Re: insecurities and fear- raising you to be independent

[Guest guest]

Wow! What a horrible, horrible image!! The hair on the back of my neck

rose as I read that.

I don't think I've read anything on this board that more perfectly

captures the cold lack of empathy from people with this disorder.

I wish I could somehow fly back in time, smack that marker out of her

hand, and give you and your brother a hug. I hope that you too are

close and can comfort each other now.

Letty

> >

> > Last night my 3 year old got up scared because he heard the

> > fireworks all around our house. My husband and I put him back in

> bed

> > and my husband looked right into my 3 year old's eyes and

> said, " No

> > matter what I will never let anything happen to you. I will

> protect

> > you! " He said it in a way that was extremely moving. My 3 year old

> > nodded his head and said okay. When I thought of this experience

> > this morning I couldn't recall my father ever saying anything I

> like

> > this to me. He was gone a lot. In fact I can't remember my father

> > ever tucking me into bed. I remember once when I was scared to go

> to

> > sleep because I didn't tell my mother I got in trouble at school

> > (first grade). My conscience was so thick I had to get up, walk

> down

> > the hall into the living room where she was laying on the couch. I

> > was crying and she asked me what was wrong. I told her I got in

> > trouble at school for talking and I couldn't go to sleep because I

> > didn't tell her earlier that day. My mother laughed at me. I

> > remember being very confused about her response. Here I was a

> scared

> > little 6 year old girl fretting over not being able to go to sleep

> > because I didn't fully confess everything to her about my day at

> > school and when I finally had the courage to do it she laughed at

> me

> > and basically told me how I was a little too sensitive. I cannot

> > remember her hugging me, telling me it was alright (at least in a

> > way I believed). I do remember walking down the long hall crying

> by

> > myself and putting myself back into bed. She braggs about how she

> > raised her daughters to be independent. I guess when a 6 year old

> > cries herself back to sleep because her mother failed to help her

> in

> > her distress this creates independence in her eyes. Has anyone had

> a

> > similar experience or memory?

> >

> > Kelley

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My stomach still gets the creepy-crawlies when I think about it.

And it makes me more uneasy knowing that if I reminded her of it,

she would deny it ever happened or insist that he was being

unreasonable. I mean, the woman thinks she can justify anything.

> > >

> > > Last night my 3 year old got up scared because he heard the

> > > fireworks all around our house. My husband and I put him back

in

> > bed

> > > and my husband looked right into my 3 year old's eyes and

> > said, " No

> > > matter what I will never let anything happen to you. I will

> > protect

> > > you! " He said it in a way that was extremely moving. My 3 year

old

> > > nodded his head and said okay. When I thought of this

experience

> > > this morning I couldn't recall my father ever saying anything

I

> > like

> > > this to me. He was gone a lot. In fact I can't remember my

father

> > > ever tucking me into bed. I remember once when I was scared to

go

> > to

> > > sleep because I didn't tell my mother I got in trouble at

school

> > > (first grade). My conscience was so thick I had to get up,

walk

> > down

> > > the hall into the living room where she was laying on the

couch. I

> > > was crying and she asked me what was wrong. I told her I got

in

> > > trouble at school for talking and I couldn't go to sleep

because I

> > > didn't tell her earlier that day. My mother laughed at me. I

> > > remember being very confused about her response. Here I was a

> > scared

> > > little 6 year old girl fretting over not being able to go to

sleep

> > > because I didn't fully confess everything to her about my day

at

> > > school and when I finally had the courage to do it she laughed

at

> > me

> > > and basically told me how I was a little too sensitive. I

cannot

> > > remember her hugging me, telling me it was alright (at least

in a

> > > way I believed). I do remember walking down the long hall

crying

> > by

> > > myself and putting myself back into bed. She braggs about how

she

> > > raised her daughters to be independent. I guess when a 6 year

old

> > > cries herself back to sleep because her mother failed to help

her

> > in

> > > her distress this creates independence in her eyes. Has anyone

had

> > a

> > > similar experience or memory?

> > >

> > > Kelley

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, the BPD power of denial is formidable! My mom, who lost her

teaching job for shoving a little girl's head into a concrete wall

claimed that it was actually MY fault " since the little girl reminded

her " of me.

Then she waited for me to apologize for having cost her her job. When

I pointed out that it was, um, actually her fault since I was oh, 3000

miles away at the time and moreover had done whatsoever to deserve

such hatred from her, she burst into tears at my " cruelty "

Letty

> > > >

> > > > Last night my 3 year old got up scared because he heard the

> > > > fireworks all around our house. My husband and I put him back

> in

> > > bed

> > > > and my husband looked right into my 3 year old's eyes and

> > > said, " No

> > > > matter what I will never let anything happen to you. I will

> > > protect

> > > > you! " He said it in a way that was extremely moving. My 3 year

> old

> > > > nodded his head and said okay. When I thought of this

> experience

> > > > this morning I couldn't recall my father ever saying anything

> I

> > > like

> > > > this to me. He was gone a lot. In fact I can't remember my

> father

> > > > ever tucking me into bed. I remember once when I was scared to

> go

> > > to

> > > > sleep because I didn't tell my mother I got in trouble at

> school

> > > > (first grade). My conscience was so thick I had to get up,

> walk

> > > down

> > > > the hall into the living room where she was laying on the

> couch. I

> > > > was crying and she asked me what was wrong. I told her I got

> in

> > > > trouble at school for talking and I couldn't go to sleep

> because I

> > > > didn't tell her earlier that day. My mother laughed at me. I

> > > > remember being very confused about her response. Here I was a

> > > scared

> > > > little 6 year old girl fretting over not being able to go to

> sleep

> > > > because I didn't fully confess everything to her about my day

> at

> > > > school and when I finally had the courage to do it she laughed

> at

> > > me

> > > > and basically told me how I was a little too sensitive. I

> cannot

> > > > remember her hugging me, telling me it was alright (at least

> in a

> > > > way I believed). I do remember walking down the long hall

> crying

> > > by

> > > > myself and putting myself back into bed. She braggs about how

> she

> > > > raised her daughters to be independent. I guess when a 6 year

> old

> > > > cries herself back to sleep because her mother failed to help

> her

> > > in

> > > > her distress this creates independence in her eyes. Has anyone

> had

> > > a

> > > > similar experience or memory?

> > > >

> > > > Kelley

> > > >

> > >

> >

>