Guest guest Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 Oh God yes. My " best " friend in college was a classic NPD, some family friends turned out to be NPDs and right now I am in hermit mode because I am scared to death of getting into another friendship with more NPDs. I am like catnip to these people. As for that sign on our backs, I think mine hangs out in my blind spot and says: SUUUUCKKKKKERRRRRRRR! in blinking LED multicolored lights. Even today I was in the grocery store in the check out line when a woman brushed past me with her cart going against the checkout traffic to get into the store while the rest of us were trying to get out. I scooted my cart over to let her through and under her voice as she passed me she muttered, " Well thank you stupid. " I KID YOU NOT! I was so shocked that I actually turned around and looked at her and she looked back at me and gave me one of those little smirks. WTF? Too funny. A friend like nada I haven't visited here for a couple of days, right I am working 2 jobs to earn money for my week at the Caron House....so things are busy. I have to post about this because I don't know how many of you feel like you have a sign on you that says, fool. I have taken so much from my nada and husband, that it just really sucks. I feel like my capacity to tolerate and accept too much just pours over into so many of relationships. Recently a friend and I had a falling out. I felt like the relationship was too one sided. I was usually the one who would arrange our gatherings and I always felt like I was the one who was calling her. She was very disapproving of the new additions to my life- therapy, Reiki, the books I was reading on positive intentions- like The Secret. A mutual friend of ours said she felt like this friend treated me more like her daughter, then a friend. Like the disapproving parent. I just shrugged it off and said I already had one of those. Since this falling out and it was over me standing my ground with her, this friend called our mutual friend and said she felt like I needed to be taught a lesson actually be punished for the way I am changing. So she is choosing to ignore me and she hoped our mutual fiend would do the same.... What the hell, friends don't do that to each other. Yikes....do I pick friends that are like nada, and if so--why? This situation with this friend is getting me to rethink a lot of relationships in my life....I don't want difficult people in my life, but they somehow are there .....and I put up with way more then I should, so when I do stand up to them and they want to punish me...omg Anyone else have a friend or exfriend like their BP parent? Thanks for listening, Malinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 Run. Now. > > > > I haven't visited here for a couple of days, right I am working 2 > > jobs to earn money for my week at the Caron House....so things are > > busy. > > > > I have to post about this because I don't know how many of you > feel > > like you have a sign on you that says, fool. I have taken so much > > from my nada and husband, that it just really sucks. I feel like > my > > capacity to tolerate and accept too much just pours over into so > many > > of relationships. > > > > Recently a friend and I had a falling out. I felt like the > > relationship was too one sided. I was usually the one who would > > arrange our gatherings and I always felt like I was the one who > was > > calling her. She was very disapproving of the new additions to my > > life- therapy, Reiki, the books I was reading on positive > intentions- > > like The Secret. A mutual friend of ours said she felt like this > > friend treated me more like her daughter, then a friend. Like the > > disapproving parent. I just shrugged it off and said I already had > > one of those. > > > > Since this falling out and it was over me standing my ground > with > > her, this friend called our mutual friend and said she felt like I > > needed to be taught a lesson actually be punished for the way I am > > changing. So she is choosing to ignore me and she hoped our mutual > > fiend would do the same.... What the hell, friends don't do that > to > > each other. > > > > Yikes....do I pick friends that are like nada, and if so-- why? > > This situation with this friend is getting me to rethink a lot of > > relationships in my life....I don't want difficult people in my > life, > > but they somehow are there .....and I put up with way more then I > > should, so when I do stand up to them and they want to punish > me...omg > > > > Anyone else have a friend or exfriend like their BP parent? > > > > Thanks for listening, > > Malinda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Me too, i've had many friends and boyfriends like this. I think one positive step is to learn to identify these toxic types BEFORE you give them the opportunity to get into your life. It's a skill we must all learn. If you can spot them quicker you can weed em out quicker! I just recently ousted the last toxic person in my world. LIBERATION!! Now I can just focus on determining who's worthy (mentally healthy) of entering my inner circle from now on. I believe the flashing " idiot " lamp on my forehead is extinguished. I hope permanently. > > YES! I've had many. I think it is probably pretty common. > > > > A friend like nada > > > I haven't visited here for a couple of days, right I am working 2 > jobs to earn money for my week at the Caron House....so things are > busy. > > I have to post about this because I don't know how many of you feel > like you have a sign on you that says, fool. I have taken so much > from my nada and husband, that it just really sucks. I feel like my > capacity to tolerate and accept too much just pours over into so many > of relationships. > > Recently a friend and I had a falling out. I felt like the > relationship was too one sided. I was usually the one who would > arrange our gatherings and I always felt like I was the one who was > calling her. She was very disapproving of the new additions to my > life- therapy, Reiki, the books I was reading on positive intentions- > like The Secret. A mutual friend of ours said she felt like this > friend treated me more like her daughter, then a friend. Like the > disapproving parent. I just shrugged it off and said I already had > one of those. > > Since this falling out and it was over me standing my ground with > her, this friend called our mutual friend and said she felt like I > needed to be taught a lesson actually be punished for the way I am > changing. So she is choosing to ignore me and she hoped our mutual > fiend would do the same.... What the hell, friends don't do that to > each other. > > Yikes....do I pick friends that are like nada, and if so--why? > This situation with this friend is getting me to rethink a lot of > relationships in my life....I don't want difficult people in my life, > but they somehow are there .....and I put up with way more then I > should, so when I do stand up to them and they want to punish me...omg > > Anyone else have a friend or exfriend like their BP parent? > > Thanks for listening, > Malinda > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2008 Report Share Posted June 8, 2008 Hi malinda, yes I too have realised that i have either friends like nada or friends that prefer the nada like friends to me. it was extremely painful, the rejection thing, until I realised that i also had other friends, albeit less in quantity, but better in quality. I then wondered if I was so used to the drama/confusion thing as an expression of love (nada style) that I understood nothing else. The first goes round in familiar descending circles whilst the quality ascends. Difficult to describe as it's often unfamiliar ground. i'm at the point where i'm making choices and consequently making room for un nada like people in my life. funnily enough i'm breathing better and am having less allergies??? TC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2008 Report Share Posted June 9, 2008 I went NC last November and realized a few months later that I had a handful of other BP/narcs in my life. I had carried over my interpersonal style, learned from nada, into other relationships which is why I think I've always been " put upon " at work, always attracting the crazy boss, unreasonable client, fruitloop vendor, etc. Basically I was reenacting my relationship with her in these other arenas. Whereas I only have 1 friendship like this, I found many in my professional relationships (maybe because these inherently involve authority/power/dependence?). In March I took a class in assertiveness that has helped tremendously in dealing with these people as well as that 1 friend. It's not enough to recognize a nada-like person in your sphere, you have to do something to change the nature of your interactions, and this class was really helpful in that regard. Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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