Re: How do they know the EXACT wrong thing to say at the EXACT wrong time?

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I read many of the topics but have not posted in this forum for

about 18 months. Your story shot an arrow of sadness deep into my

heart. I think I have missed your previous posts. I mean no

offence and I am only offering my opinions here.

How and why are you in that insane asylum that is called a home??

Do you and your husband live in the same house as your " make

believe " parents? Or do your nada and fada live close to you and

have keys to your home?

If you live in the same house as your tormentors then you have to

find a way to GET OUT! You really have to move. Make no mistake

here, this is a Life and Death struggle. Your nada and fada will

not hesitate to take you down with them. If the crazy bunch have

keys to your home, change the locks. No matter what they have told

you they DO NOT have the right to enter your home uninvited at all

hours of the day and night " because they are family " . This is

called " Breaking and Entering " .

I think all KOs have a deeply hidden secret wish that some day we

will say the magic words, that will break the evil spell and our so

called parents will be instantly transformed into the kind, loving,

and nurturing parents we have longed for all of our lives. Bunny

you know intellectually that this is never going to happen. The

hardest part is to accept it on an emotional level. On the

emotional level the truth of it becomes real. Nadas and fadas are

far too immature to ever be real parents to us.

Find the support of a good therapist if you do not already have

one. Get as far away from the lunatic asylum you call a home as

you possibly can. Consider going NC permanently.

Good Luck.

Sheila

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " Angel Dranbauer "

wrote:

>

> This is going to be a long venting post...I'll warn you in advance

but

> somehow, again, I have found myself at my wits end. Yesterday

started off

> just the worst ever. We all have those days...when you wake up

wrong or

> late or rushed and the entire day ends up shot. Just one of those

days that

> while you are pouring your morning cup of coffee of tea you kind

of think to

> yourself....I really should be pouring myself one gigantic

margarita right

> now.

>

> Let me start off by acknowledging that I have begun to allow myself

> (finally) to be proud of the accomplishments I have made in life.

I have

> begun to set boundaries which have been extremely successful and I

have even

> found ways of going LC with the crazy mess that society has deemed

as my

> parents and I really think I am on the brink of possibly finding a

way of

> going NC on a permanent basis.

>

> Yesterday was just particularly hard for me for some reason...I

was being

> extremely emotional and irritable and have been working on yet

another

> anti-anxiety medication. I woke up to screaming...it was my nada,

fada and

> extremely drunk brother and they were at the bottom of my stairs

screaming.

> Why didn't I just pick up the phone and dial 911? I dunno...in

hindsight I

> wish I had. It was 4am and I was startled and just didn't

think...I went

> into peacemaker roll without a second thought. (Damn! Back to the

drawing

> board...I had avoided being hoovered for almost an entire year

too!) Too

> many things were said to include in this particular post, but

basically I

> ended up sitting at my kitchen table, sobbing as both nada and

fada verbally

> attacked me. (You are a terrible person, you are an embarrassment,

you are a

> terrible mother...blah, blah, blah)....they just hurled these

horrible

> remarks at me for hours. Yes, I know they are just belligerent

idiots but a

> person can only take a verbal lashing for so long before they

snap. I

> finally just ran out of the room and locked myself in the

bathroom. Imagine

> the site...here I am...a 38 year old woman, curled up in the

corner of the

> bathroom with my fingers in my ears, crying and

yelling " lalalalalalalalala "

> to drown out their voices. When they finally left (with no thanks

to my

> husband who went upstairs and hid for those few hours) I just sat

sobbing

> and sobbing. With that, I looked up and there stood nada....she

reached out

> to hug me and said " I don't want you to worry...when everyone

finds out

> about what you did this morning we will just blame it on your

genes (I'm

> adopted---thank GOD). I just kept screaming " get out!! get out!!

get

> out!! " Which she finally did. What the heck??? First of

all...when

> everyone finds out what I did? what did I do? I was asleep at

4am and they

> came and started crap with me!! Secondly, who is everyone? Why

would anyone

> KNOW about this ordeal. (I mean...I know the answer to that

one...everyone

> here knows she is the " town cryer " .) Lastly...what exactly are

you blaming

> on my genes? I was reacting to THEIR insanity!!!

>

> This whole adoption thing is something I really need to get into

more in

> therapy. All I kept saying over and over again was " why, why, why

did they

> pick me? " ...All of the babies there...the picked me out like a

puppy through

> a window and plucked me out of there. What made these two people

who are

> incapable of loving a single thing in this entire world go out of

their way

> to pluck me out of a nursery? Why couldn't they have just left me

alone?

> All I heard all my life was that they really wanted a boy...so why

didn't

> they pick a boy? Why me? Their only answer was because I looked

so

> pathetic....pathetic...that has been the choice adjective for them

since the

> moment they laid eyes on me...pathetic.

>

> I hate them. I mean that genuinely. I hate them. It is by God's

grace that

> I am not a vicious soul. Because of all of the things that they

made me

> believe (which I know now are not remotely true) I was robbed of

not just a

> childhood...I was robbed of love. Because of all the things they

made me

> believe, when I said my prayers at night I would beg God to just

not allow

> me to wake up in the morning. I just wanted to go to sleep and

not wake

> up. It's a morbid thought, but I can remember the exact moment in

time when

> I uttered the phrase " if I should die before I wake, i pray the

lord, my

> soul he will take " ...a big old light bulb went off in my head and

I said to

> myself " wait, wait...is that an option?...i mean, she makes such a

big fuss

> over me saying that prayer...there must be some sort of pretty

good odds

> that it could happen! "

>

> --

> Kisses and Nibbles,

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I'm just now reading through some of the past few weeks of posts.

Man, what a shock to have to wake up like that!

You brought up that you are adopted. I have my younger sister

because of adoption. I know from talking with her that there are

definitely a lot of things to work through psychologically, as far as

finding your own identity (it is so important to many adoptees to

know about their " real " genetic and biological history and family).

I am really angry that your adoptive parents STILL will not realize

what a great honor and PRIVILEDGE it is to have a child, and that

every child deserves dignity and respect. They should have treated

you better in the past, and they should treat you better now. As an

adopted child, some of your psychological buttons are more easily

pushed (i.e., abandonment, feeling unworthy of love, etc.), and a

good parent would have tried to nurture you and help you feel

accepted and cherished. Your parents try to make you feel guilty for

not having the right dna. That's despicable.

I am my parents' biological child, and even then I have wondered why

in the world God would give me to them. I have wondered how on earth

they managed to get through the adoption process and bring my sister

into the family. But she is so precious to me--and I know that

having her in my life kept me from destroying my own. We are now

able to offer each other support, and we are both going to be better,

stronger people because of each other, and because of what we've had

to learn through this adversity.

I say these things simply to encourage you. I know you're a great

person (I've seen your name on the boards for a long time), and I

believe you have a wonderful purpose. It sucks that somehow these

people managed to get a hold of you. It's not anything you could

control. But then again, none of us got to pick our parents. All we

can do is deal with what we got.

I haven't read all the responses to your post, but I would also

suggest changing your locks and/or getting some distance. Anybody

would be disoriented at 4 am, but it's still ok to tell people that

kind of behavior is not acceptable, and that you are not for

abusing. You don't have to put up with that ish if you don't want to.

I've gone on too long, and need to hit the hay. Hang in there, and

keep up the good work. I'm glad you're here.