Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 I have been NC with my parents since December 21st. I have posted numerous times about the reasons...my parents sent me a ridiculous ultimatum in an e-mail and if I didn't comply then " they no longer have a daughter. " I took the NC they gave me on a platter and ran. They have tried contacting me several times since then. Always it has been requests to see my daughters. So I have simply forwarded the e-mail they sent me in December and asked if anything changed because the way I read it then and the way I read it now, they disowned me. If that was the case, they should not expect to see their granddaughters. Each time, they do not respond to the question " has anything changed. " God forbid they acknowledge their part in this. Sunday I received the 1st voicemail from Nada requesting a meeting to " find some common ground in this mess and fix it. " Since I didn't listen to the message until Monday morning right before I went to work, I didn't have time to respond. Then she tried to call me Monday morning on my cellphone. That message went, " You know your Dad may have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even now remember that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not young anymore... " HUH??? My dad doesn't have to remember anything he said...I have resent the e-mail they sent me. Are they trying to pretent they don't remember writing it? This whole thing has never been about something my Dad said. If I figured out anything in the past six months it's that Dad just goes along with whatever Nada wants. Never mind it's Nada who's said all the horrible things to me on the phone and went around assassinating my character behind my back. How could I possibly consider having a meeting with someone who is going to foist what she did on someone else. Mind you, my father is not blameless...on a scale of one to ten, he's at an 8 and she's at a 10+. But my only thought on hearing the message was " you've got to be kidding me. " How do you find " common ground? " THEY disowned me. Am I supposed to come to some acceptance that they felt they were justified in that on some level? Is that what " common ground " might be? Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did it go? JJFan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 > > What a freaking mess. Since they are obviously, and by their own admission, too old to hold a coherent thought you may need to spell it out for them. Send the e-mail and ask them point blank " Am I disowned? " not what has changed. Maybe that will frame it in a context they can understand. If they answer no, maybe you can use that as a starting point. If they continue with this nonsense and either do not answer the question or continue with the adilpated doddering old grandparents scam, blow them off. There is no common ground. - Thanks for your response...actually earlier in May I did send their e- mail back to them. I was very clear. I did ask them if something had changed, but I also said " The way I read your e-mail in December and the way I read it today, you disowned me. " I never got a response from them in May. This morning I did essentially the same thing (resending them their own e-mail) with the following comments: " I am rather skeptical that we will be able to reach " common ground. " In Mom's 2nd voicemail she said, " You know your Dad may have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even now remember that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not young anymore. " Are you trying to tell me that you both don't remember sending the e-mail below that was sent on December 21st? Are you trying to tell me that the e-mail was only from Dad and not endorsed at all by Mom? I find that very hard to believe. Additionally, it was Mom who spent well over a year spreading lies about me to our extended family, not Dad. It was Mom who was wishing she were dead at the time of my marriage. It was Mom that refused the invite to Christmas Eve brunch. If you both cannot acknowledge what you did was wrong, there is no point in having any meeting. Please spare me all of your justifications because it will just add insult to injury. This is not something that is going to be easy to fix. " I did not say I would never meet with them, but I feel like I made it pretty clear that I was not going to continue to push all of their abhorrent behavior under the rug any more. I am sure they are both a bit befuddled. In the past, I have usually been overcome by the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and played the pretending game. However, back then, I didn't know what I was dealing with (i.e. BPD). Now I do. The whole thing sucks, but I am at least at a place where I know it's not just me! Thanks to all for listening! JJFan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 I LOVED your reply to them! WELL DONE! -Kyla > > > > What a freaking mess. Since they are obviously, and by their own > admission, too old to hold a coherent thought you may need to spell > it out for them. Send the e-mail and ask them point blank " Am I > disowned? " not what has changed. Maybe that will frame it in a > context they can understand. If they answer no, maybe you can use > that as a starting point. If they continue with this nonsense and > either do not answer the question or continue with the adilpated > doddering old grandparents scam, blow them off. There is no common > ground. > > - > > Thanks for your response...actually earlier in May I did send their e- > mail back to them. I was very clear. I did ask them if something > had changed, but I also said " The way I read your e-mail in December > and the way I read it today, you disowned me. " I never got a > response from them in May. > > This morning I did essentially the same thing (resending them their > own e-mail) with the following comments: > " I am rather skeptical that we will be able to reach " common > ground. " In Mom's 2nd voicemail she said, " You know your Dad may > have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even now remember > that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not young > anymore. " Are you trying to tell me that you both don't remember > sending the e-mail below that was sent on December 21st? Are you > trying to tell me that the e-mail was only from Dad and not endorsed > at all by Mom? I find that very hard to believe. Additionally, it > was Mom who spent well over a year spreading lies about me to our > extended family, not Dad. It was Mom who was wishing she were dead > at the time of my marriage. It was Mom that refused the invite to > Christmas Eve brunch. If you both cannot acknowledge what you did > was wrong, there is no point in having any meeting. Please spare me > all of your justifications because it will just add insult to > injury. This is not something that is going to be easy to fix. " > > I did not say I would never meet with them, but I feel like I made it > pretty clear that I was not going to continue to push all of their > abhorrent behavior under the rug any more. I am sure they are both a > bit befuddled. In the past, I have usually been overcome by the FOG > (fear, obligation, guilt) and played the pretending game. However, > back then, I didn't know what I was dealing with (i.e. BPD). Now I > do. The whole thing sucks, but I am at least at a place where I know > it's not just me! > > Thanks to all for listening! > JJFan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 JJfan -- you're on the right track. You've correctly assessed it and alerted them that you're not engaging in their self-serving revisionist history. You've correctly assessed that you need to be vigilant regarding letting them into your family's life. They're victimizers without remorse. I wouldn't change a thing you're doing. -Kyla > > > > What a freaking mess. Since they are obviously, and by their own > admission, too old to hold a coherent thought you may need to spell > it out for them. Send the e-mail and ask them point blank " Am I > disowned? " not what has changed. Maybe that will frame it in a > context they can understand. If they answer no, maybe you can use > that as a starting point. If they continue with this nonsense and > either do not answer the question or continue with the adilpated > doddering old grandparents scam, blow them off. There is no common > ground. > > - > > Thanks for your response...actually earlier in May I did send their e- > mail back to them. I was very clear. I did ask them if something > had changed, but I also said " The way I read your e-mail in December > and the way I read it today, you disowned me. " I never got a > response from them in May. > > This morning I did essentially the same thing (resending them their > own e-mail) with the following comments: > " I am rather skeptical that we will be able to reach " common > ground. " In Mom's 2nd voicemail she said, " You know your Dad may > have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even now remember > that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not young > anymore. " Are you trying to tell me that you both don't remember > sending the e-mail below that was sent on December 21st? Are you > trying to tell me that the e-mail was only from Dad and not endorsed > at all by Mom? I find that very hard to believe. Additionally, it > was Mom who spent well over a year spreading lies about me to our > extended family, not Dad. It was Mom who was wishing she were dead > at the time of my marriage. It was Mom that refused the invite to > Christmas Eve brunch. If you both cannot acknowledge what you did > was wrong, there is no point in having any meeting. Please spare me > all of your justifications because it will just add insult to > injury. This is not something that is going to be easy to fix. " > > I did not say I would never meet with them, but I feel like I made it > pretty clear that I was not going to continue to push all of their > abhorrent behavior under the rug any more. I am sure they are both a > bit befuddled. In the past, I have usually been overcome by the FOG > (fear, obligation, guilt) and played the pretending game. However, > back then, I didn't know what I was dealing with (i.e. BPD). Now I > do. The whole thing sucks, but I am at least at a place where I know > it's not just me! > > Thanks to all for listening! > JJFan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 JJ, if you are serious about NC, change your phone numbers. I realize this is a very drastic step, and it does cost money, but if you call your cell phone company and your home phone company and explain the situation, they may work with you to get you a new number which is not connected to the last numbers, at a lower cost. If not, it's totally worth the money. You can also initiate call blocking on their numbers. If they email you, state simply and clearly that your condition of finding " common ground " is for the BOTH of them to acknowledge what they wrote in the email and apologize for it. At that point, you will make the decision whether or not to go forward. In normal, non BP relationships, people have respect for each other. If your parents have no respect for you, you have to take steps to protect you, and make your OWN respect...for you. > > I have been NC with my parents since December 21st. I have posted > numerous times about the reasons...my parents sent me a ridiculous > ultimatum in an e-mail and if I didn't comply then " they no longer > have a daughter. " I took the NC they gave me on a platter and ran. > They have tried contacting me several times since then. Always it > has been requests to see my daughters. So I have simply forwarded > the e-mail they sent me in December and asked if anything changed > because the way I read it then and the way I read it now, they > disowned me. If that was the case, they should not expect to see > their granddaughters. Each time, they do not respond to the > question " has anything changed. " God forbid they acknowledge their > part in this. > > Sunday I received the 1st voicemail from Nada requesting a meeting > to " find some common ground in this mess and fix it. " Since I didn't > listen to the message until Monday morning right before I went to > work, I didn't have time to respond. Then she tried to call me > Monday morning on my cellphone. That message went, " You know your > Dad may have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even now > remember that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not young > anymore... " HUH??? My dad doesn't have to remember anything he > said...I have resent the e-mail they sent me. Are they trying to > pretent they don't remember writing it? This whole thing has never > been about something my Dad said. If I figured out anything in the > past six months it's that Dad just goes along with whatever Nada > wants. Never mind it's Nada who's said all the horrible things to me > on the phone and went around assassinating my character behind my > back. > > How could I possibly consider having a meeting with someone who is > going to foist what she did on someone else. Mind you, my father is > not blameless...on a scale of one to ten, he's at an 8 and she's at a > 10+. But my only thought on hearing the message was " you've got to > be kidding me. " How do you find " common ground? " THEY disowned me. > Am I supposed to come to some acceptance that they felt they were > justified in that on some level? Is that what " common ground " might > be? > > Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did it go? > > JJFan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 yeah, I agree...I also think there is some danger of them causing trouble with the grandchildren for 'revenge' if they do get to see them again. BPD's seem to always have to have some sort of revenge for when they feel they've been wronged (when really they have forced someone's hand). > > > > Voicemails from Oz > > > I have been NC with my parents since December 21st. I have posted > numerous times about the reasons...my parents sent me a ridiculous > ultimatum in an e-mail and if I didn't comply then " they no longer > have a daughter. " I took the NC they gave me on a platter and ran. > They have tried contacting me several times since then. Always it > has been requests to see my daughters. So I have simply forwarded > the e-mail they sent me in December and asked if anything changed > because the way I read it then and the way I read it now, they > disowned me. If that was the case, they should not expect to see > their granddaughters. Each time, they do not respond to the > question " has anything changed. " God forbid they acknowledge their > part in this. > > Sunday I received the 1st voicemail from Nada requesting a meeting > to " find some common ground in this mess and fix it. " Since I didn't > listen to the message until Monday morning right before I went to > work, I didn't have time to respond. Then she tried to call me > Monday morning on my cellphone.. That message went, " You know your > Dad may have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even now > remember that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not young > anymore... " HUH??? My dad doesn't have to remember anything he > said...I have resent the e-mail they sent me. Are they trying to > pretent they don't remember writing it? This whole thing has never > been about something my Dad said. If I figured out anything in the > past six months it's that Dad just goes along with whatever Nada > wants. Never mind it's Nada who's said all the horrible things to me > on the phone and went around assassinating my character behind my > back. > > How could I possibly consider having a meeting with someone who is > going to foist what she did on someone else. Mind you, my father is > not blameless... on a scale of one to ten, he's at an 8 and she's at a > 10+. But my only thought on hearing the message was " you've got to > be kidding me. " How do you find " common ground? " THEY disowned me. > Am I supposed to come to some acceptance that they felt they were > justified in that on some level? Is that what " common ground " might > be? > > Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did it go? > > JJFan > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 I didn't have to change my number but I like the idea a lot. In some ways I would feel safer if they didn't know where i live, drop ins are the worst, but I don't want to move. They haven't tried very hard anyway. I just deleted e-mails and didn't return calls and after a few, they all stopped. > > JJ, if you are serious about NC, change your phone numbers. I realize > this is a very drastic step, and it does cost money, but if you call > your cell phone company and your home phone company and explain the > situation, they may work with you to get you a new number which is > not connected to the last numbers, at a lower cost. If not, it's > totally worth the money. > > You can also initiate call blocking on their numbers. > > If they email you, state simply and clearly that your condition of > finding " common ground " is for the BOTH of them to acknowledge what > they wrote in the email and apologize for it. At that point, you will > make the decision whether or not to go forward. > > In normal, non BP relationships, people have respect for each other. > If your parents have no respect for you, you have to take steps to > protect you, and make your OWN respect...for you. > > > > > > > > I have been NC with my parents since December 21st. I have posted > > numerous times about the reasons...my parents sent me a ridiculous > > ultimatum in an e-mail and if I didn't comply then " they no longer > > have a daughter. " I took the NC they gave me on a platter and > ran. > > They have tried contacting me several times since then. Always it > > has been requests to see my daughters. So I have simply forwarded > > the e-mail they sent me in December and asked if anything changed > > because the way I read it then and the way I read it now, they > > disowned me. If that was the case, they should not expect to see > > their granddaughters. Each time, they do not respond to the > > question " has anything changed. " God forbid they acknowledge their > > part in this. > > > > Sunday I received the 1st voicemail from Nada requesting a meeting > > to " find some common ground in this mess and fix it. " Since I > didn't > > listen to the message until Monday morning right before I went to > > work, I didn't have time to respond. Then she tried to call me > > Monday morning on my cellphone. That message went, " You know your > > Dad may have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even now > > remember that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not > young > > anymore... " HUH??? My dad doesn't have to remember anything he > > said...I have resent the e-mail they sent me. Are they trying to > > pretent they don't remember writing it? This whole thing has never > > been about something my Dad said. If I figured out anything in the > > past six months it's that Dad just goes along with whatever Nada > > wants. Never mind it's Nada who's said all the horrible things to > me > > on the phone and went around assassinating my character behind my > > back. > > > > How could I possibly consider having a meeting with someone who is > > going to foist what she did on someone else. Mind you, my father > is > > not blameless...on a scale of one to ten, he's at an 8 and she's at > a > > 10+. But my only thought on hearing the message was " you've got to > > be kidding me. " How do you find " common ground? " THEY disowned > me. > > Am I supposed to come to some acceptance that they felt they were > > justified in that on some level? Is that what " common ground " > might > > be? > > > > Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did it go? > > > > JJFan > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 My dad claimed not to know " what we could have done that could have severed the relationship " .....like it happened when the wind changed direction or something. I had a friend that pulled this same crap -- she wrote me a letter claiming to be clueless as to what ever she could have done to make me so angry. Notice how she worded that: like I was some stormy, angry Queen of the hill, throwing thunderbolts at her. Totally ignored that she had been a crappy friend in the months before, and I just had my fill and walked away from the friendship. She wrote this one-sided letter, included gifts for my kids, then claimed not to know what ever she could have EVER done to me!! She also threw some bait in there about how she was moving to another city, etc., etc.....I am SURE it was engineered to pique my curiosity enough that I'd pick up the phone and say " You're MOVING?!!! " I didn't take the bait. I answered her letter with one of my own: " Dallas sounds wonderful and exciting -- and a move sounds like the fresh start you've been looking for. Best of luck. " Never heard another word from her. It's been 10 years. -Kyla > > > > I have been NC with my parents since December 21st. I have posted > > numerous times about the reasons...my parents sent me a ridiculous > > ultimatum in an e-mail and if I didn't comply then " they no longer > > have a daughter. " I took the NC they gave me on a platter and > ran. > > They have tried contacting me several times since then. Always it > > has been requests to see my daughters. So I have simply forwarded > > the e-mail they sent me in December and asked if anything changed > > because the way I read it then and the way I read it now, they > > disowned me. If that was the case, they should not expect to see > > their granddaughters. Each time, they do not respond to the > > question " has anything changed. " God forbid they acknowledge > their > > part in this. > > > > Sunday I received the 1st voicemail from Nada requesting a meeting > > to " find some common ground in this mess and fix it. " Since I > didn't > > listen to the message until Monday morning right before I went to > > work, I didn't have time to respond. Then she tried to call me > > Monday morning on my cellphone. That message went, " You know your > > Dad may have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even > now > > remember that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not > young > > anymore... " HUH??? My dad doesn't have to remember anything he > > said...I have resent the e-mail they sent me. Are they trying to > > pretent they don't remember writing it? This whole thing has > never > > been about something my Dad said. If I figured out anything in > the > > past six months it's that Dad just goes along with whatever Nada > > wants. Never mind it's Nada who's said all the horrible things to > me > > on the phone and went around assassinating my character behind my > > back. > > > > How could I possibly consider having a meeting with someone who is > > going to foist what she did on someone else. Mind you, my father > is > > not blameless...on a scale of one to ten, he's at an 8 and she's > at a > > 10+. But my only thought on hearing the message was " you've got > to > > be kidding me. " How do you find " common ground? " THEY disowned > me. > > Am I supposed to come to some acceptance that they felt they were > > justified in that on some level? Is that what " common ground " > might > > be? > > > > Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did it go? > > > > JJFan > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 > > JJ, if you are serious about NC, change your phone numbers. I realize > this is a very drastic step, and it does cost money, but if you call > your cell phone company and your home phone company and explain the > situation, they may work with you to get you a new number which is > not connected to the last numbers, at a lower cost. If not, it's > totally worth the money. > > You can also initiate call blocking on their numbers. > - I am not quite ready to make that change. At present, I haven't been getting constant phone calls, or believe me, I would be looking for a means to end it. My " land " line at home always has the ringer off...those who know me well know I will answer my cell when and if I am available. I have my parents set on a special ring tone on my cell...so when it goes off, it triggers a " Hey...that's not the normal ring " so I don't accidently pick up if I don't want to. So far that has worked for me. Thanks for your input. JJFan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 I wonder if we could get some kind of special group discount on the " Twilight Zone " ringtone LOL > > > > JJ, if you are serious about NC, change your phone numbers. I realize > > this is a very drastic step, and it does cost money, but if you call > > your cell phone company and your home phone company and explain the > > situation, they may work with you to get you a new number which is > > not connected to the last numbers, at a lower cost. If not, it's > > totally worth the money. > > > > You can also initiate call blocking on their numbers. > > > > - > I am not quite ready to make that change. At present, I haven't been > getting constant phone calls, or believe me, I would be looking for a > means to end it. My " land " line at home always has the ringer > off...those who know me well know I will answer my cell when and if I > am available. I have my parents set on a special ring tone on my > cell...so when it goes off, it triggers a " Hey...that's not the normal > ring " so I don't accidently pick up if I don't want to. So far that > has worked for me. > Thanks for your input. > JJFan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 My ringtone would be from the movie Jaws....dumdum,dumdum,dumdum.... > > > > > > JJ, if you are serious about NC, change your phone numbers. I > realize > > > this is a very drastic step, and it does cost money, but if you > call > > > your cell phone company and your home phone company and explain > the > > > situation, they may work with you to get you a new number which > is > > > not connected to the last numbers, at a lower cost. If not, it's > > > totally worth the money. > > > > > > You can also initiate call blocking on their numbers. > > > > > > > - > > I am not quite ready to make that change. At present, I haven't > been > > getting constant phone calls, or believe me, I would be looking for > a > > means to end it. My " land " line at home always has the ringer > > off...those who know me well know I will answer my cell when and if > I > > am available. I have my parents set on a special ring tone on my > > cell...so when it goes off, it triggers a " Hey...that's not the > normal > > ring " so I don't accidently pick up if I don't want to. So far > that > > has worked for me. > > Thanks for your input. > > JJFan > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 > > The very, very, latest is that she thinks ALL this crap is from an > outside influence. She has accused my childhood friend (who's mom > died when she was an infant by saving her children in a horriable > fire) of being the reason I am NC. My nada thinks that is it > because my friend doesn't have a mother that I am now NC with her. > TALK ABOUT INSANE!!!! > drlingirl- Of course this is all from an outside influence...it can't possibly be her. I know that story too. My Uncle " ruined " my relationship with my Mother...just ask her. It wasn't all the horrible things she said to me. It wasn't all the horrible things she said behind my back. It wasn't all the drama she created for no apparent reason. But it was, most definitely my Uncle. The saint of a man who tried over and over and over again to reconcile with her despite every mean, vile thing she has ever said. Yes...definitely INSANE! JJFan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 These are all hilarious! > > > > > > > > > > JJ, if you are serious about NC, change your phone numbers. I > > > realize > > > > > this is a very drastic step, and it does cost money, but if > > you > > > call > > > > > your cell phone company and your home phone company and > > explain > > > the > > > > > situation, they may work with you to get you a new number > > which > > > is > > > > > not connected to the last numbers, at a lower cost. If not, > > it's > > > > > totally worth the money. > > > > > > > > > > You can also initiate call blocking on their numbers. > > > > > > > > > > > > > - > > > > I am not quite ready to make that change. At present, I > haven't > > > been > > > > getting constant phone calls, or believe me, I would be looking > > for > > > a > > > > means to end it. My " land " line at home always has the ringer > > > > off...those who know me well know I will answer my cell when > and > > if > > > I > > > > am available. I have my parents set on a special ring tone on > > my > > > > cell...so when it goes off, it triggers a " Hey...that's not the > > > normal > > > > ring " so I don't accidently pick up if I don't want to. So far > > > that > > > > has worked for me. > > > > Thanks for your input. > > > > JJFan > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 JJ..... I just makes me so mad that my nada would think that I would be swayed by others......I am not a follower, never have been. I am just good and peaceful person who wants nothing more than for my family to all get along. This is a multi-generational thing though.....it didn't start with me.....but if it takes my last dying breath to end it that is what I will do. It stops with us.....drlingirl > > > > The very, very, latest is that she thinks ALL this crap is from an > > outside influence. She has accused my childhood friend (who's mom > > died when she was an infant by saving her children in a horriable > > fire) of being the reason I am NC. My nada thinks that is it > > because my friend doesn't have a mother that I am now NC with her. > > TALK ABOUT INSANE!!!! > > > > drlingirl- > > Of course this is all from an outside influence...it can't possibly > be her. I know that story too. My Uncle " ruined " my relationship > with my Mother...just ask her. It wasn't all the horrible things she > said to me. It wasn't all the horrible things she said behind my > back. It wasn't all the drama she created for no apparent reason. > But it was, most definitely my Uncle. The saint of a man who tried > over and over and over again to reconcile with her despite every > mean, vile thing she has ever said. Yes...definitely INSANE! > > JJFan > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2008 Report Share Posted June 4, 2008 All you need to worry about is protecting your children and in my opinion you are doing an outstanding job. Keep it up. Re: Voicemails from Oz > > What a freaking mess. Since they are obviously, and by their own admission, too old to hold a coherent thought you may need to spell it out for them. Send the e-mail and ask them point blank " Am I disowned? " not what has changed. Maybe that will frame it in a context they can understand. If they answer no, maybe you can use that as a starting point. If they continue with this nonsense and either do not answer the question or continue with the adilpated doddering old grandparents scam, blow them off. There is no common ground. - Thanks for your response...actually earlier in May I did send their e- mail back to them. I was very clear. I did ask them if something had changed, but I also said " The way I read your e-mail in December and the way I read it today, you disowned me. " I never got a response from them in May. This morning I did essentially the same thing (resending them their own e-mail) with the following comments: " I am rather skeptical that we will be able to reach " common ground.. " In Mom's 2nd voicemail she said, " You know your Dad may have said what he said at the time, but he doesn't even now remember that he said it until we read the e-mail. We are not young anymore. " Are you trying to tell me that you both don't remember sending the e-mail below that was sent on December 21st? Are you trying to tell me that the e-mail was only from Dad and not endorsed at all by Mom? I find that very hard to believe. Additionally, it was Mom who spent well over a year spreading lies about me to our extended family, not Dad. It was Mom who was wishing she were dead at the time of my marriage. It was Mom that refused the invite to Christmas Eve brunch. If you both cannot acknowledge what you did was wrong, there is no point in having any meeting. Please spare me all of your justifications because it will just add insult to injury. This is not something that is going to be easy to fix. " I did not say I would never meet with them, but I feel like I made it pretty clear that I was not going to continue to push all of their abhorrent behavior under the rug any more. I am sure they are both a bit befuddled. In the past, I have usually been overcome by the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and played the pretending game. However, back then, I didn't know what I was dealing with (i.e. BPD). Now I do. The whole thing sucks, but I am at least at a place where I know it's not just me! Thanks to all for listening! JJFan Messages in this topic (8) Reply (via web post) | Start a new topic Messages Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. MARKETPLACE ________________________________ Blockbuster is giving away a FREE trial of - Blockbuster Total Access. Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required) Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe Recent Activity * 22 New MembersVisit Your Group Meditation and Lovingkindness A Yahoo! Group to share and learn. Yahoo! Health Healthy Aging Improve your quality of life. Y! Groups blog The place to go to stay informed on Groups news! .. __,_.._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.