Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Hey Kyla - Yes, it was supposed to be this big PUNISHMENT for me, after a year and a half of sending me hate mail! He was like a kid stomping off the playground " fine, I'll just take my ball and go home! " And of course, at that point the best I could possibly hope for was that he'd just leave me alone! By the way, I've been off the boards for a while and I'm glad to see you're still here and going strong... Letty > > Letty -- I can relate! > > It's almost humorous how my dad, when he sent a very mean, insulting > e-mail because he was pissed we didn't make plans with them > Thanksgiving. He wrote about three paragraphs of insults, then ends > it with " Don't bother to respond. I'll just delete it. " > > Okey Dokey! Have it your way, Dad! > > I was FREE! I " couldn't " respond -- and that meant I didn't have to > make Christmas plans with them either!!! I think my dad realized > that he'd stepped in it bigtime, but by the time he " apologized " for > what he wrote, it was too late. We were already leaving town with > Christmas plans of our own. > > Maybe he thought I'd be so hurt and upset -- and don't forget SHAMED > by my terrible ways -- that I would ignore his command not to > respond, and call him crying, blah, blah, blah.....But I took him at > his word and went about my day. Oh, and shared the letter with my > brother, aunt, two uncles, my friends and this board!!! > > It's almost funny how they think they're REALLY BURNING us by > telling us they'll never speak to us again. It's almost like we > have to zip our lip from crying out " THANK YOU!!! " > > Makes me laugh..... > > -Kyla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Nada once called me once every fifteen minutes while I was on shift as a waitress. Of course, my purse and cell phone were in the manager's office with everyone else's. I couldn't even hear it. My manager brought it to me the first time, saying someone had been calling and it seemed like it must be important (five missed calls in a row) and I called her back, told her I was at work, couldn't talk and my purse was in my manager's office, couldn't hear it. I said I'd call her after work. She screamed for a little while, I hung up. Then she started the every fifteen minutes thing. I turned the phone off. Then, she called my work every fifteen minutes. I hung up on her every time once I realized it was her. Then, my boss picked up the phone and told her if she called one more time he'd fire me that second. And she did!!!! He wasn't really going to. I explained that she was nuts, basically, and I couldn't get her to stop. So that was his solution. Obviously it didn't work, but my coworkers were all appalled that she called after he threatened to fire me. So then we started a game, see who could hang up on Jae's mother the most! We had a tally board and everything. The salad cook won. The next time I talked to her (the next day), she expressed her 'concern' about my co-workers being a bad influence. That, and the expected hour long lecture on my duties as her daughter. But, she didn't call me at work anymore! Instead, she started calling my various employer's HR departments each time I changed jobs to ask if I worked there and then she'd tell them she had to ask because I lie to her, saying I'm employed when I'm not. It was so humiliating. I started only giving her made up names. It hasn't been a problem since. Jae Re: Should I respond? T, I didn't realize you were at work today. That is one of my biggest pet peeves, why does she think she can text you on a work day and be responded to immediately. I worked in a place with no personal calls, and no cell phones allowed. It made work one of my safest places. I may be old but I don't like that people think I can be gotten any time so I typical have my cell off or silent. Maybe it was a subconcious way to avoid Nada? Congrats on the promotion! > > Well, what a day I am having. I got a promotion and at my new location today, so it is supposed to be a good day, but I keep being met with all of this drama. > > I just got a phone call from her now, and of course I did not answer. Basically she said over again what she had said in her text messages. Basically: " I have sent you a couple of text messages and wasnt sure if you got them. I was just wondering if you would like to meet one on one to try and figure out a resolution to this. I would like to know by the end of the day so that i am not wondering about this. If i do not hear from you by the end of the day cause i do not want to be hung out to dry, i will assume you do not want to meet and find a way to move forward and negotiating a solution. Hopefully I will hear from you, but I will love you either way. mom " > > That is not verbatum, but basically what it said. My initial reaction is to not respond still, basically to make her suffer in silence, but I know that may not be the right thing, or the mature thing to do. I am torn between how to handle this, but it certainly angers me to here her say that we need to figure out a resolution, and negotiate. i have done nothing, she is the one that needs to fix her problems. anyways, any thoughts are always appreciated. > T > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page. http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Jae, WOW, that is just , don't even know what to say. Good for you, turning such an awful situation into a game. I like that! L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Same thing with my mom's big Silent Treatment -- I've just let it go on and on and on and on.........It's the exact opposite of some of the other nadas in the world who make harassing phone calls, etc. Mine sulks. > > > > Letty -- I can relate! > > > > It's almost humorous how my dad, when he sent a very mean, insulting > > e-mail because he was pissed we didn't make plans with them > > Thanksgiving. He wrote about three paragraphs of insults, then ends > > it with " Don't bother to respond. I'll just delete it. " > > > > Okey Dokey! Have it your way, Dad! > > > > I was FREE! I " couldn't " respond -- and that meant I didn't have to > > make Christmas plans with them either!!! I think my dad realized > > that he'd stepped in it bigtime, but by the time he " apologized " for > > what he wrote, it was too late. We were already leaving town with > > Christmas plans of our own. > > > > Maybe he thought I'd be so hurt and upset -- and don't forget SHAMED > > by my terrible ways -- that I would ignore his command not to > > respond, and call him crying, blah, blah, blah.....But I took him at > > his word and went about my day. Oh, and shared the letter with my > > brother, aunt, two uncles, my friends and this board!!! > > > > It's almost funny how they think they're REALLY BURNING us by > > telling us they'll never speak to us again. It's almost like we > > have to zip our lip from crying out " THANK YOU!!! " > > > > Makes me laugh..... > > > > -Kyla > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Hi Tony, I don't think that it is immature of you not to respond if you are not sure which response you want to take. Instead, it makes more sense to me if you take the time to figure out how you feel about the issue and make up your mind before doing something like responding. You have the right to take your time and think this over; another way of putting that is that her timeline does not need to be your timeline. My mother did much the same when she called me last year out of the blue. She had sent an email asking if we could talk (I'd been NC for about 3.5 years at that point). I was seriously considering her offer, particularly because she has made changes in her life and I was hoping that she would be better. However, instead she called. Because I had not responded, she had chosen to assume that there was a technology problem and I had not received the email. I saw this as infringing on my boundaries and was wholly unimpressed with her behavior. is ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Kyla, you are so awesome!!! Time and time again you have me screaming with excitement......you go girl!!! drlingirl > > > > So i think I know how to interpret this text message from my mom, > but I > > was wondering what others thoughts were on this and what you think I > > should do. Thanks all: > > > > " Hi. Will you meet with me to talk, soon? > > No maybe, just yes or nom please. I have > > an idea for a new years resolution, but it > > must be in person alone with me. Love mom. " > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 > > So i think I know how to interpret this text message from my mom, but I > was wondering what others thoughts were on this and what you think I > should do. Thanks all: > > " Hi. Will you meet with me to talk, soon? > No maybe, just yes or nom please. I have > an idea for a new years resolution, but it > must be in person alone with me. Love mom. " > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Oops - sorry about the blank post. I do not remember the particulars of your situation, but I do have a suggestion on what to do. DO NOT meet with her alone. Set up your own 'rule', and it is not to meet alone. This is a very manipulative message. She is trying to take control of the situation with her resolution idea, and the demand that you must meet in person and alone. What was your interpretation of the message? Sylvia > > So i think I know how to interpret this text message from my mom, but I > was wondering what others thoughts were on this and what you think I > should do. Thanks all: > > " Hi. Will you meet with me to talk, soon? > No maybe, just yes or nom please. I have > an idea for a new years resolution, but it > must be in person alone with me. Love mom. " > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Tony, My first post did not go through. Yep - still no response. Just because she wants you to do something, and tries to guilt you into doing it, doesn't mean you have to play her game. She is trying, okay - trying your patience! Remember - you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do! (I know, she doesn't understand that, but she will eventually, if you stick to your boundaries.) She knows what she did wrong, she knows what needs to be done to make it right, but she is doing everything possible to avoid taking responsibility for her actions. Take care, Sylvia > > I just got another text from her this morning now, saying she would like a answer by the end of the day today. that it is only fair since she is the only one trying here. > Still no response? > ...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 One of the cycles we KOs have to break is believing we have to do something - anything - to prevent the BP from doing something else. Just for the fun of it, make a list of all the things you can do - ignore her emails, block her emails, ignore her phone calls, block her phone calls, send any one of the suggested responses you have received, change your phone numbers, get a new phone number for everyone else, and just keep this one going for her, change your email address, legally change your name (and what other 'crazy' things can you think of doing?) We also have to toughen up concerning what the rest of the family thinks about us. What is important is what we think about ourselves. My sister and my children did not agree with my going no contact with my mother. Fortunately, they are respectful, so they didn't try to manipulate me or make me feel bad. I was particularly sad that my decision was causing some sadness for my children. But I had to be true to myself, and by doing so, I was also setting an example for my children and showing everyone how I expected to be treated. When we develop our ability to be confident in ourselves, it will matter less and less what people say about us behind our backs. Is your family the kind that will talk about people this way - or do they have some sort of clue about your mother? Your concern is coming from a place where you still feel like you have to make things right - that you have the responsibility to fix this problem. Even if you rationally know that is not true, your feelings may not be caught up to your logical thinking. Bottom line - do what is right for you to do - let the chips fall where they may - you will be able to deal with any fall out from this. 'This above all else, to thine own self be true'. Sylvia > > > > Kyla, it is basically monday today, so all your little typos are > expected from us all today! haha. > > > > Thanks for all you input! > > T > > > > > > Re: Should I respond? > > > > Correction: " WE'RE not going to participate in THEIR emotional > > turmoil anymore. " Sheesh! > > > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > ____________ ___ > > Be a better friend, newshound, and > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Well after meeting with my therapist, and much talk with him and my wife, i actually decided to email my mom. This is what my email read: Hey Mom, I did get your messages, and I do want to say that I am sorry for calling you the inappropriate name that night. However, I do not feel that I am ready to meet with you yet. I would appreciate being given space and I will contact you when I feel I am emotionally ready. Thank you for respecting my wishes. Love, Tony I figure this clears all of my part, and will test to see if she respects the boundaries I have layed out. From here I do not know where I will take it, but I have attempted to regain control, appologize for my wrongs in this (will take the burden off my grandma hopefully) and punctuated again that i need space. I will let you all know if i get any response and appreciate all your help. I know many of you told me not to do this, but i felt this for me was the right thing. I need to stop feeding into her games, and just do what i believe is right, and right for me. Have a good night everyone. T Re: Should I respond? > > > > Correction: " WE'RE not going to participate in THEIR emotional > > turmoil anymore. " Sheesh! > > > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > ____________ ___ > > Be a better friend, newshound, and > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 That was a great response. I am sure you are feeling very relieved right now. Yes, many of us suggested you not respond - but on this forum - we support and respect the decisions you make. Now you have two things to celebrate - your job promotion AND doing a darn good job of managing this situation with your mother. Sylvia > > Well after meeting with my therapist, and much talk with him and my wife, i actually decided to email my mom. This is what my email read: > > Hey Mom, > I did get your messages, and I do want to say that I am sorry for calling you the inappropriate name that night. However, I do not feel that I am ready to meet with you yet. I would appreciate being given space and I will contact you when I feel I am emotionally ready. Thank you for respecting my wishes. > Love, > Tony > > > I figure this clears all of my part, and will test to see if she respects the boundaries I have layed out. From here I do not know where I will take it, but I have attempted to regain control, appologize for my wrongs in this (will take the burden off my grandma hopefully) and punctuated again that i need space. I will let you all know if i get any response and appreciate all your help. I know many of you told me not to do this, but i felt this for me was the right thing. I need to stop feeding into her games, and just do what i believe is right, and right for me. Have a good night everyone. > T > > >...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 This story was so awful! I had to read it twice to make sure I got it right. I'm so glad you could disentangle yourself from her enough to be comfortable being seen as totally separate from her by your coworkers--and even being able to laugh about it! I would have been so embarassed, kudos to you for your strength and humor and for not allowing her to sabotoge your credibility and one of your only refuges (your job!)... JL Suess wrote: Nada once called me once every fifteen minutes while I was on shift as a waitress. Of course, my purse and cell phone were in the manager's office with everyone else's. I couldn't even hear it. My manager brought it to me the first time, saying someone had been calling and it seemed like it must be important (five missed calls in a row) and I called her back, told her I was at work, couldn't talk and my purse was in my manager's office, couldn't hear it. I said I'd call her after work. She screamed for a little while, I hung up. Then she started the every fifteen minutes thing. I turned the phone off. Then, she called my work every fifteen minutes. I hung up on her every time once I realized it was her. Then, my boss picked up the phone and told her if she called one more time he'd fire me that second. And she did!!!! He wasn't really going to. I explained that she was nuts, basically, and I couldn't get her to stop. So that was his solution. Obviously it didn't work, but my coworkers were all appalled that she called after he threatened to fire me. So then we started a game, see who could hang up on Jae's mother the most! We had a tally board and everything. The salad cook won. The next time I talked to her (the next day), she expressed her 'concern' about my co-workers being a bad influence. That, and the expected hour long lecture on my duties as her daughter. But, she didn't call me at work anymore! Instead, she started calling my various employer's HR departments each time I changed jobs to ask if I worked there and then she'd tell them she had to ask because I lie to her, saying I'm employed when I'm not. It was so humiliating. I started only giving her made up names. It hasn't been a problem since. Jae Re: Should I respond? T, I didn't realize you were at work today. That is one of my biggest pet peeves, why does she think she can text you on a work day and be responded to immediately. I worked in a place with no personal calls, and no cell phones allowed. It made work one of my safest places. I may be old but I don't like that people think I can be gotten any time so I typical have my cell off or silent. Maybe it was a subconcious way to avoid Nada? Congrats on the promotion! > > Well, what a day I am having. I got a promotion and at my new location today, so it is supposed to be a good day, but I keep being met with all of this drama. > > I just got a phone call from her now, and of course I did not answer. Basically she said over again what she had said in her text messages. Basically: " I have sent you a couple of text messages and wasnt sure if you got them. I was just wondering if you would like to meet one on one to try and figure out a resolution to this. I would like to know by the end of the day so that i am not wondering about this. If i do not hear from you by the end of the day cause i do not want to be hung out to dry, i will assume you do not want to meet and find a way to move forward and negotiating a solution. Hopefully I will hear from you, but I will love you either way. mom " > > That is not verbatum, but basically what it said. My initial reaction is to not respond still, basically to make her suffer in silence, but I know that may not be the right thing, or the mature thing to do. I am torn between how to handle this, but it certainly angers me to here her say that we need to figure out a resolution, and negotiate. i have done nothing, she is the one that needs to fix her problems. anyways, any thoughts are always appreciated. > T > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page. http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Tony -- you did the right thing. It sounded mature and still maintained your new boundaries. Well done. As Sylvia said, we DO support you in what you decided to do. You and your therapist came up with a solution that struck just the right balance. -Kyla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Tony, You handled the situation with grace. Very nicely carried out...it will be interesting to see what she does next. Now, let's lift a glass of virtual bubbly in celebration of your promotion! Cheers, Sakura > > Well after meeting with my therapist, and much talk with him and my wife, i actually decided to email my mom. This is what my email read: > > Hey Mom, > I did get your messages, and I do want to say that I am sorry for calling you the inappropriate name that night. However, I do not feel that I am ready to meet with you yet. I would appreciate being given space and I will contact you when I feel I am emotionally ready. Thank you for respecting my wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Congrats! What a strong decision to a difficult issue. http://www.windowslive.com/share.html?ocid=TXT_TAGHM_Wave2_sharelife_122007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2008 Report Share Posted January 2, 2008 Tony, I think your reply to your mother was just right. You cleared your own feeling of remorse for using the 'b' word with her by your apology. You also let her know that you are no longer a push-over and that you have taken control of your own destiny and are claiming your right to define your relationship with her. Your wording was very calm and unemotional. You must have the right therapist in your court if this was done with his approval. Becoming unenmeshed with a BPD parent is never an easy task. Your mother's vile email, however, gave you a jump start towards getting a fabulous start. You are a real man. Never forget that, even though your mother is trying to keep you 'her' little boy. This will get more satisfying to you as time passes...not that she will change..odds are that she won't. But your own self-respect and happiness will increase, your marriage will be better, and you will begin to look forward to the rest of your life. I congratulate you. Dee > > > > > > Kyla, it is basically monday today, so all your little typos are > > expected from us all today! haha. > > > > > > Thanks for all you input! > > > T > > > > > > > > > Re: Should I respond? > > > > > > Correction: " WE'RE not going to participate in THEIR emotional > > > turmoil anymore. " Sheesh! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > > ____________ ___ > > > Be a better friend, newshound, and > > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 He shoots, he scores. :-) WTG. > > > > > > Kyla, it is basically monday today, so all your little typos are > > expected from us all today! haha. > > > > > > Thanks for all you input! > > > T > > > > > > > > > Re: Should I respond? > > > > > > Correction: " WE'RE not going to participate in THEIR emotional > > > turmoil anymore. " Sheesh! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > > ____________ ___ > > > Be a better friend, newshound, and > > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 So.....surprisingly i have had no response from my mom. Is this a good sign? I feel like i may be celebrating too early, but she is so obsessive I would have thought I would have heard something by now? Now how long should I wait till I regain contact, or what type of game plan should I have. My wife wants me to kind of figure out where I would like to be in 2 years with them, as far as when we have kids what type of role will they play, will we visit them, allow them to visit us and our kids (future kids that is). I know this is kind of getting ahead of ourselves, but i guess for setting boundaries I kind of need to have a plan. Just wondering what peoples thoughts are. T Re: Should I respond? > > > > > > Correction: " WE'RE not going to participate in THEIR emotional > > > turmoil anymore. " Sheesh! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > > ____________ ___ > > > Be a better friend, newshound, and > > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hey, I've been away for a while, and I realize that your nada's " deadline " has already passed. Here's what I do with my kids (and coincidentally, it works great with BPD too because they need boundaries just as much). If I say " maybe " or " I'll think about it " or if they don't give me a chance to respond before pestering me again, I simply say, " If you need an answer right now, then my answer is no. " It bugs me that your mother expects you to respond to her immediately. That's not reasonable. What if you hadn't even had your phone with you? My advice would be to give a short response along with a boundary, like, " If you text me in the future I will not respond. " Hope that helps next time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 I think its great to go ahead and set boundaries. You can never be too prepared with BPD people. When I set boundaries through email with my mother she didn't respond for weeks. In fact she gave me the silent treatment. She was upset that I didn't have the guts to talk to her face to face. It took two months before she finally sat down with me and my husband to have a heart to heart. During this time I was LC with her and it drove her crazy. I think it also gave her time to think about how much she really wanted to have some part in my life and in the lives of her grandsons. We are just now starting to do things together again and I am taking it slowly. She tries to get me to answer her quickly and continues to ask and ask but instead of getting nervous and thinking I need to answer her quickly to get her off my back I just sit and wait. I tell her I don't know and I'll have to talk to first. Then I don't call her for days. Finally I will either say yes or no. When I have said yes it is with conditions and I make sure I don't bend because I know it is her goal to get me to bend or manipulate me in some way so she can feel she is in control once again. I have not let this happen yet but I tell you it is a constant battle when she is in my presence or we are talking on the phone I must always be on my feet ready to recognize and respond to the manipulation. Good luck! Her silence may last a while. It will feel very uncomfortable at first but just stick to it, talk to your therapist, friends, wife more and get their validation for what you are doing. Stick to your level of comfort. Only when I did this did the dynamics in our relationship change. http://im.live.com/Messenger/IM/MTV/?source=text_Cause_Effect Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Tony -- I think it IS a good sign! Take a breath and think about how YOU feel regarding being with her. Are you ready for her verbal jousting? Your wife is right: You'd better have a game plan with Mom -- Think of what she does that rubs you the wrong way -- the disrespect, the vicious e-mail diatribes, etc..... It seems you're rushing things a bit. YOU get to decide when you'll contact her again, and I would HIGHLY recommend reading one or two of the books, because that will start some thought processes and dig deeper into your psyche. When you've gotten to know yourself a little better (you ARE, after all, a product of your mother's home -- surely you realize that has affected you), you can then map out what you see as future interactions with your mom. What she said about your wife, and her wanting to meet you at home should definitely be on your list. That, to me, is your immediate priority -- the first " fire " that needs tending. Also, after reading your mom's e-mail, I see that she's got a wellspring of anger -- you'd better go into that prepared. When she sees the first signs that you're stronger and more independent (and believe me, she'll see it -- BPDs are hyper-sensitive to that), she'll start to try and find the cracks in your newfound " armor " . Take your time. Get to know yourself. Plan what relationship YOU want with your mom from this point forward. Learn what you're dealing with by reading more about it. Information is your best weapon right now. -Kyla > > > > > > > > Kyla, it is basically monday today, so all your little typos are > > > expected from us all today! haha. > > > > > > > > Thanks for all you input! > > > > T > > > > > > > > > > > > Re: Should I respond? > > > > > > > > Correction: " WE'RE not going to participate in THEIR emotional > > > > turmoil anymore. " Sheesh! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > > > ____________ ___ > > > > Be a better friend, newshound, and > > > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > > > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hi Tony, My thought is that she is unimpressed that you managed to stymy her attempt and is now thinking over a new strategy so that she can be in charge of the situation. My other thought is that you did the grown-up and mature act in this situation so enjoy the silence! is ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Tony, I agree with is. You replied to her in a mature way. our BPD moms don't know how to be mature, so she is probably confused...you stumped her! > > Hi Tony, > > My thought is that she is unimpressed that you managed > to stymy her attempt and is now thinking over a new > strategy so that she can be in charge of the > situation. My other thought is that you did the > grown-up and mature act in this situation so enjoy the > silence! > > is > > > ______________________________________________________________________ ______________ > Looking for last minute shopping deals? > Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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