the quieter side of bp?

[Guest guest]

I am interested to know who else out there has seen the side of bpd that

I have seen. As the good child, my bpd mother has always been attached

to me, but not at all in a clingy way like others I have read about. I

could share things with my mother, but she never tried to pry anything

out of me. When I went off to college, she rarely called me. When I

called her, she would say, " I was going to call you but I didn't want to

bother you. " She has said that same thing many times throughout my

adult life. The relationship we maintained as adults was largely

because of my efforts to stay in contact.

My mother didn't often go on the attack with me, and tried to put on a

happy face so I wouldn't see how unhappy she really was. She avoided

confrontation, telling me that she was ok with something even when she

wasn't. (Unfortunately, I usually heard about it later and felt lied

to.) When she was upset, she often avoided talking about it. She

walked out of many conversations. Only when pressed did she reveal how

I was to blame for the unhappiness she was feeling. It was always that

I had " hurt " her or my father, or that I was " abandoning " her. If she

couldn't find an actual thing that I was doing to explain her

unhappiness, she blamed my inner motives and feelings.

My mother was needy, but silently so. She wouldn't ask for help, and

appeared to actually dodge the help I tried to give her. But she still

expressed hurt at the things I didn't do.

My older siblings saw much more witch-like behavior, but I saw more of a

waif/ hermit combo. I still felt beat up by it emotionally, and

recently went NC.

Does what I have described match anyone else's experience?

Allgood