted water

systems, power outages, gas shortages, and frozen bank accounts. I

admittedly chose to ignore those warnings and even the advice to at

least prepare as you would for a hurricane.

The need to see the humor in life's ironies is necessary for a

happy and healthy exixtence. Why else would God have taken away my

ability to hear music yet leave me with the means to recall every word

and tune to " YMCA " by the Village People in my head -- over and over

again. My nonchalant attitude with Y2K was no different. My office was

closed Friday December 31st for the holiday and many people took off

Thursday to make for a long weekend. So with about half the office staff

in " party " mode on December 30th, I decided to take an extra long break.

Coffee be damned, I was going to go outside and get some exercise by

walking around the scenic grounds. At exactly 9:52 a.m. I entered the

elevator to make my disent to the ground floor. I pressed " L " and

happily hummed a tune to myself while thinking about the long weekend

ahead. Three days off and the Millennium holiday to boot, the thought

was sheer bliss.

My blissfulness gave out about the same time the elevator did.

Somewhere between the second and first floor the power went out, thus

leaving me stalled in the elevator. My first thoughts were, " Wait, this

can't be happening, its only December 30th, not Y2K yet! " So there I

was, deaf and alone in a stalled elevator in a nearly empty office

building on the brink of a three day weekend. I chose to remain calm and

put aside visions of spending 8 - 72 hours alone, without food or drink,

in an elevator on the biggest holiday of the century. I rationally

pressed the button labeled " Emergency button. " Not knowing if the button

worked or not (I'm deaf, ya know) I picked up the telephone labeled " for

emergency use only.' (As if anyone would use it to call their mother).

So I speak pleasantly into the phone, " Hello, I am alone in the

elevator. The elevator is stuck. Kindly get it open please. By the way,

I am deaf. I cannot hear you so just get the elevator open. " After no

response panic set in. I yell into the phone, " Get the @!$% & #@ open now!

I am alone and deaf! " After a few moments there is a bump and the doors

open an inch or so -- between floors. I can see the maintenence guy on

the second floor saying something to me. I say and sign at the same time

(again) " I am deaf! " He then slips me a note through the crack that

explains the power is out and he is going to the roof to fix it.

" How comforting, " I think.

I start to eye the ceilng tiles and visualize myself maneuvering

through the crawlspace like Bruce Willis in " Die Hard. " I didn't get a

chance because within a few minutes the power returned and I was wisked

to the ground floor as I originally intended. I emerged to a round of

applause of co-workers who had nothing better to do on this New year's

Eve Eve holiday. For a brief moment I was a star and all eyes were on

me.

I didn't know what to say, so I said, " Of all days, can you believe

it? "