No birthday celebration for me.

[Guest guest]

I'm still need to learn how to deal with my nada. When someone

explained the definition of nada, I almost laughed at how true it

was. I've always felt like a either a mother to my nada, or that I

was supposed to be her friend. I love her, but right now I'm not

talking to her.

My birthday was Dec. 31st. Over the holidays, my whole family was

able to get together - me and my husband, my brother and his wife, my

nada and dad. It occurred to me soon after my husband and I arrived

at my parents that I was the bad one this visit. It usually bounces

back between my brother and I. Well, whenever family is together and

a birthday is close we have a tradition - go out to dinner, come

home, sing Happy Birthday, have cake, ice cream, open gifts. This is

the first time ever that we didn't do it, and it was for my birthday.

Shortly before we left for my dinner, my mom pulled me aside and said

I don't talk to her anymore. Now first of all, I talk to my mom at

least once a week on the phone. I tried to explain it to her but

it's like talking to a wall. She lives in her own reality. I then

explained that I'm busy with my own life - my job, husband - she

didn't really say anything. Then she went on about how I didn't do

anything for her birthday, which was a month before mine. First off,

I called her twice to wish her HB. My dad was taking her on a

special birthday trip so we couldn't get together to celebrate. I

told her that I got her two xmas presents to make up for it. Not

good enough. She then reverts to this child like voice and actions

saying that I could have made her a card like a little girl. I told

her I wasn't a little girl. I'm 29. Then she starts crying. I

hugged her, told her I love her, then walked away. I really feel

like I'm going through the motions anymore.

The whole visit was crap. My sister-in-law, nada, and me were

supposed to go for lunch one of the days. When my s SIL said she

didn't want ot go, I overheard my nada telling her that if she didn't

go, then she didn't want to go alone with me. What the heck was

that?

Needless to say, there was no cake, no singing, nothing. I waited

til we left, thinking maybe they'd do something at the last minute.

Even my brother thought it was weird. I did talk to her before I

left and told her how I felt. She said my gift was in the mail.

That's not the point. First of all - why does she have to mail it?

Second of all - I know she was taking me not sending her a stupid

card out on me. She said they had a cake there. You know what it

was? A half-eaten German Chocolate cake that she bought for xmas. I

told her it was a cop out, and if we're not going to celebrate b-days

anymore than just tell me. She said she was sorry, but I know she

isn't. I got upset and walked away before crying. When I said

goodbye to everyone I started bawling. I was so mad at myself for

not waiting till I got in the car. I couldn't help it.

And my dad - he just lets it happen! I don't know how he's lived

with her all these years. I haven't talked to my nada since then,

but my dad emails me today saying to call my mom - she could really

use a call from me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to call.

But I know my dad will just keep hounding me until I do. What do I

tell him?