Re: First Time On... Question

[Guest guest]

Maybe limit/cut back your attendance to family events? If it's taking

a toll on you, you have to take care of your own well-being first.

Being in a " family " should serve your needs, too, not take away out of

some sense of obligation or loyalty. Not if it's leaving you feeling

helpless and devalued. People who do that to you shouldn't be given

your valuable time and energy.

-Kyla

>

> Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my adult

sister

> has BPD. We are the only two children, so I am the only female

without

> BPD in my family of origin. Being with 2 BPD family members at

events

> is, of course, challenging. Does anyone else have 2 immediate family

> members with BPD? I am a therapist with plenty of clinical knowledge

on

> BPD... but still leave family events feeling helpless, devalued, etc.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I too have a mother and sister whom my therapist believe both

have BP and I couldn't agree with her more.

They are enmeshed, and insane!!! I have been fighting a loosing

battle with these two people in my life unlike anyone or anything

else. They are a challenge at every phone call, event, holiday,

etc.

I have a whole bunch of crazy Foo's too, with a lifetime filled of

dysfunction.

Feel free to read my other posts, and email me if you want to ask some

questions.

Welcome....drlingirl

>

> Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my adult

sister

> has BPD. We are the only two children, so I am the only female

without

> BPD in my family of origin. Being with 2 BPD family members at

events

> is, of course, challenging. Does anyone else have 2 immediate family

> members with BPD? I am a therapist with plenty of clinical knowledge

on

> BPD... but still leave family events feeling helpless, devalued, etc.

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Held,

I too have a borderline nada, and one borderline sister. The sister was split

white--

worshipful white-- and nada was alternately waif and queen with her. They

tag-teamed

me my entire childhood, ridiculing and judging me together. One of their

favorite things

to do was to force me to listen to music I despised when we rode in the car.

They also

would go on shopping trips together and buy luxury items, excluding me and

acting like I

had no taste in clothing. Even though we were all about the same weight, they

like to

indentify themselves as thin and me as 'fat'. Even though I had more friends

than them,

they insisted on identifying me as 'geeky' and unpopular. They also 'hated' the

same

foods, and liked to ridicule me as disgusting when I dared eat them. Dinnertime

(and my

npd father was never home) was especially daunting. And when I became old

enough to

bring boyfriends home, they would together try to 'capture' him, nada flirting,

feeding him

and buying gifts, and the bpd sister actually coming out in negliges and bikinis

when she

was only around 13 years old. People think I grew up with a sister, but really

all I had was

a tiny little co-agent of torture.

Charlie

> >

> > Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my adult

> sister

> > has BPD. We are the only two children, so I am the only female

> without

> > BPD in my family of origin. Being with 2 BPD family members at

> events

> > is, of course, challenging. Does anyone else have 2 immediate family

> > members with BPD? I am a therapist with plenty of clinical knowledge

> on

> > BPD... but still leave family events feeling helpless, devalued, etc.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Charlie,

You just described my life to a T. This is my story!!!

I got all this you said and more. Nada and sis ended up moving out

of the family home when I was 17 after my parents divorced. My nada

took little BP sis with her, and turned her into her little

shopping, whoring, drinking buddy. Sad since little sis was only

15.

My whole life has been about dodging the bullets that they hurled at

me. I have/had tried to get through to my nada how she makes me

feel and she only called me selfish, because my poor sister is

alone, broke, sad, etc. Well she didn't start out alone, and if she

had gotten out from under my mom's skirt she might have had a half

of a chance. She was a pretty girl (who knew it) and who used

men/boys up like they were disposable!!! So now at 37 she has used

up all her looks, pissed a plenty of men off, and can no longer keep

her phony act up long enough to hopefully snag a guy.

She does have a daughter who I can't quite figure out. I sometimes

think she is scared of her mother, then at times I see her worships

her too. I see some fleas forming on her as well. I hope she

doesn't have BP, I don't thinks she does. She was hear last weekend

(with her mom) and each time she comes she opens up a little more.

I have told her even though I am NC with grandma, it has nothing to

do with my love for her. I just told her that I can't do grandma

anymore, that she is mean, she gets it. Anyways she said " when my

mom and I fight she won't talk to me, its ok though, I go to my room

and enjoy the peace and quiet " . Scary stuff!!! I just hope this

kid makes it through. She does have a dad and a whole family on his

side.

What is worse than my sisters enmeshment with mom down the street,

she has NOW devoted her time to spending weekends with our father,

who is alone too. She is eating up his time, his food, his

generosity and his money. Its like she will never grow up, get

married, and move on. Her parents are her life, her bread, (and she

knows how to get both sides buttered!!!). And since she is a leech,

it won't be long before she has sucked them both dry. Whats worse

than that is that they let her!!! She rages, and calls all the

shots. Her moods have always dictated our lives, our event, our

holidays!!!

Now that I am NC......I'm sure she is a happy girl with both her

parents ready to jump at her beckon call!!!

drlingirl

> > >

> > > Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my adult

> > sister

> > > has BPD. We are the only two children, so I am the only female

> > without

> > > BPD in my family of origin. Being with 2 BPD family members at

> > events

> > > is, of course, challenging. Does anyone else have 2 immediate

family

> > > members with BPD? I am a therapist with plenty of clinical

knowledge

> > on

> > > BPD... but still leave family events feeling helpless,

devalued, etc.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Please don't use the word " whoring. " That offends me. That is what my nada

used to refer to me as during my late teen years, whore, slut, etc. Hearing

that word is like a knife going through me, cutting to the inner core.

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: drlingirl@...: Mon, 14 Jan

2008 17:52:51 +0000Subject: Re: First Time On... Question

Charlie,You just described my life to a T. This is my story!!! I got all this

you said and more. Nada and sis ended up moving out of the family home when I

was 17 after my parents divorced. My nada took little BP sis with her, and

turned her into her little shopping, whoring, drinking buddy. Sad since little

sis was only 15. My whole life has been about dodging the bullets that they

hurled at me. I have/had tried to get through to my nada how she makes me feel

and she only called me selfish, because my poor sister is alone, broke, sad,

etc. Well she didn't start out alone, and if she had gotten out from under my

mom's skirt she might have had a half of a chance. She was a pretty girl (who

knew it) and who used men/boys up like they were disposable!!! So now at 37 she

has used up all her looks, pissed a plenty of men off, and can no longer keep

her phony act up long enough to hopefully snag a guy. She does have a daughter

who I can't quite figure out. I sometimes think she is scared of her mother,

then at times I see her worships her too. I see some fleas forming on her as

well. I hope she doesn't have BP, I don't thinks she does. She was hear last

weekend (with her mom) and each time she comes she opens up a little more. I

have told her even though I am NC with grandma, it has nothing to do with my

love for her. I just told her that I can't do grandma anymore, that she is mean,

she gets it. Anyways she said " when my mom and I fight she won't talk to me, its

ok though, I go to my room and enjoy the peace and quiet " . Scary stuff!!! I just

hope this kid makes it through. She does have a dad and a whole family on his

side. What is worse than my sisters enmeshment with mom down the street, she has

NOW devoted her time to spending weekends with our father, who is alone too. She

is eating up his time, his food, his generosity and his money. Its like she will

never grow up, get married, and move on. Her parents are her life, her bread,

(and she knows how to get both sides buttered!!!). And since she is a leech, it

won't be long before she has sucked them both dry. Whats worse than that is that

they let her!!! She rages, and calls all the shots. Her moods have always

dictated our lives, our event, our holidays!!! Now that I am NC......I'm sure

she is a happy girl with both her parents ready to jump at her beckon call!!!

drlingirl> > >> > > Hi, I have just joined this group. My

mom has BPD and my adult > > sister > > > has BPD. We are the only two children,

so I am the only female > > without > > > BPD in my family of origin. Being with

2 BPD family members at > > events > > > is, of course, challenging. Does anyone

else have 2 immediate family > > > members with BPD? I am a therapist with

plenty of clinical knowledge > > on > > > BPD... but still leave family events

feeling helpless, devalued, etc.> > >> >>

_________________________________________________________________

Share life as it happens with the new Windows Live.

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[Guest guest]

Yikes!!! I didn't mean to offend anyone, just telling my story as I

saw it, lived it.

Sorry, drlingirl

>

> >> > > Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my

adult > > sister > > > has BPD. We are the only two children, so I

am the only female > > without > > > BPD in my family of origin.

Being with 2 BPD family members at > > events > > > is, of course,

challenging. Does anyone else have 2 immediate family > > > members

with BPD? I am a therapist with plenty of clinical knowledge > > on

> > > BPD... but still leave family events feeling helpless,

devalued, etc.> > >> >>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Share life as it happens with the new Windows Live.

> http://www.windowslive.com/share.html?

ocid=TXT_TAGHM_Wave2_sharelife_012008

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's O.K., drlingirl. We can't know everyone's 'trigger words' and we'd be

Walking on Eggshells if we tried to figure that out! It's the intent that

counts -- and you're doing great!

AZClown

Re: First Time On... Question

Yikes!!! I didn't mean to offend anyone, just telling my story as I

saw it, lived it.

Sorry, drlingirl

>

> >> > > Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my

adult > > sister > > > has BPD. We are the only two children, so I

am the only female > > without > > > BPD in my family of origin.

Being with 2 BPD family members at > > events > > > is, of course,

challenging. Does anyone else have 2 immediate family > > > members

with BPD? I am a therapist with plenty of clinical knowledge > > on

> > > BPD... but still leave family events feeling helpless,

devalued, etc.> > >> >>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> Share life as it happens with the new Windows Live.

> http://www.windowsl ive.com/share. html?

ocid=TXT_TAGHM_ Wave2_sharelife_ 012008

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks AZ,

I was feeling kind of bad and wanted to retreat, thanks to Carla and

Kris.....keeping me laughing at myself, and my weird sleeping

habbits.

Thanks again, drlingirl

>

> > >> > > Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my

> adult > > sister > > > has BPD. We are the only two children, so I

> am the only female > > without > > > BPD in my family of origin.

> Being with 2 BPD family members at > > events > > > is, of course,

> challenging. Does anyone else have 2 immediate family > > >

members

> with BPD? I am a therapist with plenty of clinical knowledge > >

on

> > > > BPD... but still leave family events feeling helpless,

> devalued, etc.> > >> >>

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> > Share life as it happens with the new Windows Live.

> > http://www.windowsl ive.com/share. html?

> ocid=TXT_TAGHM_ Wave2_sharelife_ 012008

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

One of our guidelines is that if we have a problem with a post, we

should take it to the list owner rather than make an issue of it on

the board. This word is a trigger for you, and we can all

understand that, however, if each of us was expected to refrain from

anything that triggered someone else, there wouldn't be much we

could write. We all need to learn ways to better respond to our

triggers, not ask others to refrain from making such statements.

Sylvia

>

>

> Please don't use the word " whoring. " That offends me. That is

what my nada used to refer to me as during my late teen years,

whore, slut, etc. Hearing that word is like a knife going through

me, cutting to the inner core.

>

........

[Guest guest]

Hey you wouldnt happen to be a certain BPD afflicted (another

last name) that used to ge all bent out of shape now would you?

T

> >

>> > > Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my adult

> > sister > > > has BPD. We are the only two children, so I am the

only female > > without > > > BPD in my family of origin. Being with

2 BPD family members at > > events > > > is, of course, challenging.

Does anyone else have 2 immediate family > > > members with BPD? I am

a therapist with plenty of clinical knowledge > > on > > > BPD... but

still leave family events feeling helpless, devalued, etc.> > >> >>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Share life as it happens with the new Windows Live.

> http://www.windowslive.com/share.html?

ocid=TXT_TAGHM_Wave2_sharelife_012008

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sylvia thanks for saying that,,how true if all of us had to have a

list of what triggered people we wouldnt have a group.....Triggers

should be expected on this kind of list

> >

> >

> > Please don't use the word " whoring. " That offends me. That is

> what my nada used to refer to me as during my late teen years,

> whore, slut, etc. Hearing that word is like a knife going through

> me, cutting to the inner core.

> >

> .......

>

[Guest guest]

Name calling and deep insults are how BP's get you to stay weak. My

mother's called me some horrible things back in the day. Yes, it is

hard to know that people treat their children and say things to their

children that way, but it does happen. We have to be open and honest

about our experiences and feelings here. We all need to heal.

Khris

> > >

> > >

> > > Please don't use the word " whoring. " That offends me. That is

> > what my nada used to refer to me as during my late teen years,

> > whore, slut, etc. Hearing that word is like a knife going

through

> > me, cutting to the inner core.

> > >

> > .......

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

I can imagine how that word would trigger negative emotions and memories--I

was just posting the other day about a terrible episode during which my nada

called me a whore and proceeded to very graphically delineate what she imagined

I had done (sexually) with my present and past boyfriends. It was a terrible

experience during which she said unforgivable things and although the 'c' word

and whore and several others have the capacity to offend me, I try to keep a

fair and objective perspective on this website as to what will upset me.

This is one of our only safe havens and it's important that we be able to

speak without censure as long as we're not overtly attacking or deliberately

offending any other posters.

smhtrain2 wrote:

One of our guidelines is that if we have a problem with a post, we

should take it to the list owner rather than make an issue of it on

the board. This word is a trigger for you, and we can all

understand that, however, if each of us was expected to refrain from

anything that triggered someone else, there wouldn't be much we

could write. We all need to learn ways to better respond to our

triggers, not ask others to refrain from making such statements.

Sylvia

>

>

> Please don't use the word " whoring. " That offends me. That is

what my nada used to refer to me as during my late teen years,

whore, slut, etc. Hearing that word is like a knife going through

me, cutting to the inner core.

>

.........

---------------------------------

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your reply. I will read your posts and may email you.

Being new to this, I'm just trying to absorb the posts and situations

before posting much myself. I sometimes have great interactions with

either my mom or my sister, but with the two of them together it

usually crumbles fast.

> >

> > Hi, I have just joined this group. My mom has BPD and my adult

> sister

> > has BPD. We are the only two children, so I am the only female

> without

> > BPD in my family of origin. Being with 2 BPD family members at

> events

> > is, of course, challenging. Does anyone else have 2 immediate

family

> > members with BPD? I am a therapist with plenty of clinical

knowledge

> on

> > BPD... but still leave family events feeling helpless, devalued,

etc.

> >

>