Re: Re: New to site

[Guest guest]

And from me too.I just rejoined last week with these issues. As my stepfather

died last month nada is getting wilder and more unreasonable than she has been

for years. She lives 5 hours away, and as she is frail and in ill health I try

to stay in touch and helpful. My sister there does what she can but has three

teenagers, deadbeat ex and her own issues.

What are you going through specifically?

This sounds terrible, but I wonder if we will feel only relief instead of grief

when they pass on?

Oldauntkate

kylaboo728 wrote:

whippets2love --

Welcome! Stick around! This site is very validating, no doubt about

it. Glad it's helping you, too!

-Kyla

>

> Hi, I've just discovered your site and support group today and boy

do

> I need it! Dealing with my aging BPD mother is just about pushing

me

> to the edge of sanity lately. Just wanted to say hello and thanks.

> It helps a lot to know that so many other people share the same

> feelings that I do, you really helped me today.

>

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Oh the memories that brings up!! Nada drives a '96 silver Honda Civic. In high

school, when I was out of the house (rare, but a huge relief) I kept one eye

trained on nearby streets searching for that car. I would go back from college

to visit friends, always staying anywhere but at Nada's (I'd drive there and

back, 9 hrs on the road in one day, just to avoid that) and always looking for

that car. She lives in Houston. It's a HUGE city, but I could be on the opposite

end, in parts of town she may not even know about and would definitely never go,

and I'm still looking for that car. Even in my own city, the sight of a silver

Civic anywhere close to that model year gives me a small panic attack. I'm a

Hondaphobe! Or I guess it would have to be Civicophobe, but that doesn't sound

as good.

Anyone else transfer their fear of Nada to objects close to her?

Jae

Re: New to site

Wrestling with this question a lot right now as FADA(inlaw) has

cancer and uses pity parties as a diffusion technique. Much of the

family buys into it hook, line and sinker, but those he's really

hurt are more realistic. Does the fact that someone may soon die

change the life they've lived? Are WE (the survivors) somehow

responsible for making them feel loved when they've done just the

opposite to us while we grew up?

Interesting what Kyla wrote about her nada freaking out when an

estranged brother was in town and didn't contact her... FADA(inlaw)

used to keep tabs on our visits back to the old neighborhood to

visit our friends. At the time, we were not NC or even LC, but

wanted the freedom to be in the area visiting our friends and

relatives without the manipulation of being FORCED to include him

and his accomplice wife in our visit somehow. It got so bad, we

used to hide our car or be careful not to drive by his house for

fear of being seen--anything to escape the wrath. It's amazing it

took us all these years to realize he is not worthy of our love and

now that he's dying, he isn't any more worth of it.

~Elle

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