Re: new to group, book(s) question

[Guest guest]

Hey, Ron -- Welcome! Good for you for arming yourself with some

information -- You would probably benefit from reading a lot of it

yourself and then you would be a good soundboard for your son's

inevitable comments or complaints over the years. Your

understanding could then lead to HIS understanding. It's kind of a

way of taking this journey with him as much as you can, instead of

him going it alone. If you're up to speed on what he's dealing

with, you can be a sympathetic part of his life, and mitigate the

damage done by his mother.

I've heard that " The Wizard of Oz " by Eleanor Payson is good --

Also " Children of the Self-Absorbed " is a good one, although it

focuses on Narcissism, I've found that all of the personality

disorders are narcissistic in a way....

I've got an idea for you, though -- go on Amazon and do a search

on " Wizard " or " Children of the Self-Absorbed " and the " results "

page will have a long list of books on the subject. If you go into

some of those books and read the criticisms with your stepson in

mind, you'll start to form an opinion on which one might help him

most.

I remember one review in particular (sorry -- can't recall which

book at the moment), the reviewer was complaining that all the book

did was tell you how to live with the narcissist -- and the reviewer

thought " ....we shouldn't be encouraged to do that. We should just

LEAVE! " Well, obviously, your son can't exactly " leave " , so maybe

that's the very book that could help him!

Anyway -- I found reading the reviews of some of these books helped

me navigate which one fit me best. And again, I highly recommend

you keep up to speed, too. So many contributors on this board speak

fondly of people in their past who actually took the time to help

them understand that their mother or father was disordered, and that

their feelings were justified. Some of us NEVER got that, and it

hurts.

Welcome to the board, and good for you for helping your stepson.

-Kyla

, " Ron Wolf " wrote:

>

> hi,

>

> i'm the co-parent of a 21yo boy whose Mom shows a lot of BPD

traits.

> so i'm here as a proxy for my son. i hope to be able to get him to

> come here himself. its a long shot but if he does sign on then i'll

> move on out of respect for his privacy.

>

> in the meantime i'm looking for a book for my son to read to help

him

> understand and better process what is going on between him and his

> Mom. i didn't find Roth's Surviving a Borderline Parent or Lawson's

> Understanding the Borderline Mother to be very helpful. both are

> somewhat illuminating, but they both fall short of the pithy and

> immediately helpful content of Krieger's Stop Walking on

Eggshells. my

> son has limited patience for this sort of reading, i want to get

him

> something excellent. i may end up suggesting Eggshells to him even

tho

> its not directed at adult children of BPD parents.

>

> any comments or suggestions?

>

> _________Ron

>

[Guest guest]

Ooops. Once again I got a fact wrong -- I thought your stepson was

12 not 21!! Sorry! But if he's still enmeshed with his disordered

mother, my earlier post wouldn't change. That's so nice of you to

care.

-Kyla

> >

> > hi,

> >

> > i'm the co-parent of a 21yo boy whose Mom shows a lot of BPD

> traits.

> > so i'm here as a proxy for my son. i hope to be able to get him

to

> > come here himself. its a long shot but if he does sign on then

i'll

> > move on out of respect for his privacy.

> >

> > in the meantime i'm looking for a book for my son to read to

help

> him

> > understand and better process what is going on between him and

his

> > Mom. i didn't find Roth's Surviving a Borderline Parent or

Lawson's

> > Understanding the Borderline Mother to be very helpful. both are

> > somewhat illuminating, but they both fall short of the pithy and

> > immediately helpful content of Krieger's Stop Walking on

> Eggshells. my

> > son has limited patience for this sort of reading, i want to get

> him

> > something excellent. i may end up suggesting Eggshells to him

even

> tho

> > its not directed at adult children of BPD parents.

> >

> > any comments or suggestions?

> >

> > _________Ron

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Ron,

Perhaps you didn't find those books helpful because you are not a

child of a borderline parent? I think most KOs (Kids of a

borderline parent) seem to find those books even more helpful

than 'Stop Walking on Eggshells'.

I can understand your wanting to help your son, but if he isn't

ready to take in this information, you may be making the situation

more difficult. He has to want to understand and want to make

changes in himself that will improve his situation.

Good luck,

Sylvia

>

> hi,

>

> i'm the co-parent of a 21yo boy whose Mom shows a lot of BPD

traits.

> so i'm here as a proxy for my son. i hope to be able to get him to

> come here himself. its a long shot but if he does sign on then i'll

> move on out of respect for his privacy.

>

> in the meantime i'm looking for a book for my son to read to help

him

> understand and better process what is going on between him and his

> Mom. i didn't find Roth's Surviving a Borderline Parent or Lawson's

> Understanding the Borderline Mother to be very helpful. both are

> somewhat illuminating, but they both fall short of the pithy and

> immediately helpful content of Krieger's Stop Walking on

Eggshells. my

> son has limited patience for this sort of reading, i want to get

him

> something excellent. i may end up suggesting Eggshells to him even

tho

> its not directed at adult children of BPD parents.

>

> any comments or suggestions?

>

> _________Ron

>

[Guest guest]

Ron,

I'm the 20 year old daughter of a BP mom. I haven't read the other

books yet, but SWOE has helped me a LOT, even though as you said it's

not directed strictly to kids of BP parents.

What I mostly want to encourage though is you being supportive of

your son. It sounds like you're doing a great job so far, so please

keep it up. My dad has been essentially nonexistant for 7 years now,

and it has made dealing with my BP mom even more difficult. Being

the KO a BP parent is something you have to deal with for the rest of

your life, and if your son can deal with it better now, it will

greatly benefit his future, especially when he has kids of his own.

Good luck, and thank you for looking out for him.

-Tigress

>

> hi,

>

> i'm the co-parent of a 21yo boy whose Mom shows a lot of BPD traits.

> so i'm here as a proxy for my son. i hope to be able to get him to

> come here himself. its a long shot but if he does sign on then i'll

> move on out of respect for his privacy.

>

> in the meantime i'm looking for a book for my son to read to help

him

> understand and better process what is going on between him and his

> Mom. i didn't find Roth's Surviving a Borderline Parent or Lawson's

> Understanding the Borderline Mother to be very helpful. both are

> somewhat illuminating, but they both fall short of the pithy and

> immediately helpful content of Krieger's Stop Walking on Eggshells.

my

> son has limited patience for this sort of reading, i want to get him

> something excellent. i may end up suggesting Eggshells to him even

tho

> its not directed at adult children of BPD parents.

>

> any comments or suggestions?

>

> _________Ron

>