Re: Has anyone experienced this

[Guest guest]

>

>

> I certainly don't need friends like that anyway. I am a positive and

> upbeat person, they brought me down, and to tears sometimes.

>

> I have learned since, not to tell anyone what meds I take, that is now

> very private (except for this group) because this is something that

> someone could turn around on you, as they did with me.

>

> Just wondering if any of you has experienced this with so called

> friends before, and how did you handle it.

>

> Leigh Anne

>

Leigh,

Yes, I have experience that, even at my jobs. I had a friend with

cancer who I stood by all during here therapy, kept her kids, would go

over and sit in her bed so she was not lonely and encouraged her. She

is cancer free now and when I moved I received no support.

I have no friends in my town and I really don't want any. I attended a

large church and no one from my church visited me during my surgeries,

recovery, or

any at all. I am isolated and I think it is ok because I do not need

any toxic relationships.

I have had friends with disabilities and I have driven them to doctors

appointments, brought food to their home, and cared for their children

so they have a break.

It really sad, but it is common occurrence with pain patients. I try

to stay around understanding people and this group are my friends. My

husband

is my best friend and my son is twenty and does what he can. I do not

want to drag him down while he is trying to make good grades in

college.

I am waiting to feel better and try to attend an actual support group.

So, yes, I have experienced what you have and you do not need to be

drug down by people who do not understand.

Bennie

[Guest guest]

Hi Leigh Anne,

I'm sorry your friends did that to you. I have no experienced what you went

through yet. I pretty much keep my distance from most people and I don't tell

very many what I take, or that I even take anything other than

anti-inflammatories and Neurontin. But, if those people did that to you, then

they weren't real friends. I am sending internet hugs your way!

Love,

Becky/SD

Leigh Anne wrote:

I have had two friends (now ex friends) that at first understood my

back condition, and understood why I take opiates to function.

After a few years of knowing these people, both turned on me and told

me I was addicted to pain pills and needed rehab. That I was just

wanting to get high, and using back pain as an excuse. That was the

end of our friendship.

Just wondering if any of you has experienced this with so called

friends before, and how did you handle it.

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[Guest guest]

Hi Leigh Anne,

I am glad your mom understands more as to why you are shying away from meeting

people. It is difficult to trust some anymore. I do hope, though, that some

friends can come your way that will treat you right!

Love,

Becky/SD

Leigh Anne wrote:

I hate to say this but, I too am now shying away from people.

My Mother thinks I need friendships, but I've explained to her what

those people did to me, so I think she understands more now about the

way I feel.

[Guest guest]

--- jcshanksii@... wrote:

>

>My chronic pain has cost me my closest

friends

> because I am no longer happy go lucky like I used to be. It has cost

me my 10 yr

> relationship as my partner grew tired of me constantly in bed in

pain. It

> cost me my career, my identity, my self.

> ny in WVa

Yep, I lost my best friend, and 10 yr marriage, career. I fret every

day, not that I want to, about what my future holds. It sucks the

energy constantly worrying about money, am I going to get SSD after 4

yrs of waiting, will anyone want me as a partner.

I do have my 2 dogs and thankful that I can at least walk them a little and get

outside where I love to be. I hate being cooped up indoors, watching tv all the

time, getting even more upset thinking about all I am missing out on, like

travel, meeting people, and crying watching movies. Oh what a mess! But I take

it one day at a time and try to find something positive, and hope life will get

better.

Ann

[Guest guest]

When I’m having really bad pain, I withdraw from every

one, I don’t want to see anyone or even talk to

anyone, just leave me alone. I dont even answer the

phone or the door bell.

And I think every one of us is

that way most of the time when we are really in bad

pain. I’ve lost some friends that way, but still have

a few. The ones I lost it’s my own fault I lost them.

Because they really didn’t know what was going on. I

finally figured that out last year.

I called every one of them and tried to explain the reason I was that

way. Most thought they had did something wrong. These

people that we lose as friends most of them are just

waiting to hear from us. They are not going to make

the first move because it was us that shut them off to

start off with

Ron

--- lovemyterv wrote:

> Yep, I lost my best friend, and 10 yr marriage,

> career. I fret every

> day, not that I want to, about what my future holds.

[Guest guest]

--- ron Pat wrote:

> I've lost some friends that way, but still have

> a few. The ones I lost it's my own fault I lost them.

> Because they really didn't know what was going on. I

> finally figured that out last year. I called every one of them and

tried to explain the reason I was that way. Most thought they had did

something wrong.

Hi Ron -

Wow, that's a really insightful post! I think you're so right. I

think that a lot of the time friends/family drift away because either

they feel rejected because we have pulled back, or think they've done

something wrong, or they hate to see us hurt and don't know how to

help so they just do nothing rather than do something wrong.

Of course, there are always just plain ol' jerks out there - and

we're better off without those in our lives! - but my optimistic

nature insists that most people aren't trying to be cruel, but are

just confused.

Communication is key, from both sides. I love that you made the

effort to reach out and contact those folks again. I hope that at

least some of those relationships were salvaged as a result. At the

very least, you should sleep better at night knowing that you

provided some resolution for yourself and them. You're a good man,

Ron.

Cheryl in AZ

Moderator

[Guest guest]

Well I had to do something it was starting to get

sorta lonely here

--- Cheryl in AZ wrote:

> Communication is key, from both sides. I love that

> you made the

> effort to reach out and contact those folks again.

[Guest guest]

- He said people would

> think he was just putting it on, kidding he could not walk.

That's exactly the way I feel. For one thing I'm 47 years old and look

a lot younger, I'm sure I'd get the strange looks from people.

>

> The reason I moved from Scotland. My attitude is " if you need it,

use it " why suffer more than you need to.

Yes, and after reading what others have said, I think I will use it if

I need it.

My job in the house is to wash up the dishes, I use a tall stool.

I nearly topple off it as I am so round, but I get the job done in the

end.

I too sit on a tall stool to wash the dishes. I'm learning more and

more short cuts on how to get different jobs in the house done with my

chronic back pain.

> I tell myself, " it could be worse " and do try to be positive. I

certainly do have days when I can't but I say " take it easy, don't

worry as you will be better tomorrow "

>

You are absolutely right, it could always be worse, and I should

really take the time to remember that every day.

Thank you for your post.

Leigh Anne

[Guest guest]

When I am having a really bad pain day, I get very grumpy and in a bad mood as

well as withdrawn. I also want to be left alone and do nothing.

Love,

Becky/SD

>ron Pat wrote:

When I’m having really bad pain, I withdraw from every

one, I don’t want to see anyone or even talk to

anyone, just leave me alone. I dont even answer the

phone or the door bell.

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