Guest guest Posted January 5, 2008 Report Share Posted January 5, 2008 I see that guilt is a common theme here. I find myself crippled by it at times, feeling so sorry for my pitiful, helpless, ragingly mean Nada. She is a hermit all the time, and acts like a witch/waif combo, rapidly back and forth. Her " fits " - ranting and raving for hours and hours from when I was a small child - consisted of screaming about how awful her life had been, how bad her husband was (my father), etc., in a rage, then crying in between. She also frequently threatened to leave (which I encouraged her to do several times as I grew older), threatened to kill herself (no attempts), threatened to kill all of us. What keeps me from going NC altogether is the guilt. When I moved to North Carolina from Ky in March 07 (2 mos after my father's death), largely in an effort to distance myself from her, the guilt was so overwhelming that I really thought I was going crazy. I guess my question is this: how can I feel such strong guilt for someone I don't love? I'm thinking it has to do with something which was programmed in from a young child. I have ordered several books, hoping there is some info on guilt in them. Joanna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2008 Report Share Posted January 5, 2008 I think the guilt comes in part from societal expectations that we should forever pay homage to our parents, and in part from our parents themselves, who seize any opportunity to point out what we " should " be doing or not be doing. I think another part of the guilt is our ongoing hope that there may be something salvagable, something that will finally turn on the lightbulb in our parents' heads and lead to a meaningful relationship. I have to keep reminding myself that it doesn't exist. There will be no meaningful relationship. It actually does help to alleviate some of the guilt, because why would you invest so much time and energy into something that will never come to pass? > > I see that guilt is a common theme here. I find myself crippled by it > at times, feeling so sorry for my pitiful, helpless, ragingly mean > Nada. She is a hermit all the time, and acts like a witch/waif combo, > rapidly back and forth. Her " fits " - ranting and raving for hours and > hours from when I was a small child - consisted of screaming about how > awful her life had been, how bad her husband was (my father), etc., in > a rage, then crying in between. She also frequently threatened to > leave (which I encouraged her to do several times as I grew older), > threatened to kill herself (no attempts), threatened to kill all of us. > > What keeps me from going NC altogether is the guilt. When I moved to > North Carolina from Ky in March 07 (2 mos after my father's death), > largely in an effort to distance myself from her, the guilt was so > overwhelming that I really thought I was going crazy. > > I guess my question is this: how can I feel such strong guilt for > someone I don't love? I'm thinking it has to do with something which > was programmed in from a young child. > I have ordered several books, hoping there is some info on guilt in > them. > > Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2008 Report Share Posted January 5, 2008 I have the same problem, although it has gotten better in the past year. Nada lives a 3 hr plane ride away and she used to be able to guilt me into visiting a couple of times a year. It takes me so long to recover from these trips that I finally put an end to going when she demands. I still feel guilty but I feel proud for putting myself first so it doesn't hurt so bad. > > I see that guilt is a common theme here. I find myself crippled by it > at times, feeling so sorry for my pitiful, helpless, ragingly mean > Nada. She is a hermit all the time, and acts like a witch/waif combo, > rapidly back and forth. Her " fits " - ranting and raving for hours and > hours from when I was a small child - consisted of screaming about how > awful her life had been, how bad her husband was (my father), etc., in > a rage, then crying in between. She also frequently threatened to > leave (which I encouraged her to do several times as I grew older), > threatened to kill herself (no attempts), threatened to kill all of us. > > What keeps me from going NC altogether is the guilt. When I moved to > North Carolina from Ky in March 07 (2 mos after my father's death), > largely in an effort to distance myself from her, the guilt was so > overwhelming that I really thought I was going crazy. > > I guess my question is this: how can I feel such strong guilt for > someone I don't love? I'm thinking it has to do with something which > was programmed in from a young child. > I have ordered several books, hoping there is some info on guilt in > them. > > Joanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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