Re: Re: Pennies in a fountain

January 2, 2008

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a downer. I guess I'm just searching for

some " normalcy " out there somewhere.

I think in some aspects they will always have just a little something to do

with my life...only because I know I will spend the rest of my life working

on gaining it back and guarding the boundary lines I have drawn. As far as

the the control...it's not so much that they have the control as much as it

is that they will forever be fighting to get it back...That is the biggest

part of my problem right now. I have accomplished so much and now I have to

further fight to keep ownership of it.

That is kind of where the penny's in a fountain came in. I was wanting to

know what kind of things people wish for to maybe put things into

perspective for me. <sigh> I dunno. I guess maybe I don't fit in anywhere

and that it just how life is going to be for me.

My apologies to anyone else whom I may have made feel sad...this should be a

happy place...a place of refuge...it shouldn't be a place where people dump

their sorrows and make people feel sad. ...I'm genuinely sorry if I've

done that.

> Bunny -- your last two posts made me sad. Sad that your life is still

> under the control of those people.

>

> -Kyla

>

--

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

January 2, 2008

No need to apologize! I feel like this is the place where we come to share our

feelings with kindred spirits--it's a bond as strong as if we'd been taken

hostage together. And we sort of were, with mandatory Stockholm syndrome! As

long as no one judges one another, posting our thoughts and sadnesses and small

triumphs is one of the healthiest steps we can take toward recovery. I often

have crazy wishes too: my current wish is:

**I wish my mother would act out in public so violently and wildly that she'd

get arrested and my step-dad and I could have that on file when/ if we are ever

in the position to forcibly get her treatment (she has refused to see a

psychiatrist for 15 years and occasionally sees a therapist, to whom she only

relays her twisted version of reality and lies by omission).**

That's a depressing penny wish if I ever heard one! Your wishes sound more

personal however and I hope you can work on building your lost self-esteem and

motivation to live a fulfilling, healthy life. Being the child of a BP can

leave you feeling emotionally wrung out, empty, identity-less (due to incessant

emeshment) and depressed. After a particularly chaotic week with my nada, it

always seems so strange to me that people care about which detergent to use or

how often to get their tires rotated. The drama of our roller coaster family

relationships and the toll it takes on our well-being can make it very hard to

want to get out of bed (or even wake up) in the morning. Everyday life seems

bizarre and just coping with basic life priorities can take an inordinate amount

of energy...

Good luck!! Are you seeing a good therapist?

Angel Dranbauer wrote:

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a downer. I guess I'm just searching

for