A New Year's Issue

[Guest guest]

I have been on the Kids_of_BPD board for some time now and have just

joined the WTOAdultChildren1 message board for adult children of

BPD. Reading the posts from others, as well as clarification of some

of my own issues, on the Kids of BPD board have been invaluable to me

and I believe that from the Adult Children board I will also find

some strength and inspiration. I think that since there is some

cross over with these two message boards as far as topic is

concerned, I will post this on both boards. If you too happen to be

a member of both boards too, I apologize for the duplication.

A new problem has arisen for me for the new year. Hurrah!

I am 39 years old, 12 years and 2000 miles distant from my BPD

mother. I'm an escapee. Escapee or not, I still have problems which

I deal with daily as a result of what I can only describe as a

Hellish upbringing (if you could really call that an upbringing). I

married at 17 to get out of my mother's house and landed myself right

in bed with a narcissist for a 13-year sentence. Out of the frying

pan and into the fire. I have two daughters from my first marriage,

ages 19 and 20. Thankfully, they are both doing very well. Needless

to say, it took me until I was 30 years old to get out of a cycle I

didn't recognize being in and to realize that everything wasn't all

my fault or responsibility.

I was in and out of therapy and on and off medication, primarily to

treat severe depression, for several years. A revolving door. I

never seemed to get a doctor who for one, understood me, or two, they

thought that my core problems with my mother, in particular, were

exaggerated. I actually had one psychiatrist tell me that Borderline

Personality Disorder was a myth. I really should have stuck my Nada

on him. He'd of been a true believer then. He'd write me a

prescription and out the door I'd go. Medication does help the

depression and the social anxiety, but does not address the

underlying issues. I've always known this.

Finally, this past year I found a very good psychiatrist to work on

issues of depression, PTSD, social phobias and agoraphobia without

medicating me (unless a true need arises). I think I've been doing

very well, but the holidays are always stressful and a hard time for

me. I tend to sink pretty low this time of year. New Years Eve

seemed to be my lowest point this year. I was in a pretty good funk –

still am. This too shall pass. I'll be ok.

In response to my New Years Eve funk, my (second) husband has raised

some issues. He's generally an easy-going guy and occasionally I

bend his ear about what I'm feeling and thinking, but since I have

been seeing my current psychiatrist, he's growing impatient. He

doesn't understand that the problems I have can all co-exist or that

there can be root causes to them. He thinks you have one problem or

the other and that problems such as these should be easily fixed

simply by not thinking about it or focusing in on something else. He

believes that because I no longer have a relationship with my mother,

the problem is eliminated and I should stop dwelling on the past.

The solutions should be as simple and quick as that. Additionally,

because of his specialty, I see a doctor who is in private practice

and not a PPO with or a referral from my insurance company. I pay

for my visits out of my own pocket. My husband thinks that the

doctor will prod me along to get more money. Rip me off. I don't

agree. We're talking less than a year of therapy for problems that

have been largely ignored by entire life. We're not poor, I could

spend my money on worse things and I believe it's worth the cost.

At this time, I feel largely unsuccessful at making my husband

understand what I feel and why I believe I should continue with my

therapy. Any suggestions on how to explain the kind of torture a

Nada can reap upon a child and how it's a lifelong battle to not

succumb to the trappings? He simply doesn't get it.

Thanks!