Guest guest Posted May 9, 2006 Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 Hi Kim, I've just had a dialogue with via email because I was really struggling the past couple of days. I originally contacted her privately because I didn't know if it was OK to post here, but she said yes, it's best to share the experience with others who have been through it. I was talking about suicide again, and saying that I couldn't stand to be in my own skin. The pain inside was dreadful. I was trying to pin it on whatever I could: PMS, no sunshine, ionizer broken . . . in essence, I was saying all the same things I said when I first came here. is wonderful. She was very understanding and also asked me to look at what's happening in my life. She said I sound very bored, LOL. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn't suit me, sadly; I love being with my little girl, but being " alone " with her much of the time with nothing else to do is rather soul-destroying. My plan is to work part time when she goes to full time school. Before then, maybe it would be an idea to see a counsellor and get some ideas for what I can do in the meantime. This afternoon I went to my gym, can't exercise, but I put in the nursery while I sat in the sun outside and relaxed. I was even able to listen to some favourite music on my mini iPod. (Led Zeppelin, Queen, Rush, Tom Waits, LOL, believe it or not it really was relaxing.) This happened last week when I did the same -- I caught a glimpse of " me " under there somewhere. I remembered what it is like to live, to be. And I thought of just this morning, the utter desperation, the hopelessness, the pain, and I thought, " what was all that about. " The ups and downs are truly amazing. I feel like a puppet on a string. But I will gradually gain control. I wanted to say that I do remember what you told me about not seeing my state of being as " The Depression, " or SAD, or anything other than just feeling a certain way. I think was trying to tell me this too. It's hard to take heed of this when your brain is screaming but I've been thinking about it a lot this afternoon and it's such a good way to frame things. Now, instead of wondering where the depression ends and the withdrawal begins; instead of obsessing about catching the light every time the sun comes out; I will tell myself to get on with things and stay steady. I took another step today by ordering some magnesium citrate, as I've only got oxide at the moment. I'm a bit embarrassed about being so crazy lately, but like said, people here understand, they've been there. I hope I can hold onto everything I've said here, the next time I get a bit crazy. Thanks again for listening, . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 9, 2006 Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 Dear , I understand exactly what you are saying, all too well... Hang in there, girl! Things will get brighter, and it sounds like you are taking positive steps. Thank goodness for , and her good thoughts in helping you sort things out. I can relate to every word you are saying, and I'm sure lots of people here can! And it DOES get better! Blessings, Sally > [Original Message] > > To: <Withdrawal_and_Recovery > > Date: 5/9/2006 1:03:32 PM > Subject: To Kim > > Hi Kim, > > I've just had a dialogue with via email because I was > really struggling the past couple of days. I originally contacted > her privately because I didn't know if it was OK to post here, but > she said yes, it's best to share the experience with others who have > been through it. > > I was talking about suicide again, and saying that I couldn't stand > to be in my own skin. The pain inside was dreadful. I was trying to > pin it on whatever I could: PMS, no sunshine, ionizer broken . . . > in essence, I was saying all the same things I said when I first > came here. > > is wonderful. She was very understanding and also asked me > to look at what's happening in my life. She said I sound very bored, > LOL. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn't suit me, sadly; I love being > with my little girl, but being " alone " with her much of the time > with nothing else to do is rather soul-destroying. My plan is to > work part time when she goes to full time school. Before then, maybe > it would be an idea to see a counsellor and get some ideas for what > I can do in the meantime. > > This afternoon I went to my gym, can't exercise, but I put in > the nursery while I sat in the sun outside and relaxed. I was even > able to listen to some favourite music on my mini iPod. (Led > Zeppelin, Queen, Rush, Tom Waits, LOL, believe it or not it really > was relaxing.) This happened last week when I did the same -- I > caught a glimpse of " me " under there somewhere. I remembered what it > is like to live, to be. And I thought of just this morning, the > utter desperation, the hopelessness, the pain, and I thought, " what > was all that about. " > > The ups and downs are truly amazing. I feel like a puppet on a > string. But I will gradually gain control. > > I wanted to say that I do remember what you told me about not seeing > my state of being as " The Depression, " or SAD, or anything other > than just feeling a certain way. I think was trying to > tell me this too. It's hard to take heed of this when your brain is > screaming but I've been thinking about it a lot this afternoon and > it's such a good way to frame things. > > Now, instead of wondering where the depression ends and the > withdrawal begins; instead of obsessing about catching the light > every time the sun comes out; I will tell myself to get on with > things and stay steady. I took another step today by ordering some > magnesium citrate, as I've only got oxide at the moment. > > I'm a bit embarrassed about being so crazy lately, but like > said, people here understand, they've been there. I hope I > can hold onto everything I've said here, the next time I get a bit > crazy. > > Thanks again for listening, > . > > > > > > > > > > To subscribe to our off-topic Social list go to: > > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/socialWandR/ > > To subscribe to our Truth-in-Health list go to: > > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/truth-in-health > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 9, 2006 Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 Hi , I just wanted to let you know we've all been where you were today. When you come off the drugs strong emotions begin to surface and they can sometimes feel quite overwhelming. While it doesn't always feel so at first, this is actually a very positive thing because we are re-connecting with ourselves -- the drugs have often separated us from our feelings. It seems to me that you've made a very significant, positive step. Instead of trying to push your feelings back down with some sort of external fix, you were strong and faced them bravely. And now you are thinking about things you can do in the future that will improve your situation. That is such an important part of healing. And the more you do it, the more it will just become a natural part of you. Best to you, > > Hi Kim, > > I've just had a dialogue with via email because I was > really struggling the past couple of days. I originally contacted > her privately because I didn't know if it was OK to post here, but > she said yes, it's best to share the experience with others who have > been through it. > > I was talking about suicide again, and saying that I couldn't stand > to be in my own skin. The pain inside was dreadful. I was trying to > pin it on whatever I could: PMS, no sunshine, ionizer broken . . . > in essence, I was saying all the same things I said when I first > came here. > > is wonderful. She was very understanding and also asked me > to look at what's happening in my life. She said I sound very bored, > LOL. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn't suit me, sadly; I love being > with my little girl, but being " alone " with her much of the time > with nothing else to do is rather soul-destroying. My plan is to > work part time when she goes to full time school. Before then, maybe > it would be an idea to see a counsellor and get some ideas for what > I can do in the meantime. > > This afternoon I went to my gym, can't exercise, but I put in > the nursery while I sat in the sun outside and relaxed. I was even > able to listen to some favourite music on my mini iPod. (Led > Zeppelin, Queen, Rush, Tom Waits, LOL, believe it or not it really > was relaxing.) This happened last week when I did the same -- I > caught a glimpse of " me " under there somewhere. I remembered what it > is like to live, to be. And I thought of just this morning, the > utter desperation, the hopelessness, the pain, and I thought, " what > was all that about. " > > The ups and downs are truly amazing. I feel like a puppet on a > string. But I will gradually gain control. > > I wanted to say that I do remember what you told me about not seeing > my state of being as " The Depression, " or SAD, or anything other > than just feeling a certain way. I think was trying to > tell me this too. It's hard to take heed of this when your brain is > screaming but I've been thinking about it a lot this afternoon and > it's such a good way to frame things. > > Now, instead of wondering where the depression ends and the > withdrawal begins; instead of obsessing about catching the light > every time the sun comes out; I will tell myself to get on with > things and stay steady. I took another step today by ordering some > magnesium citrate, as I've only got oxide at the moment. > > I'm a bit embarrassed about being so crazy lately, but like > said, people here understand, they've been there. I hope I > can hold onto everything I've said here, the next time I get a bit > crazy. > > Thanks again for listening, > . > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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