Broke my nc..... Bad idea.. With good results

[Guest guest]

When I first found this group I read and posted a lot. I was in NC with nada and

doing

ok/good. I am or should say was a guilt filled because of my nc with her. I

think I went

about a year and a half. I would tell you my story but I know we all know how

nadas are.

I was having difficulty with the nc and the good side of me was wanting to check

in with

nada and see if she was okay and to put a foot forward and be a healthy, strong

person

and basically do the right thing and reach out.

I posted about forgiveness and got a great response (mostly con) but it helped

me a lot to

make this STUPID decision to contact. You can guess why I say stupid

During my nc nada had emailed me about every 4 months with little guilt filled

notes

about herself. Her last was how sorry she was for being a bad mother but did

try...bla, bla,

bla.

Well the last one got to me and I emailed her back about a month later. I was

nice and

polite and even sent a current picture of my daughter and wished her my best.

Of course she emailed me back like a month later and stated very clearly that I

will never

hear from her again (If I had a dollar for every time I herd that) and basically

says horrible

and disgusting things to me.

Happy New Year to me !

I always saved her emails and after I read this I deleted her out of my email

and feel like I

got the closer I needed. Maybe I needed a reminder of how absolutely crazy she

is. Not

just BPD but crazy.

I know I am a good person and a great daughter. I know I am healthy and strong

and it is

to sad that she will never get to enjoy me. Her loss. I sleep well at night

knowing that I can

with my heart say a prayer for her.

But she will never be allowed to talk to me again. And the reason I know this is

I feel no

guilt. For the first time in my life I feel no guilt from her. I wont go as far

as to say that I

do not feel blue about her but no guilt.

So now I can say Happy New Year to me.

I wish all of us a strong and healthy New Year.

Trina

[Guest guest]

Yep, even we tend to remember things as being better than they were. It

takes a return visit to convince us that it really was worse then hell.

They really are completely insane aren't they?!

> When I first found this group I read and posted a lot. I was in NC

> with nada and doing

> ok/good. I am or should say was a guilt filled because of my nc with

> her. I think I went

> about a year and a half. I would tell you my story but I know we all

> know how nadas are.

> I was having difficulty with the nc and the good side of me was

> wanting to check in with

> nada and see if she was okay and to put a foot forward and be a

> healthy, strong person

> and basically do the right thing and reach out.

> I posted about forgiveness and got a great response (mostly con) but

> it helped me a lot to

> make this STUPID decision to contact. You can guess why I say

> stupid

> During my nc nada had emailed me about every 4 months with little

> guilt filled notes

> about herself. Her last was how sorry she was for being a bad mother

> but did try...bla, bla,

> bla.

> Well the last one got to me and I emailed her back about a month

> later. I was nice and

> polite and even sent a current picture of my daughter and wished her

> my best.

> Of course she emailed me back like a month later and stated very

> clearly that I will never

> hear from her again (If I had a dollar for every time I herd that) and

> basically says horrible

> and disgusting things to me.

> Happy New Year to me !

> I always saved her emails and after I read this I deleted her out of

> my email and feel like I

> got the closer I needed. Maybe I needed a reminder of how absolutely

> crazy she is. Not

> just BPD but crazy.

> I know I am a good person and a great daughter. I know I am healthy

> and strong and it is

> to sad that she will never get to enjoy me. Her loss. I sleep well at

> night knowing that I can

> with my heart say a prayer for her.

> But she will never be allowed to talk to me again. And the reason I

> know this is I feel no

> guilt. For the first time in my life I feel no guilt from her. I wont

> go as far as to say that I

> do not feel blue about her but no guilt.

> So now I can say Happy New Year to me.

> I wish all of us a strong and healthy New Year.

> Trina

>

>

>

>

>

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

Hey, Trina! It's not " stupid " if it cured you of that nagging guilt

that you should reach out after one of her guilt-inducing e-mails.

And, lo and behold, she hasn't changed. What a surprise!

I'm glad you shared this update with the group because I am where you

were before you responded to your nada: feeling guilty, like I need

to reach out, etc. Even though they (nada and fada) make NO attempt

to reach out to me.

However, I think I will attempt to just go by for a brief visit like

my dad keeps asking me to, and see what happens. Maybe I'll be cured

like you!

Thanks again for sharing --

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

That's great, Trina! Congratulations on finding yourself and what

makes you happy. There's nothing " bad " about reaching out to your

nada and hoping for better results.

" Guilt is absent when the act is justified. "

Perhaps you don't feel guilt anymore because you've reached out in a

healthy manner and attempted to set boundaries that she's violated.

Your NC has allowed you to see and experience the situation as it

truly occured vs. through the eyes of a wounded child.

You're right. You are healthy and growing. You're making changes

and living your life. You are on the road to living your life and

not blaming everyone else around you for misery or chaos.

It's great to see your progress. It gives me hope. Now, I'm going

to have to start on my own road and begin the arduous journey of LC

or NC.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Smiles,

Dolly