Mother's day letter aftermath

May 22, 2008

I sent my NADA a mother's day card this year, was just really

basic.she told me a while ago she didn't want to hear from me, so i

was nervous about sending it. Here is whatI wrote in it:

" Dear mom, I know you said you didn't want to hear from me anymore,

but I wanted to wish you a happy mother's day. You are always in my

thoughts and prayers. Love sara " .

She wrote me back with a 2 page letter. She says " Thank you so much

for the card! It really meant a lot to me! I thought you had

forgotten mothers day! But I have to clear one thing up, I didn't

say that I didn't want to hear from you anymore, I said I didn't

want to hear from you until you were back to your normal self. I

guess you spoiled me with all those years of being respectful toward

me! But oh well, that doesn't matter anymore...I don't want to go

back and forth about all that. It doesn't matter... " .

she rambled on a little more, and at the end she writes " If you ever

want to see me let me know " .

like I have to make an appt with her or something?

She also has written things in the letter and the scribbled them out

really hard so i couldn't see what she wrote. It was very neurotic.

The part where she said she didn't want to hear from me until i was

my normal self again....that really struck me. My " normal self " to

her is one who bows at her every beck and call, one that jumps when

she says to jump, one that seeks her approval for everything I do,

and one that takes the emotional abuse and being used as a doormat.

Yes, that was my old self and I was miserable. I will never go back

to being " My old Self " ever again. I like my new self so much

better.

It made my blood boil when she remarked " I guess you spoiled me all

those years that you were so respectful.... " blah! i wasn't

respectful, i was completely and utterly subordinate! like a dog

wanting to please his master! she doesn't even know what respect is!

To her, respect means succombing to her every action, thought and

feeling without deriving from it yourself. Agreeing with everything

she says and does without question. Taking whatever she throws at

you mentally and accepting it, because she is the mom and she is the

one who deserves respect.

Well, since I broke away from her, I learned that those that WANT

and RECIEVE respect GIVE respect. She has never given me an once of

respect, or consideration for that matter. I am so angry about this.

I haven't responded to her sick, sarcastic letter. And i don't

think I'm going to. So sorry to rant,but I've been holding this

anger in for about a week now, and I needed to let it out. thanks

for reading.

~Sara Jo

May 22, 2008

No apologies necessary, Sara Jo -- that backhanded letter deserved a

rant!

What a self-serving bunch of tripe she wrote. You're absolutely

right that it was " neurotic " . Your assessment of it shows you know

exactly what you're dealing with. Sending her a mother's day card

was a nice thing to do and that reflects well on you. You don't

need to do anything further -- it's good that you're not planning on

replying to her odd ranting.

Normal is who you are now. If your mother were interested in a

relationship with you, as you say, she would GIVE respect and would

be interested in your life. Now, she only seems to be interested in

being the wounded, self-righteous Queen, to be served by her

daughter the servant. It's all about her.

Back to your (newly wedded) life now -- your mother hasn't changed.

This is one of those " OK, that's over. Now, where was I?..... "

moments.

{hugs}

Kyla

>

> I sent my NADA a mother's day card this year, was just really

> basic.she told me a while ago she didn't want to hear from me, so

i

> was nervous about sending it. Here is whatI wrote in it:

>

> " Dear mom, I know you said you didn't want to hear from me

anymore,

> but I wanted to wish you a happy mother's day. You are always in

my

> thoughts and prayers. Love sara " .

>

> She wrote me back with a 2 page letter. She says " Thank you so

much

> for the card! It really meant a lot to me! I thought you had

> forgotten mothers day! But I have to clear one thing up, I didn't

> say that I didn't want to hear from you anymore, I said I didn't

> want to hear from you until you were back to your normal self. I

> guess you spoiled me with all those years of being respectful

toward

> me! But oh well, that doesn't matter anymore...I don't want to go

> back and forth about all that. It doesn't matter... " .

>

> she rambled on a little more, and at the end she writes " If you

ever

> want to see me let me know " .

>

> like I have to make an appt with her or something?

>

> She also has written things in the letter and the scribbled them

out

> really hard so i couldn't see what she wrote. It was very

neurotic.

> The part where she said she didn't want to hear from me until i

was

> my normal self again....that really struck me. My " normal self " to

> her is one who bows at her every beck and call, one that jumps

when

> she says to jump, one that seeks her approval for everything I do,

> and one that takes the emotional abuse and being used as a

doormat.

> Yes, that was my old self and I was miserable. I will never go

back

> to being " My old Self " ever again. I like my new self so much

> better.

>

> It made my blood boil when she remarked " I guess you spoiled me

all

> those years that you were so respectful.... " blah! i wasn't

> respectful, i was completely and utterly subordinate! like a dog

> wanting to please his master! she doesn't even know what respect

is!

> To her, respect means succombing to her every action, thought and

> feeling without deriving from it yourself. Agreeing with

everything

> she says and does without question. Taking whatever she throws at

> you mentally and accepting it, because she is the mom and she is

the

> one who deserves respect.

> Well, since I broke away from her, I learned that those that WANT

> and RECIEVE respect GIVE respect. She has never given me an once

of

> respect, or consideration for that matter. I am so angry about

this.

>

> I haven't responded to her sick, sarcastic letter. And i don't

> think I'm going to. So sorry to rant,but I've been holding this

> anger in for about a week now, and I needed to let it out. thanks

> for reading.

> ~Sara Jo

>

May 22, 2008

Sara,

Good for you! I wouldn't answer either. My nada has done similar

things. You get all this scathing criticism followed by something

like " I don't understand why you don't think I don't love you. I've

always been proud of who you are... " [leaving the statement " ...until

now " unsaid.] I just receive [like one minute ago] this from my mom

" Here's hoping you have a wonderful break. Love, mom "

Now, what do you suppose that's supposed to mean? Am I supposed to

feel badly for her because she'll have the three day weekend to

herself? After she's told me how great it is to live alone, etc.?

Go figure... I wish they'd just make up their minds.

>

> I sent my NADA a mother's day card this year, was just really

> basic.she told me a while ago she didn't want to hear from me, so i

> was nervous about sending it. Here is whatI wrote in it:

>

> " Dear mom, I know you said you didn't want to hear from me anymore,

> but I wanted to wish you a happy mother's day. You are always in my

> thoughts and prayers. Love sara " .

>

> She wrote me back with a 2 page letter. She says " Thank you so much

> for the card! It really meant a lot to me! I thought you had

> forgotten mothers day! But I have to clear one thing up, I didn't

> say that I didn't want to hear from you anymore, I said I didn't

> want to hear from you until you were back to your normal self. I

> guess you spoiled me with all those years of being respectful

toward

> me! But oh well, that doesn't matter anymore...I don't want to go

> back and forth about all that. It doesn't matter... " .

>

> she rambled on a little more, and at the end she writes " If you

ever

> want to see me let me know " .

>

> like I have to make an appt with her or something?

>

> She also has written things in the letter and the scribbled them

out

> really hard so i couldn't see what she wrote. It was very neurotic.

> The part where she said she didn't want to hear from me until i was

> my normal self again....that really struck me. My " normal self " to

> her is one who bows at her every beck and call, one that jumps when

> she says to jump, one that seeks her approval for everything I do,

> and one that takes the emotional abuse and being used as a doormat.

> Yes, that was my old self and I was miserable. I will never go back

> to being " My old Self " ever again. I like my new self so much

> better.

>

> It made my blood boil when she remarked " I guess you spoiled me all

> those years that you were so respectful.... " blah! i wasn't

> respectful, i was completely and utterly subordinate! like a dog

> wanting to please his master! she doesn't even know what respect

is!

> To her, respect means succombing to her every action, thought and

> feeling without deriving from it yourself. Agreeing with everything

> she says and does without question. Taking whatever she throws at

> you mentally and accepting it, because she is the mom and she is

the

> one who deserves respect.

> Well, since I broke away from her, I learned that those that WANT

> and RECIEVE respect GIVE respect. She has never given me an once of

> respect, or consideration for that matter. I am so angry about

this.

>

> I haven't responded to her sick, sarcastic letter. And i don't

> think I'm going to. So sorry to rant,but I've been holding this

> anger in for about a week now, and I needed to let it out. thanks

> for reading.

> ~Sara Jo

>

May 22, 2008

Your nada is stating that she preferred the version of you that was

enmeshed, fearful, & codependent. And she would like to renew her

relationship with you, if (and only if) you change back to your old

dysfunctional self.

Yup, that's a great choice to be given! These nut-cases are so not

worth our time.

>

> I sent my NADA a mother's day card this year, was just really

> basic.she told me a while ago she didn't want to hear from me, so i

> was nervous about sending it. Here is whatI wrote in it:

>

> " Dear mom, I know you said you didn't want to hear from me anymore,

> but I wanted to wish you a happy mother's day. You are always in my

> thoughts and prayers. Love sara " .

>

> She wrote me back with a 2 page letter. She says " Thank you so much

> for the card! It really meant a lot to me! I thought you had

> forgotten mothers day! But I have to clear one thing up, I didn't

> say that I didn't want to hear from you anymore, I said I didn't

> want to hear from you until you were back to your normal self. I

> guess you spoiled me with all those years of being respectful toward

> me! But oh well, that doesn't matter anymore...I don't want to go

> back and forth about all that. It doesn't matter... " .

>

> she rambled on a little more, and at the end she writes " If you ever

> want to see me let me know " .

>

> like I have to make an appt with her or something?

>

> She also has written things in the letter and the scribbled them out