Re: Accepting & Dealing with the pain/Pamela and others

[Guest guest]

--- Pamela Mann wrote:

>

> I always thought I would lurk and not reply to posts knowing that a

lot of people are worse off than I am, however, this particular

thread is something I'm dealing with also.

>but because I'm also overweight I usually get the comments

about " how fat I am and I wouldn't have these problems if I lost

weight " or, " get up an walk, it's better for you " . I assure you, if I

could walk, I would!

Hi Pamela -

I'm glad you wrote - I hope you chime in more often now that you've

broken the ice!

I wanted to tell you though, that there's no way to " win " with this

issue. People leap to conclusions and judgments based on your looks

no matter what you look like. Where you get prejudice because you're

overweight, I get it for the opposite reason! I'm a very young-

looking 44, quite slim these days (due to severe gastrointestinal

problems - also invisible - I get sick of people telling me

how " lucky " I am that I've lost so much weight recently, when I'd

have given anything not to be throwing up 24 hours a day for the last

14 months!), and I'm really very athletic-looking, having been an

athlete most of my life " BP " ( " before pain " ). I work very very hard

to stay on my feet and put off that inevitable wheelchair as long as

possible, so they always see me walking. I also work hard to be able

to walk without a cane because of additional neuropathic damage in my

arms that the cane aggravates. But as a result of my " healthy " look

and slim build, I too am told there's no possible way I could qualify

as handicapped! So, when it comes to appearances, you're damned if

you do, and damned if you don't.

For those who have asked " how do you deal? " I have gotten a lot of

inspiration from reading books on dealing with " invisible

disabiliy. " There are a LOT of them out there, and some are very

very good. Just look on amazon.com for " invisible disability " and

you'll get a big list, and you can check out the reviews. Then just

go to your local public library and if they don't have the ones you

want, ask them to get them via interlibrary loan. That way it's

free!

From them I've learned my mantra: " Pain may be inevitable, but

suffering is not. " I choose not to suffer (at least I try to and am

managing to succeed more often every day!) and that changes

everything about how I approach my pain and disability.

Cheryl in AZ

Moderator