new to this

[Guest guest]

I found this group from BPD Central. I have so many questions about the group

and how it

works but I don't know where to look. Are their " rules " to posting? I see a

lot of

abbreviations used. I'm sure I can figure them out the more I read, but maybe

there is a

place that lists the commonly used ones for this group.

I am convinced my mother is a highly functioning bpd. I am 35 years old and

have

probably been aware of bpd and the notion that my mother has it for about 4

years.

Someone put me onto the book " Understanding the Borderline Mother " at about that

time.

I've been lucky because I didn't become overly conscious of my mother's crazy

behavior

until I was in my 20's. As a middle child most of her attention focused on my

older sister

(who she has the most volatile relationship with) and younger brother (the

golden child). I

managed to fly under the radar until adulthood. Our relationship's volatility

increased

exponentially when I got married. No big surprise there...my husband is more

important

to me than my mother and she is clearly threatened by that.

I found BPD Central and this group because of recent events with my mother that

have

finally caused me to cut myself off from her completely. I'm tired of the

drama. I'm tired

of the chaos. I'm tired of waiting around wondering when she is going to

unleash on me

next. I'm tired of wondering what act am I going to engage in that she will

twist and then

become enraged with me. I'm tired of apologizing when I don't mean it because

she never

sees herself as wrong. I'm tired of everything being that she is always right

and I am

always wrong. I don't think she has ever apologized to me for anything. I feel

as if I

should feel guilty that I can't imagine letting my mother back into my life, but

what I really

feel is relieved. I consider myself lucky that I don't have BPD. I have a good

marriage and

two good children. I often wonder how I made it out of my mother's house as

unscathed

as I have. At 35 I don't wish to continue having her drag me down or create

drama in my

life that doesn't need to be there. I want to live the " normal " life I deserve

and that my

kids deserve. My parents have been married for 43 years and together for 50.

My father

is a good person who loves his children and is logical and rational. Having

said that, he is

a complete enabler and is in total denial about his wife. While he would never

do or say

the things that she does, he doesn't see her behavior as crazy either. I feel

bad that he is

very distraught over the fact that I have communicated to him I won't have

anything

further to do with my mother, but I can't let her back in my life so that he

won't be

distraught. That's what I've done in the past.

I'm sorry this is so long. I'm not sure if I was supposed to limit the length.

This is all so

new and the break from my BPD mother is so recent. While I know she is ill and

can't

control her behavior, I don't know what more I can do other than cut myself off

since she

doesn't think she needs help. Cutting her off may be the wrong thing to do for

someone

with BPD, but do I have any other choices? Part of me hopes that me cutting her

off could

be her rock bottom and that she will get the help she SO desperately needs.

Regardless,

don't I need to do what is best for me?