BPD Household: Communist Regime?

[Guest guest]

Whenever I try to talk about my home situation with friends/ boyfriend etc. I'm

usually exasperated and amused to hear their suggestions-- " Have you ever tried

writing your mom a letter telling her how you feel?? " , " Just don't let it get to

you! " etc. I often feel as though I'm an expat from a cruel, oppresive cold war

communist regime and it's too complicated to explain the daily, paranoid

day-to-day reality of my past: your mail might be intercepted and read, any

individualistic opinions/ needs might be construed as disloyalty, you never know

when you're being watched, you're afraid to trust anyone, you feel separated

from the rest of the world, you live in fear of castigation etc. etc. I was

recently reading an excerpt from the diary of a former KGB officer about their

methods of coercion and there was a striking parallel to my nada's: smear your

enemies at the first sign of dissent, use a balance of ignoring dissidents and

then praising them only when they forsake

their own tendencies for those of the party, deprive them of sleep and threaten

to take away their shelter (my nada used to call the cops on me when she was

angry and would give them my car's license plate claiming it had been

'stolen')...

I've always found my nada to be remarkably dictator-like. She has all the

natural instincts, charm, charisma and cruelty of a fearful and compelling

leader. She lives completely in the moment and never fears consquences. She

can also turn almost anyone against another person/ group, she's an expert

triangulator.

Any thoughts?

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