Re:The Mirror syndrome: Constant socialization to stave off soul-crushi

[Guest guest]

Hi Genevieve,

Welcome back. Not to sound too old or patronizing or

anything...but...

When I was (I think) your age (you're in college,

right?), I also felt like having a social life and

lots of friends was probably the most important thing

I could do. I think this helped me feel accepted and

wanted. Also we would go out and party a lot and

unbelievably stupid things were done by myself and

others. It was reassuring to me to know that I could

do these things and still have friends that would

support me.

If there was a weekend where no one was around and I

couldn't find anything to do, I would often berate

myself for not being cool or popular or being able to

make real friends. This behavior continued even when

I was in graduate school, despite the fact I went to a

school where no one really knew how to have fun going

out. At times, it got boring when we were out, then I

might stop going for a bit but always with the feeling

that it was my fault for not being more interesting,

cooler, fun to be around, etc...

Now that I'm older (and my friends have

lives/SOs/children, even if I don't), I spend a lot

more time at home but I've noticed that I don't have

the same problems with it. I do get together with my

friends every few weeks and that makes it fun when we

do go. At other times, I have lots of things to keep

me occupied even though I'm at home, like knitting,

being on the computer (bad hobby), cooking, watching

movies, and other things. I don't want to say that

this is some phase that you will grow out of, just

that I wonder if maybe being around people is helping

you feel accepted and okay -- validation that was

difficult to get from a BPD parent.

One of my friends in college made an extremely acute

observation about going out. When you first start

going out a lot, you feel like you have to be with

your friends for every event just in case you miss

something really important, like that would become a

legendary moment to be discussed for years on end

afterward. However, the more often you go out, the

more you realize that most of the time it is actually

pretty boring and the same old, same old.

is

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[Guest guest]

I wish this was just a " going out for the first time " phase...

I'm done with college, wrapping up graduate school.

>

> Hi Genevieve,

>

> Welcome back. Not to sound too old or patronizing or

> anything...but...

>

> When I was (I think) your age (you're in college,

> right?), I also felt like having a social life and

> lots of friends was probably the most important thing

> I could do. I think this helped me feel accepted and

> wanted. Also we would go out and party a lot and

> unbelievably stupid things were done by myself and

> others. It was reassuring to me to know that I could

> do these things and still have friends that would

> support me.

I usually swung between two ends of the spectrum (not going out at

all) or near the end, going out (and drinking every night). I knew

hundreds of people! I was the life of the party! By boyfriend was

super popular (and addicted to substances)! Only problem? I felt

pretty dead inside. But at least I had all those fancy parties to

keep me distracted.

>

> If there was a weekend where no one was around and I

> couldn't find anything to do, I would often berate

> myself for not being cool or popular or being able to

> make real friends. This behavior continued even when

> I was in graduate school, despite the fact I went to a

> school where no one really knew how to have fun going

> out. At times, it got boring when we were out, then I

> might stop going for a bit but always with the feeling

> that it was my fault for not being more interesting,

> cooler, fun to be around, etc...

It's kind of abnormal for me because I am making myself go so fast I

don't feel ie I'm drinking, I'm talking with friends, I'm dancing...

I'm calling people... I'm always doing a ton of things socially, so I

am so engaged and entertained. At first it started out as healthy

socialization, but now ... I feel like I'm losing my mind with this

PTSD stuff... and distraction is the only thing that helps... which

isn't really helping because it's fueled by so much agitation. I know

if I stop for a moment, I feel like I'm going nutso.

>

> Now that I'm older (and my friends have

> lives/SOs/children, even if I don't), I spend a lot

> more time at home but I've noticed that I don't have

> the same problems with it. I do get together with my

> friends every few weeks and that makes it fun when we

> do go. At other times, I have lots of things to keep

> me occupied even though I'm at home, like knitting,

> being on the computer (bad hobby), cooking, watching

> movies, and other things. I don't want to say that

> this is some phase that you will grow out of, just

> that I wonder if maybe being around people is helping

> you feel accepted and okay -- validation that was

> difficult to get from a BPD parent.

Don't get me wrong. Socialization is a key component of feeling good.

But this kind of " feeling good " is more superficial.

Any suggestions people have would help! I don't know why I feel so

darn agitated.

G.

> One of my friends in college made an extremely acute

> observation about going out. When you first start

> going out a lot, you feel like you have to be with

> your friends for every event just in case you miss

> something really important, like that would become a

> legendary moment to be discussed for years on end

> afterward. However, the more often you go out, the

> more you realize that most of the time it is actually

> pretty boring and the same old, same old.

>

> is

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Looking for last minute shopping deals?

> Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping

>