Lonely thoughts

[Guest guest]

You know someone can be in a crowd and be alone. You can be in a marriage for

years and still be lonely. A person can be in a loving family and still be

lonely. A person must be happy with themselves first and then reach out to

others. It is very likely that everyone in the entire world is lonely at one

time or another.

I personally believe the difference in those of us with chronic pain and

others is that we see the world through different eyes than others in that we

see it through eyes of someone who wants anyone to reach and say I understand, I

know how you feel and I desire to take away part of your pain and make you feel

" normal " for just a few minutes. Of course no one can do that, we know that but

still in our heart we are always on the search for that special someone who can

make us forget just for even a second that we hurt that we yearn to be like we

used to be or desire to be in the future. Just like everyone else in the entire

world we want what we cannot have, in that way we are very normal!

Have I conquered this lonely thing? Some days I am better at it than others.

True I am married, have been for 35 years to the same man. I have three adult

kids whom anyone would be very proud of. (Though that has not always been the

case lest you think my life is perfect!) I am very active in my church. I pour

my life into others, that is the true key.

You see by concentrating on others you have less time to think of yourself. If

you cannot leave your house, that is no excuse. There are literally tons of

things you can do at home to get you in contact with others. I know of a man who

sorts bread wrappers into brands for a lady who makes rugs out of plastic bags.

You must look for things that is true. I know of another lady who watches three

kids after school so they have somewhere to go while the single mom works. They

are at her house for only 1 and 1/2 hours a day but it really breaks up her day,

and they open things she cannot open like jars and boxes. They even help her

clean the bathroom which she cannot do!

Loneliness is still going to be there. There still is no one to listen when

you cry at night due to pain. Even if people are there they cannot understand

your pain. This is because pain is yours alone no one else understands the other

persons pain and we should expect them to . There is no one to listen to your

heart when it cries silently because you long to be able to run away the stress

and you cannot even walk to the end of the block. Loneliness haunts you when

you want to just get in the car and pick up a Starbucks and you cannot even

afford to buy a cup of coffee at Mcs because you no longer can work. The

commercials on TV are hard when everyone is smiling and you foget that they are

paid to look happy and you forget that after the commerical they might be taking

some kind of drugs just to get through what they think is a rough life! You

have to take what others call dope too but to you it is your life blood just to

smile when others see you. Loneliness is

looking in the medicine cabinet and knowing that it is either paying for the

next months meds or buying a gallon of milk for your kids, and the gas to keep

warm with. Lonliness is wanting to scream at the top of your lungs I hurt and I

cannot take it anymore but instead you smile and say I am fine and how are you?

So first find someone who wants a good frined. You must find them in the right

places. Do not look where everyone is trying to drown their sorrows. Find them

in places where people go to do something for themselves. Then you have to find

our about each other, things like personality, background, beliefs,

trustworthiness, things like that. This takes quite a bit of time. Over the

course of time a friendship will bond. Never forget that there is a lot of time

in making a friend. There is laughter, tears, encouragement, grief,

misunderstandings, and forgiveness, Soon though you have a friend and from this

could form a lifetime friend. All it takes is for you to be the one to reach out

and take the chance to make a friend. To have a friend you must be a friend.

This thing called friendship is not about you it is about the other person.

Then once the friendship is formed it can be about you. If you do not want to

be a friend then do not waste the other persons time and

heart in just tyring to gain a friend so you have a dumping ground, that is not

fair to the other person.

I am sorry this is so long. I have been reading the posts and just wanted to

share my heart. I have been where all of you and still am there. Others who know

me will testify that my life is not easy street, in fact I hurt 24 hours a day

and my family will tell you that some days the tears are on the surface all day

and night. Many many others are much worse off them me. All I must do is look

around to find someone. I do know that after 15 years of pain I absolutely must

pour my life into others so that when I am gone at my funeral they cannot say

she lived a life of pain, but that she lived her life loving others while in

pain. Gwen