Re: NC = No Contact Right? - Okay I did it !! It was a long time coming....

[Guest guest]

> " Mia, you need help, you are sick and bipolar and may god be with you

> and help you " ? What? What in the hell is she talking about??

This is projection. She means " I am so sick that I can't stand to

think about it, so I will blame you. "

Sounds like you've had a rough time...what a headache. Good luck with

your NC decision. Seems like it will be a good decision for you at this

time.

[Guest guest]

Sorry that this had to happen to you Mia. It sounds like you have

every right to be angry with your mother.

Vent all you want. I'll listen (read). ; )

Khris

[Guest guest]

Oh Mia,

I am so sorry you had to got through that it is something my nada

would do argh! I could so sympathize with you sounds like she might be

a bit psychotic. My nada had a psychotic break and went wacko against

me too thought I was after her. Also told ME I was bi-polar! I dont

even come close to a bi-polar diagnosis ahahaha. She had a bi-polar

husband who died this year and started her roller coaster to hell. My

nada is 64 and she started having episodes around age 60. well she had

one that landed her in the hospital for 3 months . then now she had

one after he died. Congrats on the no contact, it isnt worth the

headache staying in contact with someone so mentally disturbed and

evil

>

> Okay everyone, I have not been online lately, lots going on around

> here. But I finally told my 60 year old mother to fuck off. I am over

> her shit and she is now out of my life and the life of my kids

> forever!! I will not allow her to hurt me anymore, I am over being

> hurt by her over and over again.

> Today, she almost had me arrested, or she tried to at least.

>

> Long story short, she said I stole stuff out of her home. I did take

> some suitcases and some wood that belonged to me, but I took the

> suitcases because I thought she had left them behind. She is a little

> senial in her old age and I assumed that she had forgotten to take

> her suitcases when she moved out of her home. She sold her house, and

> I live across the street from her " now empty " home. The new people

> are moving in this coming weekend, the new owner's that is.

>

> Anyway, I was driving to the store with my kids, when I noticed that

> the wood that I had lent my mom to move her washer and dryer was

> being thrown in the trash by some strange painters. This wood was

> hand made and carved by my husband to make a new bed for our 2 year

> old son. It worked great though with moving a washer and dryer into a

> truck though, I used them as ramps to help my mom. Anyway, these

> strange painters (who were hired by the new home owners) were

> throwing this very expensive wood away, that was my husbands. So I

> stopped and told them who I was, and that the wood was mine and it

> was supposed to be returned to me by my mother when she moved out of

> her house last weekend, but she never returned it to me when she

> moved out. My mother doesn't give a shit about other people's things,

> so she just left my son's bed parts in her garage to be thrown in the

> trash (this is very nice and expensive wood by the way).

> So the painters loaded the wood up for me into my mini-van and then

> they said to me " Your mom also left a few suitcases behind in her

> garage, we were told to get rid of anything left behind, so we were

> going to throw them out, why don't you take them and give them to

> your mother? " . I was hesitant, but I allowed them to load these

> suitcases into my van, they have been sitting in my van for 2 days

> now, with the intention of me giving them to my mom next time that I

> saw her.

>

> WEll, as it turns out, the suitcases belonged to the new home owners,

> they had left them there, and the painters didn't know about it.

>

> So when the owners went to their new home today, their belongings

> were gone, and they were upset. So they called my mom's agent and

> then my mom, and my mother told the agent and the new owner's that

> that I must have stolen the items. So I get a horrible message on my

> cell phone from my mother saying that I am going to be arrested for

> breaking in and entering (I never even went into the home - I was in

> the driveway) and also that I would be in jail (knowing that I have a

> 2 year old here and a 5 year old with me at home, and my husband is

> gone in the military and never home. Then my mom's real estate agent

> called, and reamed me a new a-hole, and wouldn't even let me explain

> or get a word in edge wise, basically yelled at me, called me a thief

> and said I would be going to jail and to explain it to a judge. I was

> so upset, I was crying, and so emotionally wrecked, I called my mom

> and she hung up on me, no one would allow me to explain what really

> happened. I was doing my mother a favor, so that the painters

> wouldn't throw her things in the trash, at least that was my

> intention.

>

> So I drove across the street, crying my eyes out, and thankfully the

> new owners were there and the painters (who gave me the suitcases in

> the first place) were all there, and the owner immediately apologized

> to me and said it was a huge misunderstanding and that the painters

> told her that they made me take the stuff saying it was probably my

> mother's stuff and they were told to throw any belongings in the

> trash. So I didn't get into trouble, I gladly returned the suitcases,

> which I never even opened at all, and it was over with. But I was

> still crying because I couldn't believe that my mother would tell

> people that I probably broke into her house and stole their personal

> belongings. Why would she do that? And my own mother told them to

> have me arrested!! KNowing I have young children, what if the police

> didn't believe me and they arrested me in front of my 2 young

> children? What would have happened to my kids? I was devasted that my

> mom didn't consider the consequences of her evil actions, especially

> since my mom knows that I am NOT a THIEF, and I have never been a

> thief in my entire life!! She knows me very well, and knows how much

> I hate thieves!!

>

> I think my mother has finally lost her mind. All 3 of my sisters were

> also devasted and tried to calm me down today. They are all cutting

> our mother off too, they are sick and tired of her hurting me all of

> the time over and over again, after everything I have done for her

> since my dad left her (3 years ago) - I have always been there for

> her, when no one else would bail her out...........I even bailed her

> out of jail 2 years ago when she got that DUI........

> And this is the fucking thanks I get....!!

>

> She will never see me or my kids again, I am done with her crazy shit

> and I told her that today......

>

> And guess what her response was to me?

>

> " Mia, you need help, you are sick and bipolar and may god be with you

> and help you " ? What? What in the hell is she talking about??

>

> Argh, I am so angry and hurt.

> I have to run now, I have a doctor appt for my stress and my severe

> heartburn, probably caused by my mother.

>

> I will write more later when I am done at the doctors.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent......

> It feels good to consider my mother dead now, and finally move on

> with my life, since she is my only source of pain in my life...

>

> Love you all,

> Mia

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you, Mia! Keep going in the direction of what's best for

you. Aren't you relieved that your mother doesn't live across the

street anymore? Bonus!!

Your neighbors sound like nice folks --

-Kyla

>

> Okay everyone, I have not been online lately, lots going on around

> here. But I finally told my 60 year old mother to fuck off. I am

over

> her shit and she is now out of my life and the life of my kids

> forever!! I will not allow her to hurt me anymore, I am over being

> hurt by her over and over again.

> Today, she almost had me arrested, or she tried to at least.

>

> Long story short, she said I stole stuff out of her home. I did

take

> some suitcases and some wood that belonged to me, but I took the

> suitcases because I thought she had left them behind. She is a

little

> senial in her old age and I assumed that she had forgotten to take

> her suitcases when she moved out of her home. She sold her house,

and

> I live across the street from her " now empty " home. The new people

> are moving in this coming weekend, the new owner's that is.

>

> Anyway, I was driving to the store with my kids, when I noticed

that

> the wood that I had lent my mom to move her washer and dryer was

> being thrown in the trash by some strange painters. This wood was

> hand made and carved by my husband to make a new bed for our 2

year

> old son. It worked great though with moving a washer and dryer

into a

> truck though, I used them as ramps to help my mom. Anyway, these

> strange painters (who were hired by the new home owners) were

> throwing this very expensive wood away, that was my husbands. So I

> stopped and told them who I was, and that the wood was mine and it

> was supposed to be returned to me by my mother when she moved out

of

> her house last weekend, but she never returned it to me when she

> moved out. My mother doesn't give a shit about other people's

things,

> so she just left my son's bed parts in her garage to be thrown in

the

> trash (this is very nice and expensive wood by the way).

> So the painters loaded the wood up for me into my mini-van and

then

> they said to me " Your mom also left a few suitcases behind in her

> garage, we were told to get rid of anything left behind, so we

were

> going to throw them out, why don't you take them and give them to

> your mother? " . I was hesitant, but I allowed them to load these

> suitcases into my van, they have been sitting in my van for 2 days

> now, with the intention of me giving them to my mom next time that

I

> saw her.

>

> WEll, as it turns out, the suitcases belonged to the new home

owners,

> they had left them there, and the painters didn't know about it.

>

> So when the owners went to their new home today, their belongings

> were gone, and they were upset. So they called my mom's agent and

> then my mom, and my mother told the agent and the new owner's that

> that I must have stolen the items. So I get a horrible message on

my

> cell phone from my mother saying that I am going to be arrested

for

> breaking in and entering (I never even went into the home - I was

in

> the driveway) and also that I would be in jail (knowing that I

have a

> 2 year old here and a 5 year old with me at home, and my husband

is

> gone in the military and never home. Then my mom's real estate

agent

> called, and reamed me a new a-hole, and wouldn't even let me

explain

> or get a word in edge wise, basically yelled at me, called me a

thief

> and said I would be going to jail and to explain it to a judge. I

was

> so upset, I was crying, and so emotionally wrecked, I called my

mom

> and she hung up on me, no one would allow me to explain what

really

> happened. I was doing my mother a favor, so that the painters

> wouldn't throw her things in the trash, at least that was my

> intention.

>

> So I drove across the street, crying my eyes out, and thankfully

the

> new owners were there and the painters (who gave me the suitcases

in

> the first place) were all there, and the owner immediately

apologized

> to me and said it was a huge misunderstanding and that the

painters

> told her that they made me take the stuff saying it was probably

my

> mother's stuff and they were told to throw any belongings in the

> trash. So I didn't get into trouble, I gladly returned the

suitcases,

> which I never even opened at all, and it was over with. But I was

> still crying because I couldn't believe that my mother would tell

> people that I probably broke into her house and stole their

personal

> belongings. Why would she do that? And my own mother told them to

> have me arrested!! KNowing I have young children, what if the

police

> didn't believe me and they arrested me in front of my 2 young

> children? What would have happened to my kids? I was devasted that

my

> mom didn't consider the consequences of her evil actions,

especially

> since my mom knows that I am NOT a THIEF, and I have never been a

> thief in my entire life!! She knows me very well, and knows how

much

> I hate thieves!!

>

> I think my mother has finally lost her mind. All 3 of my sisters

were

> also devasted and tried to calm me down today. They are all

cutting

> our mother off too, they are sick and tired of her hurting me all

of

> the time over and over again, after everything I have done for her

> since my dad left her (3 years ago) - I have always been there for

> her, when no one else would bail her out...........I even bailed

her

> out of jail 2 years ago when she got that DUI........

> And this is the fucking thanks I get....!!

>

> She will never see me or my kids again, I am done with her crazy

shit

> and I told her that today......

>

> And guess what her response was to me?

>

> " Mia, you need help, you are sick and bipolar and may god be with

you

> and help you " ? What? What in the hell is she talking about??

>

> Argh, I am so angry and hurt.

> I have to run now, I have a doctor appt for my stress and my

severe

> heartburn, probably caused by my mother.

>

> I will write more later when I am done at the doctors.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent......

> It feels good to consider my mother dead now, and finally move on

> with my life, since she is my only source of pain in my life...

>

> Love you all,

> Mia

>

[Guest guest]

{{HUGS Mia}}

I got used to enjoying the projection when I realized nada was calling me the

names she deserved. My own little revenge. Nya Nya

But: I predict a feeling of freedom for you now. I truly enjoyed the few years

of NC.

Unfortunately I went back( a supposed deathbed thing) and now she really is

frail and needs help. She actually makes an effort now to be agreeable, not that

I believe her for a second( well, sometimes I do get a bit silly, but she always

snaps me out of it with something really nasty before long). Still it smooths

the required contact.

Make your own plans and dont even think of her. Its great!

Beverley

.

---------------------------------

Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot

with the All-new Yahoo! Mail

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for your support and your kind words!!!!

It's just still very difficult for me to understand how my mother

cannot see " How she is " . Especially when all 4 of her children have

told her, many of times..... over and over again.......Why doesn't

she ever " get it " ?

If many people were telling me something, over and over again, I

would at least check into it and see if I had a problem........Which

I have before, when others pointed out my drinking problems......I

have been sober for 2 weeks now, and it's great, I make changes when

I know I have to, I can really see my own faults, more then anyone

else can see them usually. Why can't she see it?? It's so hard for me

to accept that she really cannot see how she is??

Mia

>

>

>

> {{HUGS Mia}}

>

> I got used to enjoying the projection when I realized nada was

calling me the names she deserved. My own little revenge. Nya Nya

>

> But: I predict a feeling of freedom for you now. I truly enjoyed

the few years of NC.

>

> Unfortunately I went back( a supposed deathbed thing) and now she

really is frail and needs help. She actually makes an effort now to

be agreeable, not that I believe her for a second( well, sometimes I

do get a bit silly, but she always snaps me out of it with something

really nasty before long). Still it smooths the required contact.

>

> Make your own plans and dont even think of her. Its great!

>

> Beverley

> .

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk

email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mia

You wrote...

> It's just still very difficult for me to understand how my mother

> cannot see " How she is " . Especially when all 4 of her children have

> told her, many of times..... over and over again.......Why doesn't

> she ever " get it " ?

BECAUSE SHE IS MENTALLY ILL.

> If many people were telling me something, over and over again, I

> would at least check into it and see if I had a problem....

> Why can't she see it?? It's so hard for me

> to accept that she really cannot see how she is??

BECAUSE SHE IS MENTALLY ILL.

When I get on it about my nada's..... what ever, (you fill in the blank) I just

repeat this to

myself like a mantra. That and the other one I like. THERE IS NO REASONING WITH

UNREASONABLE PEOPLE (NADA)

I can control my reactions by recognizing the symptoms. Clenching my fists,

raising my

voice tensing my shoulders the onset of the blinding headache...feel free to

fill in your

favorite nada induced malady here. I disconnect with the situation both

literally and

figuratively and focus on my breathing and just repeat my little mantra to

myself. That

broken record technique works with us too.

good luck,

Carla

[Guest guest]

Yes, my NADA is definately mentally ill. I will try to repeat that

saying of yours to myself regulary: THERE IS NO REASONING WITH

UNREASONABLE PEOPLE.

It makes a lot of sense.

Also, if our NADA's are mentally ill, and this is a sickness, then

shouldn't we be supportive and not hate them as much? That would be

impossible for me to do, but wouldn't that be a normal reaction to

any illness? To be comforting and supportive to the one with the

illness?

Mia

>

> Mia

>

> You wrote...

>

> > It's just still very difficult for me to understand how my mother

> > cannot see " How she is " . Especially when all 4 of her children

have

> > told her, many of times..... over and over again.......Why

doesn't

> > she ever " get it " ?

>

> BECAUSE SHE IS MENTALLY ILL.

>

> > If many people were telling me something, over and over again, I

> > would at least check into it and see if I had a problem....

>

> > Why can't she see it?? It's so hard for me

> > to accept that she really cannot see how she is??

>

> BECAUSE SHE IS MENTALLY ILL.

>

> When I get on it about my nada's..... what ever, (you fill in the

blank) I just repeat this to

> myself like a mantra. That and the other one I like. THERE IS NO

REASONING WITH

> UNREASONABLE PEOPLE (NADA)

>

> I can control my reactions by recognizing the symptoms. Clenching

my fists, raising my

> voice tensing my shoulders the onset of the blinding

headache...feel free to fill in your

> favorite nada induced malady here. I disconnect with the situation

both literally and

> figuratively and focus on my breathing and just repeat my little

mantra to myself. That

> broken record technique works with us too.

>

> good luck,

>

> Carla

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Honey! You can give of yourself and be comforting and supportive and warm

until your mind and body give out and you die on the spot whereupon she will

kick you poor dried up carcass aside and wonder why nobody is ever around to

look after her.

Please reread SWOE etc where it is well spelled out how you can best help by

being your best self.

We get testy here because we are human and there is no mental illness that is

more taxing to the families, so we let off steam and ask for support. But we

know deep down they are sick. We are just trying to live a decent life and keep

them from dragging us down into their misery. It doesnt do them any good and

ruins our lives too.

I am very concerned about the plight of mountain lions, but I would never go

near one!

Beverley

mia2amazeu wrote: Yes, my

NADA is definately mentally ill. I will try to repeat that

saying of yours to myself regulary: THERE IS NO REASONING WITH

UNREASONABLE PEOPLE.

It makes a lot of sense.

Also, if our NADA's are mentally ill, and this is a sickness, then

shouldn't we be supportive and not hate them as much? That would be

impossible for me to do, but wouldn't that be a normal reaction to

any illness? To be comforting and supportive to the one with the

illness?

Mia

>

> Mia

>

> You wrote...

>

> > It's just still very difficult for me to understand how my mother

> > cannot see " How she is " . Especially when all 4 of her children

have

> > told her, many of times..... over and over again.......Why

doesn't

> > she ever " get it " ?

>

> BECAUSE SHE IS MENTALLY ILL.

>

> > If many people were telling me something, over and over again, I

> > would at least check into it and see if I had a problem....

>

> > Why can't she see it?? It's so hard for me

> > to accept that she really cannot see how she is??

>

> BECAUSE SHE IS MENTALLY ILL.

>

> When I get on it about my nada's..... what ever, (you fill in the

blank) I just repeat this to

> myself like a mantra. That and the other one I like. THERE IS NO

REASONING WITH

> UNREASONABLE PEOPLE (NADA)

>

> I can control my reactions by recognizing the symptoms. Clenching

my fists, raising my

> voice tensing my shoulders the onset of the blinding

headache...feel free to fill in your

> favorite nada induced malady here. I disconnect with the situation

both literally and

> figuratively and focus on my breathing and just repeat my little

mantra to myself. That

> broken record technique works with us too.

>

> good luck,

>

> Carla

>

---------------------------------

Ask a question on any topic and get answers from real people. Go to Yahoo!

Answers.

[Guest guest]

Mia,

I've been working that issue over and over in my head for the last year. I'm mad

at her. Ok, I'm furious. I catch myself thinking things like " If she'd just

sought out some help early on, I wouldn't have had to go through what I did and

I wouldn't have to do all this work to recover. " or " Why me? " type thoughts, and

they really piss me off! But then, I feel like I'm not being a compassionate

person. She can't help it, and the nature of the illness is such that its

practically impossible for her to seek help. She can't admit to herself that

there might be something wrong with her, because she's got herself split white.

I think if she did, she'd have some kind of 'does not compute' type malfunction

and explode! Besides, she is my mother and I do love her, despite everything,

and I want her to be happy and healthy. That's a move only she can make, and I'm

ready to help her and be there for her if she does someday.

But she did do lasting damage to me that has caused problems in my adult life,

and consistently makes me miserable. I'm beginning to realize that as a human

being, I have a right to be angry about it. If I hurt another person as badly as

she's hurt me, I would expect an angry reaction. And jailtime! A normal reaction

to illness is compassion, but a normal reaction to pain is anger at the one who

caused it. I think, for me, the anger is beginning to fade and compassion comes

easier. I think we all just need time to allow ourselves to get really pissed

off, accept that anger for what it is (the result of deep hurt) and move on as

we heal. So let yourself get as mad as you need to, you can worry about

comforting and suporting her when you're done comforting and supporting YOU. You

went many years without getting the comfort and support you needed from her, and

giving her all she needed. It's your turn now!

Jae

Re: NC = No Contact Right? - Okay I did it !! It

was a long time coming....

Yes, my NADA is definately mentally ill. I will try to repeat that

saying of yours to myself regulary: THERE IS NO REASONING WITH

UNREASONABLE PEOPLE.

It makes a lot of sense.

Also, if our NADA's are mentally ill, and this is a sickness, then

shouldn't we be supportive and not hate them as much? That would be

impossible for me to do, but wouldn't that be a normal reaction to

any illness? To be comforting and supportive to the one with the

illness?

Mia

>

> Mia

>

> You wrote...

>

> > It's just still very difficult for me to understand how my mother

> > cannot see " How she is " . Especially when all 4 of her children

have

> > told her, many of times..... over and over again....... Why

doesn't

> > she ever " get it " ?

>

> BECAUSE SHE IS MENTALLY ILL.

>

> > If many people were telling me something, over and over again, I

> > would at least check into it and see if I had a problem....

>

> > Why can't she see it?? It's so hard for me

> > to accept that she really cannot see how she is??

>

> BECAUSE SHE IS MENTALLY ILL.

>

> When I get on it about my nada's..... what ever, (you fill in the

blank) I just repeat this to

> myself like a mantra. That and the other one I like. THERE IS NO

REASONING WITH

> UNREASONABLE PEOPLE (NADA)

>

> I can control my reactions by recognizing the symptoms. Clenching

my fists, raising my

> voice tensing my shoulders the onset of the blinding

headache...feel free to fill in your

> favorite nada induced malady here. I disconnect with the situation

both literally and

> figuratively and focus on my breathing and just repeat my little

mantra to myself. That

> broken record technique works with us too.

>

> good luck,

>

> Carla

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

My nada was never comforting to me when I was sick.

-Deanna

>

> Yes, my NADA is definately mentally ill. I will try to repeat that

> saying of yours to myself regulary: THERE IS NO REASONING WITH

> UNREASONABLE PEOPLE.

>

> It makes a lot of sense.

>

> Also, if our NADA's are mentally ill, and this is a sickness, then

> shouldn't we be supportive and not hate them as much? That would be

> impossible for me to do, but wouldn't that be a normal reaction to

> any illness? To be comforting and supportive to the one with the

> illness?

>

> Mia

[Guest guest]

i'm not sure my mother was even aware i had feelings as a child. she

used to terrify me in any way she could and thought it was hilarious.

i guess she was more like an annoying sister than a mother, really.

but the some of few times she was nice to me, was when i was sick. she

would take great care of me, and make me soup, and be all kind to me.

that was the only time i was allowed in her bed, and boy did i relish

that. otherwise she thought i was " dirty " and i wasn't allowed in her bed.

> >

> > My nada was never comforting to me when I was sick.

> > -Deanna

> >

> >

> >

> > Neither was mine....dad laughs and tells the story of me sickly as a

> > toddler. I guess I threw up daily for my first few years until they

> > took out my tonsils. Anyways he likes to tell the story that I

> > would be throwing up while chasing my nada around, crying for her,

> > and she would be running away from me gagging......all the while he

> > would be laughing!!!

> >

> > How nice......she never could handle someone puking, not even her

> > own babies.

> >

> > drlingirl

> >

>

[Guest guest]

How should we be supportive? How can we be supportive? If someone

has a physical illness, we are supportive by understanding their

present limits,until they have recovered. We may help them in many

ways, meals, driving, errands, just sitting and keeping them company

if they are physically limited. But it is understood that a

physically ill person is DOING SOMETHING to get better. They are in

the hospital, or taking medication, or in physical therapy, etc.

What is your mentally ill mother doing to get better - what can you be

supportive of? We can UNDERSTAND that they have a mental disorder.

We can understand about projection, black and white thinks,

disassociation, etc. But we can't actually support those actions.

Instead, we can help them be better by teaching them how we expect

them to behave with us - setting our boundaries, and not having a

relationship with them if they don't honor those boundaries.

And sometimes the best we can do is no contact. I will not allow my

spirit and my soul to die in order to be supportive of my BPD nada.

Sylvia

>....> It makes a lot of sense.

>

> Also, if our NADA's are mentally ill, and this is a sickness, then

> shouldn't we be supportive and not hate them as much? That would be

> impossible for me to do, but wouldn't that be a normal reaction to

> any illness? To be comforting and supportive to the one with the

> illness?

>

> Mia

>

........

[Guest guest]

Sylvia,

I love what you wrote here. I have struggled with the same

thoughts/feelings. I was thinking too that when they are physically

ill thier actions dont harm us, but a mentally ill person can harm us

and tenfold. So bottom line have to protect ourselves no one else is

going to.

> >....> It makes a lot of sense.

> >

> > Also, if our NADA's are mentally ill, and this is a sickness, then

> > shouldn't we be supportive and not hate them as much? That would be

> > impossible for me to do, but wouldn't that be a normal reaction to

> > any illness? To be comforting and supportive to the one with the

> > illness?

> >

> > Mia

> >

> .......

>