Re: Borderline parents and being compared to pets.

[Guest guest]

HAH Cats.

Last spring, i got my mom a cat. before i knew abot BPD, i thought

she was having a hard time as a parent seeing her children all grown

up, and thought that a cat would help in that it was something she

could nurture and take care of. BIG MISTAKE.

the cat was ALL she would talk about. one day she would brag about

him, how cool he was, how he can " shake " (which was total bullcrap)

and how smart he was blah blah blah. the next day she would go on

and on about how she is too sick to take care of him, how animals

are disgusting and she can't stand having one around, how dirty he

is, .....all this negative stuff. i couldn't stand it anymore. it

was driving both me and my sister insane. finally she told me she

didn't want it anymore, and it was my responsibility to get rid of

him. she started letting him outside (he would always come home to

eat). So i came over her place before i had to go to work one

morning so i could take the cat to his new home since she didn't

want it anymore. because she threw him outside, i coudln't find it.

i waited two hours for that damned cat to come inside. she left

after i got there for a dr's appt. i was late for work because i did

her dirty work. she is so unappreciative and mean.

here is the weird thing...she would actually get angry at the cat

and hold grudges against him. he would (very rarely) use the

bathroom in the house, not in in litter box. mom would punish him by

locking him in the closet, yelling at him, scorning him, just like

one of us kids when we were little. it was disgusting. she didn't

realize that a cat is an ANIMAL. i think the hard thing for her was

that the cat didn't have emotions like humans do,and the cat wasn't

a servant to her. she couldn't control him. my mother should never

have another pet. i regret getting her that stupid cat.

'

>

> > Message:

> >

> > Hello. I am new to this list and happy to be here. Like others,

hearing

> > stories that " sound like mine " is interesting. I have been aware

of my

> > mother's craziness for years (recently through the help of my

partner put

> > the borderline label on it ... he is a psychologist). In any

case, she is

> > definitely bpd and sooo many things make " sense " about my

childhood when

> > seen through the bpd lense.

> >

> > One thing I am curious about ... and it relates to bpds'

tendency to form

> > attachments (beyond the norm) with inanimate things or pets.

When I was a

> > child my nada would actually compare me to the cats. As in " Cleo

is nicer

> > than you. " " Rebel loves me more than you do! " " Cleo is a better

daughter! "

> > etc. etc. To this day when we talk, which isn't often, much of

the focus is

> > on cats and she will even try to get me to talk to my " sisters "

over the

> > phone! (I hope you are laughing as this is so ludicrous you have

to laugh.)

> > So my question: anyone else grow up being compared to pets or

have nadas or

> > fadas with pet issues?

> >

> > Peace out and happy 2008,

> > Crockett

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo! Search.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Although nada doesn't have any pets currently, she honestly (and this would

sound insane to most people but I think you all will get it!) treats our house a

second child. She purchased a lovely $1 million + 120 year old home five years

ago discusses it in personified terms, it's either " gorgeous, the pride of her

life " or it's being " difficult " when it requires new pipes, heaters, gutters

etc. She spends SOOOO much on the house and even though I understand that this

is a physical manifestation of her narcissism, I still often feel that it is my

younger, more darling sibling to her. She spends tens of thousands (of hundred

thousands this last year) on the house and has gotten into significant debt

finishing off parts of the laundry room and garage. One year, at Christmas

time, she gave me a (albeit very pretty) handsewn bookmark and that was it.

Meanwhile, she'd spent nearly $10,000 that year on sofa covers, refinished

tables, picture framing etc. I received eight

presents this year of which she kept five: a sweater, a CD, a painting, two

ornaments while the house received nearly $3,000 of holiday decorations.

Crockett wrote: Message:

Hello. I am new to this list and happy to be here. Like others, hearing stories

that " sound like mine " is interesting. I have been aware of my mother's

craziness for years (recently through the help of my partner put the borderline

label on it ... he is a psychologist). In any case, she is definitely bpd and

sooo many things make " sense " about my childhood when seen through the bpd

lense.

One thing I am curious about ... and it relates to bpds' tendency to form

attachments (beyond the norm) with inanimate things or pets. When I was a child

my nada would actually compare me to the cats. As in " Cleo is nicer than you. "

" Rebel loves me more than you do! " " Cleo is a better daughter! " etc. etc. To

this day when we talk, which isn't often, much of the focus is on cats and she

will even try to get me to talk to my " sisters " over the phone! (I hope you are

laughing as this is so ludicrous you have to laugh.) So my question: anyone else

grow up being compared to pets or have nadas or fadas with pet issues?

Peace out and happy 2008,

Crockett

---------------------------------

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Guest guest]

So funny Jae,

My nada just got a mini weaner dog this last year, and dressed it

and, walked around with it like it was a baby. She talked to him

and, was just plain sick with it.

Any ways I watched her parade that poor puppie around sucking up all

the attention she got then when people weren't looking she would

say, " people just can't stop petting my poor baby " . When she was

the one pushing it in everyones faces. It made me sick to witness.

She kept saying to my kids that it was nice to have something new to

love, and something that needed her, loved her back, blah, blah,

blah.

Now he is just a sh*ttin, p*ssing dog that is locked up in a carrier

and doesn't get to get down to play with the kids cuz he might pee.

Funny cuz I told her that they were horrible dogs to train.......she

didn't care she just wanted it because it was cute, and little.

Probably like having kids or grandkids to her.......she liked

us/them when they are babies and needed her....but grown up they are

all just a pain!!!

Yuck!!! drlingirl

>

> Nada didn't necessarily compare us to the cats in such direct

terms, but I was always jealous, even as a small child. I remember

sitting outside once and telling my kitten that I wished I was her

so nada wouldn't be cruel to me ever again. As she aged, she got

more and more attached to the animals. She got two dogs (in addition

to the four cats!) when I was around 17, and started saying things

like that they're her substitute children and they actually love her

or that they're more grateful to her and us kids were/are. Sis and I

never spoke about this, but once she 'accidentally' left the front

gate open and the dogs got out. This was very, very unlike her and

I'm certain it was subconscious expression of that jealousy. It only

took a few minutes to find the dogs. Silly things were just chasing

squirrels in the neighboring yard.

>

> And yeah, we're supposed to talk to the animals on the phone. They

don't say much...

>

>

> Jae

>

>

> Borderline parents and being compared

to pets.

>

> Message:

>

> Hello. I am new to this list and happy to be here. Like others,

hearing stories that " sound like mine " is interesting. I have been

aware of my mother's craziness for years (recently through the help

of my partner put the borderline label on it ... he is a

psychologist) . In any case, she is definitely bpd and sooo many

things make " sense " about my childhood when seen through the bpd

lense.

>

> One thing I am curious about ... and it relates to bpds' tendency

to form attachments (beyond the norm) with inanimate things or pets.

When I was a child my nada would actually compare me to the cats. As

in " Cleo is nicer than you. " " Rebel loves me more than you

do! " " Cleo is a better daughter! " etc. etc. To this day when we

talk, which isn't often, much of the focus is on cats and she will

even try to get me to talk to my " sisters " over the phone! (I hope

you are laughing as this is so ludicrous you have to laugh.) So my

question: anyone else grow up being compared to pets or have nadas

or fadas with pet issues?

>

> Peace out and happy 2008,

> Crockett

>

> ------------ --------- --------- ---

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!

Search.

>

>