Re: How do they know the EXACT wrong thing to say at the EXACT wrong time?

[Guest guest]

Dear Bunny,

I am so sorry! What an ordeal!

I take it that you live with your NADA and FADA?? since they were

there in the house at 4am arguing and yelling.

It sounds like you are struggling. you're parents are acting crazy,

and your husband just hides upstairs while it all happens??

Are you able to live away from your parents?

Next time they start dumping all that terrible stuff onto you, you

need to just get up, and leave. dont stand for it. they aren't even

in their right mind.

think of it as if a 3 year old called you names or something. would

the 3 year old hurt your feelings? or would you let it go because it

was coming from a toddler and you had to consider the source?

i have seen it many times on this board that a BPD has the emotional

maturity of a small child. we need to treat them like small

children. our BPD parents are not these wise, all knowing, smart

individuals that we were raised to believe. They are frightened,

deranged, immature, selfish people that have no consideration of

anyone else or their feelings. we need to see our parents that way

and treat them that way.

it is hard to detatch from them and live your own life the way you

want to live it. you DESERVE peace and quiet without being woken at

4am from yelling. you DESERVE to feel loved, respected, and happy.

you do NOT DESERVE being yelled at, cut down, and treated like crap.

NO ONE deserves that from their parents.

If there is anything you can do to tear yourself away from this for

the sake of your own sanity you should consider it. And i hope that

your husband is normally more supportive of you than he was last

night. sorry, i don't mean to sound harsh by saying that, but i just

hope that he can be there for you emotionally since this is a rough

time for you.

good luck,

SARA JO

>

> This is going to be a long venting post...I'll warn you in advance

but

> somehow, again, I have found myself at my wits end. Yesterday

started off

> just the worst ever. We all have those days...when you wake up

wrong or

> late or rushed and the entire day ends up shot. Just one of those

days that

> while you are pouring your morning cup of coffee of tea you kind

of think to

> yourself....I really should be pouring myself one gigantic

margarita right

> now.

>

> Let me start off by acknowledging that I have begun to allow myself

> (finally) to be proud of the accomplishments I have made in life.

I have

> begun to set boundaries which have been extremely successful and I

have even

> found ways of going LC with the crazy mess that society has deemed

as my

> parents and I really think I am on the brink of possibly finding a

way of

> going NC on a permanent basis.

>

> Yesterday was just particularly hard for me for some reason...I

was being

> extremely emotional and irritable and have been working on yet

another

> anti-anxiety medication. I woke up to screaming...it was my nada,

fada and

> extremely drunk brother and they were at the bottom of my stairs

screaming.

> Why didn't I just pick up the phone and dial 911? I dunno...in

hindsight I

> wish I had. It was 4am and I was startled and just didn't

think...I went

> into peacemaker roll without a second thought. (Damn! Back to the

drawing

> board...I had avoided being hoovered for almost an entire year

too!) Too

> many things were said to include in this particular post, but

basically I

> ended up sitting at my kitchen table, sobbing as both nada and

fada verbally

> attacked me. (You are a terrible person, you are an embarrassment,

you are a

> terrible mother...blah, blah, blah)....they just hurled these

horrible

> remarks at me for hours. Yes, I know they are just belligerent

idiots but a

> person can only take a verbal lashing for so long before they

snap. I

> finally just ran out of the room and locked myself in the

bathroom. Imagine

> the site...here I am...a 38 year old woman, curled up in the

corner of the

> bathroom with my fingers in my ears, crying and

yelling " lalalalalalalalala "

> to drown out their voices. When they finally left (with no thanks

to my

> husband who went upstairs and hid for those few hours) I just sat

sobbing

> and sobbing. With that, I looked up and there stood nada....she

reached out

> to hug me and said " I don't want you to worry...when everyone

finds out

> about what you did this morning we will just blame it on your

genes (I'm

> adopted---thank GOD). I just kept screaming " get out!! get out!!

get

> out!! " Which she finally did. What the heck??? First of

all...when

> everyone finds out what I did? what did I do? I was asleep at

4am and they

> came and started crap with me!! Secondly, who is everyone? Why

would anyone

> KNOW about this ordeal. (I mean...I know the answer to that

one...everyone

> here knows she is the " town cryer " .) Lastly...what exactly are

you blaming

> on my genes? I was reacting to THEIR insanity!!!

>

> This whole adoption thing is something I really need to get into

more in

> therapy. All I kept saying over and over again was " why, why, why

did they

> pick me? " ...All of the babies there...the picked me out like a

puppy through

> a window and plucked me out of there. What made these two people

who are

> incapable of loving a single thing in this entire world go out of

their way

> to pluck me out of a nursery? Why couldn't they have just left me

alone?

> All I heard all my life was that they really wanted a boy...so why

didn't

> they pick a boy? Why me? Their only answer was because I looked

so

> pathetic....pathetic...that has been the choice adjective for them

since the

> moment they laid eyes on me...pathetic.

>

> I hate them. I mean that genuinely. I hate them. It is by God's

grace that

> I am not a vicious soul. Because of all of the things that they

made me

> believe (which I know now are not remotely true) I was robbed of

not just a

> childhood...I was robbed of love. Because of all the things they

made me

> believe, when I said my prayers at night I would beg God to just

not allow

> me to wake up in the morning. I just wanted to go to sleep and

not wake

> up. It's a morbid thought, but I can remember the exact moment in

time when

> I uttered the phrase " if I should die before I wake, i pray the

lord, my

> soul he will take " ...a big old light bulb went off in my head and

I said to

> myself " wait, wait...is that an option?...i mean, she makes such a

big fuss

> over me saying that prayer...there must be some sort of pretty

good odds

> that it could happen! "

>

> --

> Kisses and Nibbles,

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Awww So sorry Bunny,

I dont know your living situation but do they live with you? Just

wondering how they got into your home. They sound so unhealthy. They

are literally triggering you to regress and your inner child takes

over your emotions when they do that to you. May I suggest as soon as

something like that starts again that you get up and leave. Go out of

the house, go to the store ,if middle of night find a Dennys if you

have to. Or just drive and park somewhere out of the firing range. By

doing that you are protecting your inner child. If it was your real

child lets say age 7 and she was sitting there listening to that would

you just allow her to sit there? Would you allow those people to

verbally abuse her in that way? Part of it is learning to be your own

parent and stand up for your inner child as you see she is very real

inside you. She was the one sobbing in the bathroom. Maybe make a plan

of what to do if/when it happens again like leaving. Dont let it go so

far as to have you sobbing its not fair to you. Your adult self has to

kick in and say enough your not going to put up with this anymore.

If they dont live with you they would not be allowed in my home if

they continued to be verbally abusive. And definitely if they wont

leave you can call the police to escort them out the door. So think of

what you would do to protect a 7 year old or younger child in that

situation and apply it in the future. Its very empowering once you can

take a stand like that and get control back of your own life and own

person.

Remember your a wonderful person they act like that then they dont

deserve to be in your life.

Hugs

>

> This is going to be a long venting post...I'll warn you in advance but

> somehow, again, I have found myself at my wits end. Yesterday

started off

> just the worst ever. We all have those days...when you wake up wrong or

> late or rushed and the entire day ends up shot. Just one of those

days that

> while you are pouring your morning cup of coffee of tea you kind of

think to

> yourself....I really should be pouring myself one gigantic margarita

right

> now.

>

> Let me start off by acknowledging that I have begun to allow myself

> (finally) to be proud of the accomplishments I have made in life. I

have

> begun to set boundaries which have been extremely successful and I

have even

> found ways of going LC with the crazy mess that society has deemed as my

> parents and I really think I am on the brink of possibly finding a

way of

> going NC on a permanent basis.

>

> Yesterday was just particularly hard for me for some reason...I was

being

> extremely emotional and irritable and have been working on yet another

> anti-anxiety medication. I woke up to screaming...it was my nada,

fada and

> extremely drunk brother and they were at the bottom of my stairs

screaming.

> Why didn't I just pick up the phone and dial 911? I dunno...in

hindsight I

> wish I had. It was 4am and I was startled and just didn't think...I

went

> into peacemaker roll without a second thought. (Damn! Back to the

drawing

> board...I had avoided being hoovered for almost an entire year too!) Too

> many things were said to include in this particular post, but

basically I

> ended up sitting at my kitchen table, sobbing as both nada and fada

verbally

> attacked me. (You are a terrible person, you are an embarrassment,

you are a

> terrible mother...blah, blah, blah)....they just hurled these horrible

> remarks at me for hours. Yes, I know they are just belligerent

idiots but a

> person can only take a verbal lashing for so long before they snap. I

> finally just ran out of the room and locked myself in the bathroom.

Imagine

> the site...here I am...a 38 year old woman, curled up in the corner

of the

> bathroom with my fingers in my ears, crying and yelling

" lalalalalalalalala "

> to drown out their voices. When they finally left (with no thanks to my

> husband who went upstairs and hid for those few hours) I just sat

sobbing

> and sobbing. With that, I looked up and there stood nada....she

reached out

> to hug me and said " I don't want you to worry...when everyone finds out

> about what you did this morning we will just blame it on your genes (I'm

> adopted---thank GOD). I just kept screaming " get out!! get out!! get

> out!! " Which she finally did. What the heck??? First of all...when

> everyone finds out what I did? what did I do? I was asleep at 4am

and they

> came and started crap with me!! Secondly, who is everyone? Why

would anyone

> KNOW about this ordeal. (I mean...I know the answer to that

one...everyone

> here knows she is the " town cryer " .) Lastly...what exactly are you

blaming

> on my genes? I was reacting to THEIR insanity!!!

>

> This whole adoption thing is something I really need to get into more in

> therapy. All I kept saying over and over again was " why, why, why

did they

> pick me? " ...All of the babies there...the picked me out like a puppy

through

> a window and plucked me out of there. What made these two people

who are

> incapable of loving a single thing in this entire world go out of

their way

> to pluck me out of a nursery? Why couldn't they have just left me

alone?

> All I heard all my life was that they really wanted a boy...so why

didn't

> they pick a boy? Why me? Their only answer was because I looked so

> pathetic....pathetic...that has been the choice adjective for them

since the

> moment they laid eyes on me...pathetic.

>

> I hate them. I mean that genuinely. I hate them. It is by God's

grace that

> I am not a vicious soul. Because of all of the things that they made me

> believe (which I know now are not remotely true) I was robbed of not

just a

> childhood...I was robbed of love. Because of all the things they

made me

> believe, when I said my prayers at night I would beg God to just not

allow

> me to wake up in the morning. I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake

> up. It's a morbid thought, but I can remember the exact moment in

time when

> I uttered the phrase " if I should die before I wake, i pray the lord, my

> soul he will take " ...a big old light bulb went off in my head and I

said to

> myself " wait, wait...is that an option?...i mean, she makes such a

big fuss

> over me saying that prayer...there must be some sort of pretty good odds

> that it could happen! "

>

> --

> Kisses and Nibbles,

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Angel,

I pray that they are just visiting or you are just visiting them! Jeeesh!

I met and married my husband before my nada could even meet him. We met in the

army

stationed in Germany and eloped to Denmark. I always have said it was the

smartest thing I

ever did! LOL. If your husband is anything like mine, he just does not

understand this sick

dynamic and does not really know WHAT to do. If you need him to protect you

from your

parents then ask him to. You might be amazed. Most guys feel very

uncomfortable getting

into the middle of this stuff. You can even help him with what he should say to

your parents

and brother. Practicing these kinds of things when there is no volatile

situation going on

helps for when the sh!t hits the fan.

Carla