Re: need your advice on breaking my NC

[Guest guest]

I feel the same way ,

My nada wrote me a letter after I asked to go NC until she quit

drinking, and got some couseling. She wrote back and said I had to

accept her as she accepted her mother, blah, blah, blah.

Christmas was very quiet although she did call and talked to my

husband (I handed him he phone as he was the closest) and kids. She

didn't ask about me......only told my kids to make arrangement to

pick up their gifts (which is a joke, who leaves it up to kids to

make the arrangements???).

I know if she was in threat of NC with my enmeshed sister, she

wouldn't have let a day go by without saying sorry, or doing back

flips to make it better. But because it is me.....no way. Which

only says to me that my feelings are correct. That I am RIGHT about

the way I feel and the way she makes me feel.

How she ever thought she could treat me one way, and my stupid

sister another and me never question it??? It used to work

though....I would confront her.....she would call me selfish " you

sister isn't married " " your sister doesn't have any money " " your

sister is alone " blah, blah, blah.

She never could just throw me a bone once in a while. It just so

twisted since her own mother did the same to her, and I had to hear

about it over, and over, and over, as a kid. She is just repeating

her past with me......and I am not falling for it!!! She can't have

her cake and eat it too!!!

NC is hard but it is worth it!!! drlingirl

>

> Sara Jo,

>

> I can relate to what you're saying about how you feel you don't

have

> a grip on anything. I went NC just a couple of weeks before you

did

> & although I didn't miss having nada around for t-day & xmas, it

> started to bug me that she didn't even try to cause a problem over

> the holidays, which I had honestly expected her to do. (Everyone

> else's nada seems to...!) Calling, crying, pouting, making a

scene

> is at least some kind of reaction. What I don't get about myself

is

> that most holidays I was just her backup plan, her " ace in the

> hole " . I always had to work any celebration with her around her

> primary plan, to be with her nephew (whom she always called an

ass)

> or a friend or my ex-sister-in-law's family. Anyone BUT me. And

in

> fact, daughter, gbabies & I had a warm, beautiful stress-free

> Christmas without her.

>

> Her craziness was the most constant thing in my life since the

> beginning & I think I'm starting to feel a little disoriented

without

> it.

>

> I had starting reading Surviving a Borderline Parent mid-December

but

> began to feel so distressed I stopped reading (for now). I didn't

> know if I wanted to cry, throw the book through the window, or

just

> pull the covers over my head. Even though they are helpful as a

> whole, I didn't even read any posts for a few weeks. I just

couldn't

> handle it.

>

> Before going NC I wrote and sent nada a one-page letter, and I

find

> that reading the copy of it I saved on my computer soothes me. I

> don't know why - maybe it just affirms my decision? Or is it just

the

> last twisted connection to " mom " ?

>

> If you're interested in the letter, email me offline & I'll send

it

> to you. You really sound like you're doing great though.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So true about the justifying their favoring of one sibling over

another! My dad talks to my brother daily, and when he realizes

that I might notice, he says " Well, I feel like I should help him

and make sure he's doing well..... " As if to say " If you

don't 'need' me, I'm not sure how to relate to you. " The fact that

he jumps in to justify it tells you he knows it looks bad.

> >

> > Sara Jo,

> >

> > I can relate to what you're saying about how you feel you don't

> have

> > a grip on anything. I went NC just a couple of weeks before you

> did

> > & although I didn't miss having nada around for t-day & xmas, it

> > started to bug me that she didn't even try to cause a problem

over

> > the holidays, which I had honestly expected her to do.

(Everyone

> > else's nada seems to...!) Calling, crying, pouting, making a

> scene

> > is at least some kind of reaction. What I don't get about

myself

> is

> > that most holidays I was just her backup plan, her " ace in the

> > hole " . I always had to work any celebration with her around her

> > primary plan, to be with her nephew (whom she always called an

> ass)

> > or a friend or my ex-sister-in-law's family. Anyone BUT me.

And

> in

> > fact, daughter, gbabies & I had a warm, beautiful stress-free

> > Christmas without her.

> >

> > Her craziness was the most constant thing in my life since the

> > beginning & I think I'm starting to feel a little disoriented

> without

> > it.

> >

> > I had starting reading Surviving a Borderline Parent mid-

December

> but

> > began to feel so distressed I stopped reading (for now). I

didn't

> > know if I wanted to cry, throw the book through the window, or

> just

> > pull the covers over my head. Even though they are helpful as a

> > whole, I didn't even read any posts for a few weeks. I just

> couldn't

> > handle it.

> >

> > Before going NC I wrote and sent nada a one-page letter, and I

> find

> > that reading the copy of it I saved on my computer soothes me.

I

> > don't know why - maybe it just affirms my decision? Or is it

just

> the

> > last twisted connection to " mom " ?

> >

> > If you're interested in the letter, email me offline & I'll send

> it

> > to you. You really sound like you're doing great though.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It's funny too that when my bro went NC she called him, me, God, man &

everyone, crying, going to his house repeatedly, haranguing him until

he finally had to call the police and threaten to have her arrested if

she didn't leave, or if she returned again.

But when I go NC? Nothing.

Also funny that you were " selfish " when you confronted her over being

treated differently because your sister isn't married, doesn't have

kids, lives alone, etc. I was " selfish " when I confronted nada over

being treated differently because I WASN'T married, DIDN'T have kids at

home, lived alone, etc. (and therefore had all the time in the world to

spend on her).

You're SO right about being right!

[Guest guest]

Makes me sick!!!

My sister has teeth that are in abvious need of work and our nada

has the money to fix it, but she chooses to ignore it. Although she

buys sister stupid crap to fill her shelves with. Who needs

trinkets when their teeth are in desperate need of work???

I can't help sister with her teeth. I can't afford it. Even if I

could, I would probably have a hard time doing this because it only

enables her. She get taxes back every year with more than enough to

fix her teeth, but instead chooses to go on a spending spree. I

think, she thinks, mom and dad should pay for her teeth so she can

spend her money on other stuff.

Neither one of my parents are blind, they can see her teeth.....they

let her bully them, they feed her, let her drink all their booze,

free of charge, act out badly, pay her bills when needed, bail her

out, let her move in and out of their home, but they let her teeth

go??? Its crazy!!!

Its like they can't stand up to her......but enable her never the

less.

Urgh.......drlingirl

> > >

> > > Sara Jo,

> > >

> > > I can relate to what you're saying about how you feel you

don't

> > have

> > > a grip on anything. I went NC just a couple of weeks before

you

> > did

> > > & although I didn't miss having nada around for t-day & xmas,

it

> > > started to bug me that she didn't even try to cause a problem

> over

> > > the holidays, which I had honestly expected her to do.

> (Everyone

> > > else's nada seems to...!) Calling, crying, pouting, making a

> > scene

> > > is at least some kind of reaction. What I don't get about

> myself

> > is

> > > that most holidays I was just her backup plan, her " ace in the

> > > hole " . I always had to work any celebration with her around

her

> > > primary plan, to be with her nephew (whom she always called an

> > ass)

> > > or a friend or my ex-sister-in-law's family. Anyone BUT me.

> And

> > in

> > > fact, daughter, gbabies & I had a warm, beautiful stress-free

> > > Christmas without her.

> > >

> > > Her craziness was the most constant thing in my life since the

> > > beginning & I think I'm starting to feel a little disoriented

> > without

> > > it.

> > >

> > > I had starting reading Surviving a Borderline Parent mid-

> December

> > but

> > > began to feel so distressed I stopped reading (for now). I

> didn't

> > > know if I wanted to cry, throw the book through the window, or

> > just

> > > pull the covers over my head. Even though they are helpful as

a

> > > whole, I didn't even read any posts for a few weeks. I just

> > couldn't

> > > handle it.

> > >

> > > Before going NC I wrote and sent nada a one-page letter, and I

> > find

> > > that reading the copy of it I saved on my computer soothes

me.

> I

> > > don't know why - maybe it just affirms my decision? Or is it

> just

> > the

> > > last twisted connection to " mom " ?

> > >

> > > If you're interested in the letter, email me offline & I'll

send

> > it

> > > to you. You really sound like you're doing great though.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

<<<You're SO right about being right!>>>

I LOVE IT!!! Thanks !!!

My sister thinks because she isn't married, and has lived so close

(if not in nadas house) and is, and has had to take the brunt of

nada's sh*t that she deserves the better treatment, and all the

perks!!! She also feels no guilt about all the hand outs, and free

bee's. Sister dear makes me sick......she lives her life with her

hand out 24/7. I bet she sleeps with her hand out too ;0)

Sister has had the power to leave all along, and to her credit, she

tried 2 times. She chooses to be a stones throw away from

nada....its convenient when she wants to get her buzz on, or is

hungry, or needs a bill paid. Its funny she swears she is never at

nada's, that she is detached.....when my niece is always online at

grandmas with me, or my kids, chatting, telling me that she wants to

go home, but her mother won't leave. Makes me sick that she is

raising my niece in that enviroment.

Have I mentioned I am 99.99% sure my sis has BP too??? So I get a

two-fer.....lucky me!!!

drlingirl

>

> It's funny too that when my bro went NC she called him, me, God,

man &

> everyone, crying, going to his house repeatedly, haranguing him

until

> he finally had to call the police and threaten to have her

arrested if

> she didn't leave, or if she returned again.

>

> But when I go NC? Nothing.

>

> Also funny that you were " selfish " when you confronted her over

being

> treated differently because your sister isn't married, doesn't

have

> kids, lives alone, etc. I was " selfish " when I confronted nada

over

> being treated differently because I WASN'T married, DIDN'T have

kids at

> home, lived alone, etc. (and therefore had all the time in the

world to

> spend on her).

>

> You're SO right about being right!

>

>

>