Re: The Mirror syndrome: Constant socialization to stave off soul-crushing boredom

[Guest guest]

genevieve wrote:

" The only problem with having so many " friends " is that sometimes

they're not friends at all. It's like I'm obsessed with just

constantly talking to people on line, through e-mail etc, just to

have that mirror reflection, just to have someone there. I get very

agitated if I have to be alone with myself in a way. "

I'm sure that's a valid point -- because there are only so many

hours in a day, days in a week, etc. and between work, school and

maybe a couple of other obligations, there aren't that many hours to

nurture deep close friendships. And, of course, there's that tier

of not close, but enjoyable acquaintances -- or work colleagues that

you enjoy, etc.

But the inability to be alone is something to be looked at to make

sure it's not a defense against letting your thoughts and feelings

course through you. Maybe just sit with it and see what thoughts

come through your head -- write it down, start journaling. Do you

like movies? Books? Maybe schedule those things for when your

friends aren't available.

When was the last time you set a goal to accomplish something you've

always wanted to do? I've always wanted to run a marathon -- so I

got a training schedule off the internet that gave me my

weekly " assignments " and every day's " goal " was just that

assignment. I didn't look forward more than a day or two. By the

time 6 months went by, I was ready, and I ran not one but TWO

marathons last year!

I think it's the ability to look forward to things -- keep heading

into the future and shake it up a little -- that keeps us fresh and

youthful, no matter our age. Always be planning something you

really want to do -- from the simple to the sublime.

Sounds like you might be agitated because you want to be doing more

with your life. Personal fulfillment.

Embark on learning about a culture, or explore a new classic writer,

plan a trip somewhere, decide to become a better cook this year, the

list is really endless. Only you know what your heart wants.

Sounds like you might be spinning your wheels -- what are some

things you'd like to accomplish in your life?

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

Genevieve:

I'm sort of in a similar place right now. Not with the socializing

part, but with the trying to manage the anxiety while not pushing out

my memories or feelings. It's hard for me too and I have not found a

way to manage it either. Hopefully, someone else out there can help

us both!

Khris

>

> So I'm having a blah day and haven't written for a while. Thought

I'd

> get your thoughts on something.

>

> Over the past couple months I've been reaching out to people, making

> new friends etc. It's been great. I feel like I'm finally

creating a

> " chosen " family vs. just accepting my " biological " family (which as

we

> all know was no family at all).

>

> So that's been great, and I've been proud of putting myself out

there,

> connecting with old friends and relatives. Socializing really puts

me

> in a good mood.

>

> But now I've noticed how I've started to swing to the opposite

> spectrum of things. Now, when I'm not out doing something with

> friends, I feel so bored (ie right now). And I mean soul-crushing

> boredom.

>

> Like I would just die if I didn't have someone to talk to. Even

> though I'm sick with a cold, I'm already wondering in my head if

> people are going out because I just can't stand to be alone.

>

> This reminds me of some symptoms of BP. There's some quote where

BP's

> rely on other people to give them a sense of themselves. When they

> are alone, it's as if they disappear, it's like looking in a mirror

> and seeing nothing. Hence, they can't tolerate loneliness because

> it's the same thing as dying.

>

> On top of this, I have been reflecting on my relationship with my

> father in therapy recently. In particular, many feelings

surrounding

> my father's early violent tactics of spanking (when I was 5) without

> ANY empathic warm support for these people (and my father was crazy

> and sleep deprived etc. and basically hit anyone who didn't do just

> what he wanted). This thoughts are so agitating.

>

> I feel like I'm afraid, but I don't know of what. And I don't know

> how to calm myself down. I try to talk to myself, cuddle with a

> stuffed animal etc.

>

> But the thing that makes me feel the best? Going out with friends!

>

> Because I've just been having trouble getting through these

intrusive

> thoughts (I try crying, I try deep breathing while visualizing), I

> think part of my pleasure in people is now covering my pain. I

think

> it's becoming an avoidance strategy for something I can't quite even

> handle. I even requested that I go to LESS therapy because thinking

> about the traumatic memories just makes me more agitated.

>

> The only problem with having so many " friends " is that sometimes

> they're not friends at all. It's like I'm obsessed with just

> constantly talking to people on line, through e-mail etc, just to

have

> that mirror reflection, just to have someone there. I get very

> agitated if I have to be alone with myself in a way.

>

> I use TV, music, sleep-deprivation, caffeine, friends, etc. to

really

> not face these feelings. The worst part is that I know this is the

> exact opposite of what I'm supposed to do.

>

> But basically I feel like everytime I try to sit with the feelings,

> work through them, cry through them whatever... I FEEL LIKE I AM

> EFFIN losing my mind.

>

> It even got to the point where I felt like I was in a numb stupor

all

> together (which was very frightening for me).

>

> Now, I'm wondering what is going on, how do I fix it, etc.

> Of course, I'm in dialogue with my therapist about this but it's

been

> nearly a month of this, and I just can't take it anymore.

>

> I just need to find something to help me move through this

agitation.

> Anyone been through something similar? Anyone have any

suggestions?

> Could these recovered memories cause PTSD like symptoms and if so,

is

> psychodynamic therapy not enough for that?

>

> Thanks for your support!

>

> Confused,

> G.

>

[Guest guest]

wow this so sounds like i have been lately. the soul-crushing

boredom. my boyfriend just started working the graveyard shift so

everynight when he goes to work it's too late to call friends to hang

out but too early for me to go to bed. i started freaking out crying

on the phone, feeling extremely unhappy for a few weeks. just bored.

thats the only way i could explain it. im still not sure why i felt

so bored, but now i look at this as a time to read books on bpd and

go online and read the posts on here and just work on all the issues

i have. i still wonder why i feel so bored and almost hopeless like

that though

>

> So I'm having a blah day and haven't written for a while. Thought

I'd

> get your thoughts on something.

>

> Over the past couple months I've been reaching out to people, making

> new friends etc. It's been great. I feel like I'm finally

creating a

> " chosen " family vs. just accepting my " biological " family (which as

we

> all know was no family at all).

>

> So that's been great, and I've been proud of putting myself out

there,

> connecting with old friends and relatives. Socializing really puts

me

> in a good mood.

>

> But now I've noticed how I've started to swing to the opposite

> spectrum of things. Now, when I'm not out doing something with

> friends, I feel so bored (ie right now). And I mean soul-crushing

> boredom.

>

> Like I would just die if I didn't have someone to talk to. Even

> though I'm sick with a cold, I'm already wondering in my head if

> people are going out because I just can't stand to be alone.

>

> This reminds me of some symptoms of BP. There's some quote where

BP's

> rely on other people to give them a sense of themselves. When they

> are alone, it's as if they disappear, it's like looking in a mirror

> and seeing nothing. Hence, they can't tolerate loneliness because

> it's the same thing as dying.

>

> On top of this, I have been reflecting on my relationship with my

> father in therapy recently. In particular, many feelings

surrounding

> my father's early violent tactics of spanking (when I was 5) without

> ANY empathic warm support for these people (and my father was crazy

> and sleep deprived etc. and basically hit anyone who didn't do just

> what he wanted). This thoughts are so agitating.

>

> I feel like I'm afraid, but I don't know of what. And I don't know

> how to calm myself down. I try to talk to myself, cuddle with a

> stuffed animal etc.

>

> But the thing that makes me feel the best? Going out with friends!

>

> Because I've just been having trouble getting through these

intrusive

> thoughts (I try crying, I try deep breathing while visualizing), I

> think part of my pleasure in people is now covering my pain. I

think

> it's becoming an avoidance strategy for something I can't quite even

> handle. I even requested that I go to LESS therapy because thinking

> about the traumatic memories just makes me more agitated.

>

> The only problem with having so many " friends " is that sometimes

> they're not friends at all. It's like I'm obsessed with just

> constantly talking to people on line, through e-mail etc, just to

have

> that mirror reflection, just to have someone there. I get very

> agitated if I have to be alone with myself in a way.

>

> I use TV, music, sleep-deprivation, caffeine, friends, etc. to

really

> not face these feelings. The worst part is that I know this is the

> exact opposite of what I'm supposed to do.

>

> But basically I feel like everytime I try to sit with the feelings,

> work through them, cry through them whatever... I FEEL LIKE I AM

> EFFIN losing my mind.

>

> It even got to the point where I felt like I was in a numb stupor

all

> together (which was very frightening for me).

>

> Now, I'm wondering what is going on, how do I fix it, etc.

> Of course, I'm in dialogue with my therapist about this but it's

been

> nearly a month of this, and I just can't take it anymore.

>

> I just need to find something to help me move through this

agitation.

> Anyone been through something similar? Anyone have any

suggestions?

> Could these recovered memories cause PTSD like symptoms and if so,

is

> psychodynamic therapy not enough for that?

>

> Thanks for your support!

>

> Confused,

> G.

>