Re: Is anyone a highly sensitive person???

[Guest guest]

So true! Just reminding myself that I don't have to clench up every

time a situation presents itself -- I can decide to let go, and I can

literally feel my insides relaxing again. You're so right -- Learning

to let go is key.

I think our BPD parents transmit fear to us -- fear in so many

situations, fear of their anger, fear of the world -- the

possibilities are endless, but I think anxiety and fear are at the

root of it. We're indoctrinated at a young age into this mindset.

Letting go and getting on with your life is the antidote.

And as for that " you can't take a joke " crap -- I think a lot of

the " jokes " inflicted on people are just hostility wrapped in joke's

clothing. Telling someone to just " get over it " without regard to the

facts is insensitive. We all know that sometimes, kids' " jokes " can

be cruel.

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

I am also very sensitive. In fact my life revolves around smells. I know that

sounds weird but, I am so in tune to certain smells that relate to places and

times. When I was pregnant I made sure I used body items with smells I

absolutely loved and would take me back to that time, when I smelled them in the

future. I am also sensitive in other ways and suffer from migraines. It is

funny, when I was thirteen I was diagnosed with Leukemia. I remember telling my

nada I thought I got Leukemia from all the stress in our lives. Of course they

do not know what causes Leukemia and a lot of kids from mentally stable families

are diagnosed with Leukemia. I guess by thirteen my nada had already caused me

so much stress.

---------------------------------

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Guest guest]

There is a book by Dr. Elaine Aron called " The Highly Sensitive

Person " that has helped me understand myself better because I have

alot of these characteristics.

Some reviewers complain that the book doesn't really tell you what to

do once you have defined yourself as a Highly Sensitive Person. But

I feel that knowing there are (alot) of other people out there who

become exhausted and even sick from too much external stimulus is

helpful, just the knowing that you are not alone.

The book also also made me appreciate the positive aspects of being

highly sensitive, i.e., appreciating art, music, being intuitive of

other peoples feelings (sometimes that is a blessing, sometimes not

LOL)

> >

> > I was always labeled by my Nada as being withdrawn, painfully

shy,

> > introverted, drama queen, overly sensitive etc. She use to

comment

> > on how I noticed the slighted smell and almost started throwing

up

> > if it was awful. I began to see some of these same qualities in

my

> > child when I was first introduced to the concept of being a

Highly

> > Sensitive Person. Here are the characteristics associated with

> being

> > Highly Sensitive and I was wondering if other KO's also have

these

> > characteristics?

> >

> > You, have a heightened awareness of subtleties in your

environment,

> > whether it's sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell.

> >

> > You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and may

find

> > it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room, to seek

> > solitude, relief and comfort.

> >

> > You are very conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may

> > become uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being

> > closely watched or scrutinized.

> >

> > You feel compelled to file and organize things and thoughts, also

> > enjoy simplicity and may become overwhelmed or even immobilized

by

> > chaos, clutter, or stress.

> >

> > You are very uncomfortable when feeling things are getting out of

> > your control.

> >

> > You get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake,

> river,

> > stream, the ocean, or even a fountain.

> >

> > You experience mood swings, sometimes occurring almost instantly

> and

> > can also be affected by other people's moods, emotions and

> problems.

> >

> > You have a deep, rich, inner life, are very spiritual and may

also

> > frequently have vivid dreams, and possibly nightmares.

> >

> > You are very intuitive and you feel that you can usually sense if

> > someone isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong.

> >

> > You get concerned and worry about many things, and have also been

> > told " you take things too personally. "

> >

> > You have had the experience of " cutting people out " of your life.

> >

> > You were considered quiet, introverted, timid, or shy as a child.

> >

> > Here are a few more to consider... Can be startled easily.

Cautious

> > in new situations. May have trouble sleeping. Extra sensitive to

> > pain. Don't like crowds. Avoids violent movies and TV shows. Has

a

> > deep respect and appreciation of nature, music and art.

> >

> > Do some, or many, of these statements ring true for you, your

> > partner, or someone important in your life? If so, you or they

may

> > be a highly sensitive person or " HSP. "

> >

> > Kelley

> >

>

[Guest guest]

How do you manage to do that? I write too (on the web), and I'd like

to publish a book eventually. But lately I've been feeling bogged down

and blocked. I think my nada has to do with it. I don't want her to

know about what I write--I don't want to hear her criticism or her

lame, belated praise. How do you get to the point where you don't

worry about that anymore?

qwerty

> kelley ward wrote:

>

> I forgot to put at age 27 I learned to play the guitar, wrote songs,

and by 29 I performed at a coffee house. Nada showed up to cheer me

on. I still play but am finding it hard with a 3 year old who wants to

play also (my guitar while I play) and a 9 week old. However, I am

excited that now I can play both piano and guitar. She also told me I

couldn't write and I have now published 4 articles in nursing journals

and 1 drug book for nurses. I am starting my second book a study guide

for pediatric nurses this week! Funny how in many ways I broke free of

her hold on me.

>

> Kelley

[Guest guest]

Well done for having separated in that way, and accomplished so much!

My problem is that even though I haven't told her about my writing, I

am still blocked. I started a blog about a year and a half ago. I

wrote on it pretty regularly, and am also writing a monthly article

for another website. But I feel very blocked. I feel very negative

about sitting down to write, and at the same time disappointed that my

blog has not become nearly as popular as some other blogs. It just

feels like I'm writing for an audience of zero that doesn't appreciate

what I have to say. I usually love to cook, and lately that hasn't

been much fun either. The only creative activity that seems fun these

days is taking photos.

I think I'm kind of depressed, but this issue in particular bugs me. I

like being creative, and lately it's been hard for me to do that. I

even started thinking of a short story I want to write, but haven't

been able to muster up more than an outline. Has anyone else had this

problem? What do you do?

qwerty

>

>

> I didn't realize her hold on me until I had already written my book.

I think in my career I separated myself somewhat (because I am a

nursing professor and she is a teacher) since she didn't have a clue

about my field of expertise. Thanks for bringing this to mind. I

didn't realize I had separated from her that way.

>

> My advice is do it for yourself and don't tell her if she criticizes

you. Then when you finish you can be proud of what you did for yourself.

>

> Kelley

[Guest guest]

Hi Kelley,

Your post struck a big chord with me! My stepnada was always

calling me too sensitive, too shy, too everything she wasn't, which

is loud, abrasive, insensitive, tactless, crude, and bossy. She

forced me into dance classes, which I begged not to do and was

embarrassed further since I couldn't learn the steps and the other

kids were ruthless about it (they were there because they wanted to

be). She also forced me to do things I was scared to do by calling

me a wuss, a baby, or getting super angry and giving me the pressure

cooker silent treatment. The first time she and my father took me

and my sister to Disneyland was probably one of the most traumatic

memories of my childhood. She forced us onto the roller coasters

(we were 8 and 5), forced us to take pictures with the characters

(after we asked her not to make us), etc. Of course, when we said

no to anything, or asserted our own opinion about something (gasp!)

she would get deeply offended and either rage or silent treatment

us. Who was really the sensitive person in this scenario? We were

expected to accept her for who she was and tiptoe around her

feelings, but we were never accepted for who we were or

respected/validated in any way.

It's interesting how being treated this way made a lot of us

creative people!

> >> > I was always labeled by my Nada as being withdrawn,

painfully shy, > > introverted, drama queen, overly sensitive etc.

She use to comment > > on how I noticed the slighted smell and

almost started throwing up > > if it was awful. I began to see some

of these same qualities in my > > child when I was first introduced

to the concept of being a Highly > > Sensitive Person. Here are the

characteristics associated with > being > > Highly Sensitive and I

was wondering if other KO's also have these > > characteristics?> >

> > You, have a heightened awareness of subtleties in your >

environment, > > whether it's sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell.

> > > > You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and

may > find > > it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room,

to seek > > solitude, relief and comfort. > > > > You are very

conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may > > become

uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being > >

closely watched or scrutinized. > > > > You feel compelled to file

and organize things and thoughts, also > > enjoy simplicity and may

become overwhelmed or even immobilized by > > chaos, clutter, or

stress. > > > > You are very uncomfortable when feeling things are

getting out of > > your control. > > > > You get a sense of comfort

and well being when around a lake, > river, > > stream, the ocean,

or even a fountain. > > > > You experience mood swings, sometimes

occurring almost instantly > and > > can also be affected by other

people's moods, emotions and > problems. > > > > You have a deep,

rich, inner life, are very spiritual and may also > > frequently

have vivid dreams, and possibly nightmares. > > > > You are very

intuitive and you feel that you can usually sense if > > someone

isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong. > > > > You

get concerned and worry about many things, and have also been > >

told " you take things too personally. " > > > > You have had the

experience of " cutting people out " of your life. > > > > You were

considered quiet, introverted, timid, or shy as a child. > > > >

Here are a few more to consider... Can be startled easily. >

Cautious > > in new situations. May have trouble sleeping. Extra

sensitive to > > pain. Don't like crowds. Avoids violent movies and

TV shows. Has a > > deep respect and appreciation of nature, music

and art. > > > > Do some, or many, of these statements ring true for

you, your > > partner, or someone important in your life? If so, you

or they may > > be a highly sensitive person or " HSP. " > > > >

Kelley> >>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> The best games are on Xbox 360. Click here for a special offer on

an Xbox 360 Console.

> http://www.xbox.com/en-US/hardware/wheretobuy/

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kelley,

Wow, you've already got lots of responses. I'd say I own lots of those

traits.

Also, I am extremely annoyed by the sound of other people eating.

There are lots of us out there--though I only realized it after a

google search ;-) And I hate the feel of terrycloth and certain other

fabrics on my hands.

Very interesting topic.

[Guest guest]

Mini-Me is a concept that strikes a chord! My BPD FADA-in-law was a

huge, loud-mouthed marine who was abandoned as a baby. Naturally,

without parents and counseling, he grew up a severely wounded

creature. After having children, he forced my H as a young child to

physcially fight mean boys in the neighborhood. At 4 years old, my H

shouldn't have been outside playing unsupervised at all, but his waif

mom didn't care so long as he was not demanding her attention...

once outside in the city, he was eaten up by bullies and would come

home in tears. His FADA's response was to force him to fight. He

was too afraid, naturally, at four years old... DUH! Consequently,

this brilliant man came up with the perfect remedy: he forced his

child to wear his mother's frilly nightgown and parade outside

dressed this way. He figured it would cure him of being a wimp and a

wuss. The damage was probably immeasurable, but my H ended up

becoming somewhat of a bully for most of his childhood, as well as a

homophobe and insensitive person. My H was literally 40 years old

before he realized, with the help of a good counselor, that this

strategy, which we refer to as " the dress treatment " was abusive.

My how these people screw up their children...

~Elle

> >> > I was always labeled by my Nada as being withdrawn,

painfully shy, > > introverted, drama queen, overly sensitive etc.

She use to comment > > on how I noticed the slighted smell and almost

started throwing up > > if it was awful. I began to see some of these

same qualities in my > > child when I was first introduced to the

concept of being a Highly > > Sensitive Person. Here are the

characteristics associated with > being > > Highly Sensitive and I

was wondering if other KO's also have these > > characteristics?> > >

> You, have a heightened awareness of subtleties in your >

environment, > > whether it's sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell. >

> > > You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and may

> find > > it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room, to

seek > > solitude, relief and comfort. > > > > You are very

conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may > > become

uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being > > closely

watched or scrutinized. > > > > You feel compelled to file and

organize things and thoughts, also > > enjoy simplicity and may

become overwhelmed or even immobilized by > > chaos, clutter, or

stress. > > > > You are very uncomfortable when feeling things are

getting out of > > your control. > > > > You get a sense of comfort

and well being when around a lake, > river, > > stream, the ocean, or

even a fountain. > > > > You experience mood swings, sometimes

occurring almost instantly > and > > can also be affected by other

people's moods, emotions and > problems. > > > > You have a deep,

rich, inner life, are very spiritual and may also > > frequently have

vivid dreams, and possibly nightmares. > > > > You are very intuitive

and you feel that you can usually sense if > > someone isn't telling

the truth or if something else is wrong. > > > > You get concerned

and worry about many things, and have also been > > told " you take

things too personally. " > > > > You have had the experience

of " cutting people out " of your life. > > > > You were considered

quiet, introverted, timid, or shy as a child. > > > > Here are a few

more to consider... Can be startled easily. > Cautious > > in new

situations. May have trouble sleeping. Extra sensitive to > > pain.

Don't like crowds. Avoids violent movies and TV shows. Has a > > deep

respect and appreciation of nature, music and art. > > > > Do some,

or many, of these statements ring true for you, your > > partner, or

someone important in your life? If so, you or they may > > be a

highly sensitive person or " HSP. " > > > > Kelley> >> > > > > > > >

__________________________________________________________> The best

games are on Xbox 360. Click here for a special offer on an Xbox 360

Console.> http://www.xbox.com/en-US/hardware/wheretobuy/> > [Non-text

portions of this message have been removed]>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Share life as it happens with the new Windows Live.

> http://www.windowslive.com/share.html?

ocid=TXT_TAGHM_Wave2_sharelife_012008

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lucky you.......I have 3 boys and threatin to buy one, and paint it

blue....my youngest would love it......my husband thought it was a

stupid idea, men!!!

I do however, plan to buy any future grand daughters, one or two

(one for her and one for me;0)

drlingirl

> >> > I was always labeled by my Nada as being withdrawn,

> > painfully shy, > > introverted, drama queen, overly sensitive

etc.

> > She use to comment > > on how I noticed the slighted smell and

> > almost started throwing up > > if it was awful. I began to see

some

> > of these same qualities in my > > child when I was first

introduced

> > to the concept of being a Highly > > Sensitive Person. Here are

the

> > characteristics associated with > being > > Highly Sensitive and

I

> > was wondering if other KO's also have these > > characteristics?

> >

> > > > You, have a heightened awareness of subtleties in your >

> > environment, > > whether it's sight, sound, touch, taste, or

smell.

> > > > > > You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed

and

> > may > find > > it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened

> room,

> > to seek > > solitude, relief and comfort. > > > > You are very

> > conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may > > become

> > uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being > >

> > closely watched or scrutinized. > > > > You feel compelled to

file

> > and organize things and thoughts, also > > enjoy simplicity and

may

> > become overwhelmed or even immobilized by > > chaos, clutter, or

> > stress. > > > > You are very uncomfortable when feeling things

are

> > getting out of > > your control. > > > > You get a sense of

comfort

> > and well being when around a lake, > river, > > stream, the

ocean,

> > or even a fountain. > > > > You experience mood swings,

sometimes

> > occurring almost instantly > and > > can also be affected by

other

> > people's moods, emotions and > problems. > > > > You have a

deep,

> > rich, inner life, are very spiritual and may also > > frequently

> > have vivid dreams, and possibly nightmares. > > > > You are very

> > intuitive and you feel that you can usually sense if > > someone

> > isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong. > > > >

You

> > get concerned and worry about many things, and have also been >

>

> > told " you take things too personally. " > > > > You have had the

> > experience of " cutting people out " of your life. > > > > You

were

> > considered quiet, introverted, timid, or shy as a child. > > > >

> > Here are a few more to consider... Can be startled easily. >

> > Cautious > > in new situations. May have trouble sleeping. Extra

> > sensitive to > > pain. Don't like crowds. Avoids violent movies

and

> > TV shows. Has a > > deep respect and appreciation of nature,

music

> > and art. > > > > Do some, or many, of these statements ring true

> for

> > you, your > > partner, or someone important in your life? If so,

> you

> > or they may > > be a highly sensitive person or " HSP. " > > > >

> > Kelley> >>

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

_________________________________________________________________

> > > The best games are on Xbox 360. Click here for a special

offer

> on

> > an Xbox 360 Console.

> > > http://www.xbox.com/en-US/hardware/wheretobuy/

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Random senses working overtime - fun topic! I also can't stand the

sound of other people chewing. My nada takes the biggest bites and I

swear she doesn't acually chew - she mushes and swallows. Makes me

gag. Others who actually chew loudly, though, drive me more crazy

because I can look away but still hear them.

I also hear things from a distance that others do not, but can tune

out my nada's voice like nobody's business!

I can also read people's faces very well, as well as their body

language, but am definitely better at observing than befriending. I

think this comes from the trauma of having to get a friend cleared by

my mother. I think I involuntarily decide some people aren't worth

the trauma of explaining to my mother, on the off chance they should

meet, even though obviously at 32 she knows very few of my friends at

all.

My mother, on the other hand, has this sense of smell that is

amazing. Unfortunately, she uses it for evil. She can smell a half-

full trash can and harp on my dad until he takes it out, she can

complain about the perfume and hairspray of others (thankfully

hairspray isn't used nearly as often as it used to be!!) and she can

complain about cigarette smoke, asian food, and all sorts of things

in multiple ways - but always more loudly than she thinks she is. She

does not, as it happens, have my super-hearing!

Cheryl

>

> Kelley,

>

> Wow, you've already got lots of responses. I'd say I own lots of

those

> traits.

>

> Also, I am extremely annoyed by the sound of other people eating.

> There are lots of us out there--though I only realized it after a

> google search ;-) And I hate the feel of terrycloth and certain

other

> fabrics on my hands.

>

> Very interesting topic.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OMG... my nada did the same thing to me with my best friend. Not only

that, she made me get off the phone while my friend was still *on the

other end* so she could berate me for not standing up for myself. How

did she know? Why she was listening in on my private conversation, of

course!

qwerty

>

>

> Your story sounds much like mine. I too was forced to do things I

didn't want to do i.e. call a friend who had done something mean to me

in the 8th grade and tell her what I thought while my mother stood

there telling me what to say. She still prides herself for getting me

out of my shell. I think it wasn't her abuse that made me creative but

that I was born creative and I had to put my creativity aside in order

to become who she wanted me to be as a child.

>

> Kelley

[Guest guest]

Ohmygosh, this is so weird! Is this part of growing up with a BPD? I

want to SCREAM when I hear someone chewing with his mouth open. And

when my husband eats ice cream or cereal, he clinks the side of the

bowl every time he puts his spoon in, then he clinks the spoon against

his teeth! I want to pour the stuff over his head! There cannot

possibly be anyone who makes as much noise chewing, even if his mouth

is closed. I swear I didn't notice it until after he proposed, but

after 25 years I still find it hard to tolerate.

I have a friend who not only chews with his mouth open; he moves the

food around so that everyone in the house can see what he's eating,

and his child eats just like him. I always make sure I'm not sitting

across from them, because it is like chalk on a blackboard.

And I do not have acute hearing, as a matter of fact, I have tinnitus

and hearing loss. For some reason I'm just abnormally sensitive, and

I wish that I weren't. It would make life easier.

Wisteria

> Oh, my goodness, I thought I was the only one that got

annoyed at the

> sound of people eating! Not everybody -- but certain people.

>

> Also, my skin is extremely sensitive -- Not only can I NOT wear wool,

> I am so sensitive to it that it bothers me to be with OTHER people

> wearing wool!

>

> I can't stand my hands or feet to be dried out -- I always have shoes

> on, no matter where I am. Even if it's just flip flops in the house

> or at the beach, my soles are covered....

>

> I think my sensitivity is why I have an aversion to crowds, too.

>

> -Kyla

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Drives me crazy too, but not nearly as bad as it did my N-ex. I had

to feed our babies before he got home from work because he would lose

it if a 6 month old opened their mouths with food or drooled any. I

mean totally lose it.

If we didn't mind our " manners " with my Nada we'd get the back of her

hand out of the blue. Didn't take long until you learned to chew as

quietly as possible, otherwise, you wouldn't be doing much chewing

for awhile after that backhand. Plus, she'd take your food so you

couldn't finish. Punishment.

I sometimes think that my 2nd HB eats like a cow chewing it's cud.

Chips and salsa at the Mexican restaurant is painful to me. It takes

every bit of energy I have sometimes not to go ballistic over

something that really shouldn't bother me in the least.

Khris

> > Oh, my goodness, I thought I was the only one that got

> annoyed at the

> > sound of people eating! Not everybody -- but certain people.

> >

> > Also, my skin is extremely sensitive -- Not only can I NOT wear

wool,

> > I am so sensitive to it that it bothers me to be with OTHER

people

> > wearing wool!

> >

> > I can't stand my hands or feet to be dried out -- I always have

shoes

> > on, no matter where I am. Even if it's just flip flops in the

house

> > or at the beach, my soles are covered....

> >

> > I think my sensitivity is why I have an aversion to crowds, too.

> >

> > -Kyla

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

That's very interesting. Thanks for the info. And I had to copy and

paste this: http://www.hyperacusis.net and then select " three types

of sound sensitivity " .

Wisteria

>

> Since there are so many of you who experience the aversion to chewing

> sounds, here is a link to the first site I ever read about it (you

> might have to cut and paste).

>

> http://www.hyperacusis.net/hyperacusis/3+types+of+sound+sensitivity/defa

> ult.asp

>

> You can also do a web search under hyperacusis or misophonia. My own

> annoyance at these sounds seems worst when I am stressed. Most of the

> time it doesn't bother me much at all.

>

> Some scientists have hypothesised that these kinds of sensitivities: to

> sound, light, smell (I laughed when I read about Hermit sensitivity to

> smell in UBM bc my mom has always complained about smelly), etc., are

> often related to PTSD or autoimmune disorders. There have been lots of

> discussions about those things on this board.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I can't STAND the sound of people eating sometimes. It doesn't

bother me all the time, but it can drive me nuts other days. I also

can't stand the feel of stiff or " itchy " fabrics on my skin. It

drives me mad. I have eczema as well, so my hands in particular are

constantly dried out. I find it is worse when nada is bothering me

excessively.

> >

> > Kelley,

> >

> > Wow, you've already got lots of responses. I'd say I own lots of

> those

> > traits.

> >

> > Also, I am extremely annoyed by the sound of other people

eating.

> > There are lots of us out there--though I only realized it after a

> > google search ;-) And I hate the feel of terrycloth and certain

> other

> > fabrics on my hands.

> >

> > Very interesting topic.

> >

> >

> >

>