Re: Re: Is your BPD flaky?

May 18, 2008

Hah! Awesome example! Knowing that we aren't the only ones dealing with

flake is nice.

Amy

Re: Is your BPD flaky?

Typical conversation with my mom (before the NC)

She: Where should we go for lunch?

Me: I'd like to try that new sushi place.

She: Oh, but Taco 's is good.

Me (knowing better than to argue): Okay, we could go there.

She: Or you know, I heard Grampies serves great cinnamon rolls.

Me: Fine, whatever, let's go.

She: But I suppose cinnamon rolls wouldn't be good for my diabetes…

Me: Probably not.

She: And tacos would give me heartburn….

Me: Okay.

She: Let's just go to Mcs.

Me: Okay.

She: Should we? Should we just go to Mcs?

Me: Fine.

She: They have these new salads there. They have apples and

walnuts on them.

Me: Okay.

She: You like apples, don't you?

Me: Sure.

She: Let's go there! We'll go to Mcs! Just you and me, and

we can visit like old birds!

Me: Okay, fine.

[later, in the car…]

She: Oh look! It's that new steakhouse!

Me: Yep.

She: I've been meaning to try it!

Me: Okay.

She: Should we go there instead?

Me: Well, I'm a vegetarian, and they usually don't have much for

vegetarians at a steak joint.

She: You can get the salad. And a baked potato! Oh, let's go

there!

[later, in the restaurant, as I'm brooding over a small iceberg

lettuce salad and a dry baked potato]

She: Isn't this great! Look how thick my steak is! I'm so glad

they brought this place to town! We should do this again soon!

Me: Ugggghhh……

>

> Is anyone else's Nada flaky? I don't mean occassionally flaky,

but like do they just " don't know what to do! " with any small

decision? Picking a restaurant, which milk to buy, how to use the

intarweb... moving a chair ( " oh we need a man to do that " ).

> For example, my Nada can't make a simple decision of where to go

for lunch. She lives in a very nice college town but when my fiance

and I came to visit last year I said to her " why don't you pick a

restaurant over near ___ and we'll just go there for lunch? "

> Nada: " oh I don't know if any restaurants near ___. I don't know

where we'd eat. " Keep in mind this area is ALL restaurants. This

went on for days. She couldn't decide where we'd go, etc. She just

kept saying she didn't know, " I don't know... hmmm I really don't

know. " So finally when we went to visit her we picked her up drove

to the area in question and found a great little bistro.

> Nada: " oh this was so much fun! What a nice restaurant! My eggs

are SO good! " (wash, rinse, repeat like 5 times.)

> Seriously, I just wanted to smack her if she didn't shut up about

how great the restaurant was. She OVER compensates for stuff like

that and it drives me bonkers. She acts like she never gets out.

In hindsite, maybe she doesn't.

> Anyway, the flaky just annoys the crap out of me and I thought I'd

see if anyone else had the same experience.

> She also just bought a computer in the last year. Now she knows

how to check websites and send emails but she swears up & down that

she's helpless and can't do it..

> Now I will lean on folks if I need to. I'm short so I can't reach

the pepper on the top shelf, but if my fiance isn't around or if

he's busy (or chilling on the couch) I'm going to get a chair. Do

you get my drift?

> Anyone else have the same experience with their " helpless!! " nada?

> Amy

>

May 18, 2008

Hah! A penis!!!! RUUUUUUUN!! aaaahhhhhh!!! ;-)

Amy

Re: Is your BPD flaky?

Oh.Dear.God. I thought I had the only nada who did that. I learned a

long time ago if I pick the restaurant, I'm personally held

responsible for the rude waiter (only to her), bad food (only hers),

and various digestive complaints for up to 3 weeks afterwards. I once

was blamed because we went to a restaurant she chose and she got

mixed up and went into the Men's room instead of the Ladies' room and

saw some man's penis. That was MY fault. LOL

Nada's Day and her birthday were always the worst. It always ended in

tears, with her sobbing that the waiter treated her like dirt, we

shouldn't go out on Mother's Day because it's always too crowded (so

one year I took her out the day before, and she pouted that I didn't

take her out ON Mother's Day)...

> >

> > Is anyone else's Nada flaky? I don't mean occassionally flaky,

> but like do they just " don't know what to do! " with any small

> decision? Picking a restaurant, which milk to buy, how to use the

> intarweb... moving a chair ( " oh we need a man to do that " ).

> > For example, my Nada can't make a simple decision of where to go

> for lunch. She lives in a very nice college town but when my

fiance

> and I came to visit last year I said to her " why don't you pick a

> restaurant over near ___ and we'll just go there for lunch? "

> > Nada: " oh I don't know if any restaurants near ___. I don't

know

> where we'd eat. " Keep in mind this area is ALL restaurants. This

> went on for days. She couldn't decide where we'd go, etc. She

just

> kept saying she didn't know, " I don't know... hmmm I really don't

> know. " So finally when we went to visit her we picked her up drove

> to the area in question and found a great little bistro.

> > Nada: " oh this was so much fun! What a nice restaurant! My eggs

> are SO good! " (wash, rinse, repeat like 5 times.)

> > Seriously, I just wanted to smack her if she didn't shut up about

> how great the restaurant was. She OVER compensates for stuff like

> that and it drives me bonkers. She acts like she never gets out.

> In hindsite, maybe she doesn't.

> > Anyway, the flaky just annoys the crap out of me and I thought

I'd

> see if anyone else had the same experience.

> > She also just bought a computer in the last year. Now she knows

> how to check websites and send emails but she swears up & down that

> she's helpless and can't do it.

> > Now I will lean on folks if I need to. I'm short so I can't

reach

> the pepper on the top shelf, but if my fiance isn't around or if

> he's busy (or chilling on the couch) I'm going to get a chair. Do

> you get my drift?

> > Anyone else have the same experience with their " helpless!! " nada?

> > Amy

> >

May 18, 2008

Gosh I was ugly. And you know what? It didn't have to be that way. Sure we all

go through some teen drama with our looks but I didn't have to look like THAT!

She'd insist I not cut my hair shorter - but then the haircuts she'd let me get

(the few I had - I *never* went and got my hair cut on a regular basis... maybe

once a year. I have really long curly hair - or I did.) were *horrible*!!!!! I

mean, think long mullet-thing. It was awful. My middle & highschool pictures

(the few that still exist) are just... the worst ever.

And now? I'm hot. ;-) I might be fluffy but damnit I'm hot.

Amy

Re: Re: Is your BPD flaky?

Oh no!!!! Don't think that. I was quoting from another thread we had going.

Most of us survivors were told we were ugly, not allowed to use the shower,

had our hair hacked off, pulled or ripped out, had our developing bodies

mocked, not allowed to use the washing machine. The list goes on and on and

on of what our BPD nada's did to keep us from looking attractive. I'd say

once a week shower/hair washing and timing the amount of time you could use

a hair dryer is appearance abuse, that's the term we came up with for it..

I'm empathizing, not mocking. My time with the hairdryer wasn't timed but I

was sure an unattractive kid. A lot of us on this board never heard a single

positive comment about how we looked until well into our adult years. You

are not alone. Hugs, girlscout

>

> Thanks for your reply. I'm probably being paranoid but your comment

> re " appearance abuse " feels a bit like you're making fun of me. If

> this is not the case, then i'm sorry for mentioning it, but my Mum

> always took the mickey out of me and put me down in front of others,

> so i'm hypersensitive to it!

>

> Regards,

> Jeanette-- In

WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>,

> " Girlscout Cowboy "

> wrote:

> >

> > Wow, that's crazy - 10 min with the hair dryer. Sounds like

> apearance abuse.

> >

> > I'm glad for this thread! I'd forgotten how weird my mom was with

> money. She

> > only got paid one time per month and so if you needed something at

> the end

> > of the month, all she would have was change. Mom, we are going to

> need to

> > pay $5 to park at the blah blah. Well, I have some change. And then

> little

> > girlscout would go get her allowance money and pay for nada's

> parking.

> >

> > >

> > > -I just read your email re: your mum and coupons. My mum never

> > > minded going to nice restaurants if we were paying (i've been NC

> for

> > > 18 months now) - but she took a similar view to yours if asked to

> pay

> > > for anything.

> > >

> > > We went to the solicitor after my Dad died for my Mum to change

> her

> > > will and when she received a bill from the solicitor afterwards

> she

> > > was very angry. I said we'd pay it for her but she replied in an

> > > enraged tone " it's not the money it's the principle " .

> > >

> > > She used to turn off my clock radio during the day when I was

> living

> > > at home as keeping it plugged in " cost money " . I was also expected

> > > to turn off a light IMMEDIATELY i left the room - even if i'd just

> > > nipped out to get something! And I could only bath and wash my

> hair

> > > once a week because it " cost money " . I could only use the

> hairdryer

> > > for 10 minutes as well. This all drove me mad and even though it

> was

> > > many years ago now it still hurts.

> > >

> > > Did anyone else experience this sort of thing?

> > >

> > > Best wishes, Jeanie-- In

> > >

WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com><WTOAdultC\

hildren1%

> 40yahoogroups.com>,

> > > " overtheborder1st "

> > > <overtheborder1st@> wrote:

> > > >

> > > > Mine has this thing about coupons. We must use a coupon or we

> > > can't

> > > > go there. For her M-day meal we offerred to take her to a

> > > reasonable

> > > > buffet that she enjoys. She was kind of weird but said ok. When

> I

> > > > called the day before to set times she says well I don't have

> any

> > > > coupons for that buffet (in a nasty tone) (We were paying any

> > > way).

> > > > I think we should go to subway and goes on to tell me about the

> > > deals

> > > > on these meat subs that we could share...we are all

> vegetarians. I

> > > > am silent she finally says do you like subway...I say " well no

> not

> > > > really why don't we just go to the buffet we are fine with the

> > > > cost. " " She goes crazy yelling absolutely not no way " so I say

> ok

> > > we

> > > > will just cook for you then. " fine if thats what YOU want " geez

> > > > we cooked and that was that. what on earth????

> > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Is anyone else's Nada flaky? I don't mean occassionally

> > > > flaky,

> > > > > > > but like do they just " don't know what to do! " with any

> small

> > > > > > > decision? Picking a restaurant, which milk to buy, how to

> > > use

> > > > > the

> > > > > > > intarweb... moving a chair ( " oh we need a man to do

> that " ).

> > > > > > > > For example, my Nada can't make a simple decision of

> where

> > > to

> > > > > go

> > > > > > > for lunch. She lives in a very nice college town but

> when my

> > > > > > fiance

> > > > > > > and I came to visit last year I said to her " why don't you

> > > pick

> > > > a

> > > > > > > restaurant over near ___ and we'll just go there for

> lunch? "

> > > > > > > > Nada: " oh I don't know if any restaurants near ___. I

> > > don't

> > > > > > know

> > > > > > > where we'd eat. " Keep in mind this area is ALL

> restaurants.

> > > > > This

> > > > > > > went on for days. She couldn't decide where we'd go, etc.

> > > She

> > > > > > just

> > > > > > > kept saying she didn't know, " I don't know... hmmm I

> really

> > > > don't

> > > > > > > know. " So finally when we went to visit her we picked

> her up

> > > > > drove

> > > > > > > to the area in question and found a great little bistro.

> > > > > > > > Nada: " oh this was so much fun! What a nice

> restaurant! My

> > > > > eggs

> > > > > > > are SO good! " (wash, rinse, repeat like 5 times.)

> > > > > > > > Seriously, I just wanted to smack her if she didn't

> shut up

> > > > > about

> > > > > > > how great the restaurant was. She OVER compensates for

> stuff

> > > > > like

> > > > > > > that and it drives me bonkers. She acts like she never

> gets

> > > > > out.

> > > > > > > In hindsite, maybe she doesn't.

> > > > > > > > Anyway, the flaky just annoys the crap out of me and I

> > > > thought

> > > > > > I'd

> > > > > > > see if anyone else had the same experience.

> > > > > > > > She also just bought a computer in the last year. Now

> she

> > > > > knows

> > > > > > > how to check websites and send emails but she swears up &

> > > down

> > > > > that

> > > > > > > she's helpless and can't do it.

> > > > > > > > Now I will lean on folks if I need to. I'm short so I

> > > can't

> > > > > > reach

> > > > > > > the pepper on the top shelf, but if my fiance isn't

> around or

> > > > if

> > > > > > > he's busy (or chilling on the couch) I'm going to get a

> > > chair.

> > > > > Do

> > > > > > > you get my drift?

> > > > > > > > Anyone else have the same experience with

> > > their " helpless!! "

> > > > > nada?

> > > > > > > > Amy

> > > > > > > >

May 18, 2008

Interesting about showering every day. I wonder if that's why I do it to? I

never thought of it! But I'm always jealous of the folks who can run to work in

the morning and not take a shower. I *have* to wash my hair but I have friends

who's hair looks better if they don't. I also have a lot of friends who blow

dry their hair and I *NEVER* do. I only bought a hair dryer a few years ago -

it's virtually untouched. I'm pretty sure that's because mom used to rip the

knots out my hair, dry it and then make me brush it so it looked like a fro.

She'll still say " you need to brush your hair " . " mom, I haven't brushed my hair

in 10 years, my hair type doesn't work if you brush it. " I've been picking it

out since I was 17!! I'm 34!!! She hasn't noticed that I never brush my

hair??? Sheesh.

Amy

Re: Is your BPD flaky?

Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that this shower/appearance thing came up! I

rarely post here, but this one caught my attention. I realized

recently that I really think I have a NEED to take long showers every

day, and I realized a while ago that it was because I was only allowed

to bathe every 3 or 4 days, and I always had to ask permission. I

don't remember being told that it was because of money; just that my

mother and sister both had to bathe, and that there just wasn't time

for me too. I didn't realize it at the time, but I always felt dirty

and really bad about my appearance. My mother always told me I was fat

and ugly, which certainly didn't help . . . I didn't realize that it

was OK to bathe every day until college. And now I seriously refuse to

go out without a shower; I have to admit I kind of envy my friends who

can run out the door and be OK with coming home in the afternoon and

showering then. Anyway, thanks for letting me share about this! ~

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Is anyone else's Nada flaky? I don't mean occassionally

> > > > > flaky,

> > > > > > > > but like do they just " don't know what to do! " with any

> > small

> > > > > > > > decision? Picking a restaurant, which milk to buy, how to

> > > > use

> > > > > > the

> > > > > > > > intarweb... moving a chair ( " oh we need a man to do

> > that " ).

> > > > > > > > > For example, my Nada can't make a simple decision of

> > where

> > > > to

> > > > > > go

> > > > > > > > for lunch. She lives in a very nice college town but

> > when my

> > > > > > > fiance

> > > > > > > > and I came to visit last year I said to her " why don't you

> > > > pick

> > > > > a

> > > > > > > > restaurant over near ___ and we'll just go there for

> > lunch? "

> > > > > > > > > Nada: " oh I don't know if any restaurants near ___. I

> > > > don't

> > > > > > > know

> > > > > > > > where we'd eat. " Keep in mind this area is ALL

> > restaurants.

> > > > > > This

> > > > > > > > went on for days. She couldn't decide where we'd go, etc.

> > > > She

> > > > > > > just

> > > > > > > > kept saying she didn't know, " I don't know... hmmm I

> > really

> > > > > don't

> > > > > > > > know. " So finally when we went to visit her we picked

> > her up

> > > > > > drove

> > > > > > > > to the area in question and found a great little bistro.

> > > > > > > > > Nada: " oh this was so much fun! What a nice

> > restaurant! My

> > > > > > eggs

> > > > > > > > are SO good! " (wash, rinse, repeat like 5 times.)

> > > > > > > > > Seriously, I just wanted to smack her if she didn't

> > shut up

> > > > > > about

> > > > > > > > how great the restaurant was. She OVER compensates for

> > stuff

> > > > > > like

> > > > > > > > that and it drives me bonkers. She acts like she never

> > gets

> > > > > > out.

> > > > > > > > In hindsite, maybe she doesn't.

> > > > > > > > > Anyway, the flaky just annoys the crap out of me and I

> > > > > thought

> > > > > > > I'd

> > > > > > > > see if anyone else had the same experience.

> > > > > > > > > She also just bought a computer in the last year. Now

> > she

> > > > > > knows

> > > > > > > > how to check websites and send emails but she swears up &

> > > > down

> > > > > > that

> > > > > > > > she's helpless and can't do it.

> > > > > > > > > Now I will lean on folks if I need to. I'm short so I

> > > > can't

> > > > > > > reach

> > > > > > > > the pepper on the top shelf, but if my fiance isn't

> > around or

> > > > > if

> > > > > > > > he's busy (or chilling on the couch) I'm going to get a

> > > > chair.

> > > > > > Do

> > > > > > > > you get my drift?

> > > > > > > > > Anyone else have the same experience with

> > > > their " helpless!! "

> > > > > > nada?

> > > > > > > > > Amy

> > > > > > > > >

May 18, 2008

Oh, and of course mom has uber short hair so she gets it cut every 4-6 weeks or

so - it's been this way for 20 years - but she'd never pay to get mine cut.

Re: Is your BPD flaky?

Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that this shower/appearance thing came up! I

rarely post here, but this one caught my attention. I realized

recently that I really think I have a NEED to take long showers every

day, and I realized a while ago that it was because I was only allowed

to bathe every 3 or 4 days, and I always had to ask permission.. I