need your advice on breaking my NC

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Hello everyone.

I have been NC with NADA since November 15th. When i stopped talking

to her, I didn't plan on being NC forever. But when I went NC i

didn't give her any reasons for doing so. she hung up the phone on me

one day, and i haven't called her since. and she would rather die

than " make the first move " and call me.

Eventually in the near future i would like to talk to her again. But

seeing as there will be no " reasoning " with her, i don't know how to

do it. I thought about writing a letter telling her how I feel about

everything...ive never told her about how i felt about her as a mom

or anything like what i talk about on the boards here.

ive written my mother several letters over the years, mostly when i

was younger and still living at home as a child. i would write her

letters of remore and apology for being such a bad kid, and how sorry

i was for doing wrong. she loved those letters, and saved all of

them. if i write this letter and send it to her, before she opens it

she will expect it to be another apology letter like she used to get

from me. but it wont be, and i don't know how she will react to it.

i don't know where to go from here. i plan on talking to my therapist

about this before i take action. but i don't know how to word

anything if i decide to write it.

have any of you wrote similar letters to your NADA's or FADA's? Can

you give me examples of what you wrote and how you wrote it?

Should I just leave things the way they are and not worry about

telling her anything?

Any advice is appreciated. You all help me so much....and this board

has been the biggest help for me getting through all this with my

mom. Thank you so much.