Re: Re: Feelings/ productive laughter

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I've really enjoyed the recent thread about laughter--I've often found it the

best (and not at all unhealthy) way to deal with my nada's absurd tantrums,

accusations and requests. When I was leaving the other morning, she threw a

completely predictable fit just before I walked out the door--she's always done

that, even since I was seven and leaving for camp!, It's her pre-emptive way of

hurting me before I can abandon her--and she barricaded herself against the door

and insisted I eat breakfast with her and stepdad. I was running late to pick

up a friend who was accompanying me on my drive home and Nada had deliberately

let me oversleep, she'd said she would wake me up an hour earlier than she did,

so I was frantically packing and collecting gifts etc. I made the mistake of

letting it slip that I was planning to have breakfast with my friend and her

father before leaving town and she flipped out. She stood, blocking the door,

and said in her low, scary voice (almost as

awful as her shouting!) " We need five good minutes of family time before you

leave. The least you can do is eat with us, your family, and you can call your

friend and tell her to skip you for breakfast. " At that point, I'd had it with

being controlled, entirely, for the previous seven days, so I looked at her

calmly and said " Mom, I feel like you're not listening to my needs, my friend is

waiting, I'm already very late, I need to go. I love you and thank you for the

suggestion, it would be nice, but I need to go now. " Stepdad felt endebted to

me for having stuck up for him all week so he foolishly rushed to my aid to try

to defend me, she started screaming at us both, began crying, claimed she was

afraid it was the last time she was ever going to see me (she had a routine

calcium deposit removed from her breast last week and is convinced it's cancer)

and practically forced me to sit down at the kitchen table. Anyway, I'm getting

too detailed, you can all imagine the

rest but the ultimatum at breakfast ended up being: if I didn't eat my (burnt)

toast, she wouldn't buy my boyfriend a Christmas gift (she'd promised to send it

up belatedly--his parents bought me a $300 art course + materials).

On the drive to my friend's house, I called another friend who is well versed

in nada's insanity and said " My boyfriend's not getting a gift from mom now

because I wouldn't eat toast. " We laughed and laughed and it really helped.

Nada's chaos and emptiness can feel so terrifying but as soon as I laugh, I

really do feel better. It's like laughing at the boggarts in Harry Potter:)

Mike and Cheryl wrote:

L,

Yes, I laugh a lot also. I have a stressful life in many ways, and

the way I get rid of a lot of it is through laughter. However, there

are times when I should probably cry when I feel numb instead. Our

motions aren't normal a lot of the time, and yes, I once cried more

to my therapist than anyone else.

I also see that I now have more honest talks with my hubby about how

I am feeling, why I am short-tempered or down on myself, and so on.

I can see that this is major progress - talking to my husband

relieves a lot of the stress, and I am less of a mystery to him if I

say, " I'm feeling down on myself because the house is a mess and I

have no more energy left to clean today. It's making me grumpy. "

The mood tends to dissipate if I talk about it and we usually are

laughing by the end of a quick talk.

> > >

> > > Yes! Exactly! You are not alone. Early on in my therapy, my

therapist

> > > asked me when the last time I cried was. I was sobbing at the

time. I

> > > couldn't answer her, because I have been stifiling my tears

since I

> > > can remember. She actually recommended making myself cry every

now

> > > and then to get the stress out, but I have never been able to

make

> > > that happen. Over time I am beter about crying when I feel

it.

> > > Saying I love you is my sticky one. I can say it to my hubby

and

> > > kids and that's about it!

> > >

> > > Cheryl

> > >

> >

>

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