This is the best advice Re: I need advice. I think my mother has BPD

[Guest guest]

You are so right! She knows just what buttons to push with me, and I let her.

This is exactly what I need to hear, since my conscious mind was not thinking

rationally at the time. I have done just that, ignored her. No phone calls, no

e-mails, nothing. The peace and quiet is priceless! It is giving me time to

regroup and prepare. Because I know she will be back sooner or later.

I spent the weekend reading UBM and SWOE and started the SWOEW. These are

FANTASTIC tools, and it is so supportive to know that there are other people out

there just like me. What I learned from the books are that my actions and

responses with her where not helping the situation. It was like this light bulb

just turned on in my head. I had know idea I was helping in fueling her fire.

Now I have a better understanding of what is going on in her mind (as she is

truely a " Queen " with some traits of a " Witch " ). I have to stop acting like I

am her mother, caretaker, and confidant. She is my Nada and I love her, but I

am going to do what is best for me from now on.

Deb

Re: I need advice. I think my mother has BPD

Debbie --

What's the problem? Ignore her!

You are an adult -- Adults don't have to explain themselves and

justify themselves all over the place simply because there's a BPD

having a meltdown.

Making Christmas plans to go somewhere is NOTHING new. If your

mother can't deal with it -- is anyone surprised?

I'd completely ignore her e-mail. If she asks you directly about

next Christmas, give her a one or two sentence " explanation " -- and

if she wants to drag you through the mud, you can repeat the same

explanation ONE MORE TIME (broken record technique), then maybe

say " I've already told you. I don't need to tell you any more. " (or

whatever your words are..)

If you feel you have to explain yourself to the queen, then you're

ALSO sending the message that you are her subject and OWE her an

explanation. YOU DON'T.

Again, I ask you to think about why on earth you need to explain

anything any further to ANY ONE. Your e-mail to your brother was

plenty -- it even had justifications that weren't necessary, but

that was fine, and your brother was a NORMAL human about it.

Your mother? She's not an emotionally balanced person -- you can't

reason with her. She has no right to demand how YOUR family will

spend their time -- Christmas or otherwise. (And MY GOODNESS,

you've given her a YEAR's NOTICE!!! If I were in her shoes, I'd be

planning a cruise with some girlfriends over the holidays next year!)

Again -- don't overexplain yourself. Don't justify your family

decisions. You're too tangled up in your MOTHER's feelings and

emotions. Untangle. Get away from it. Let her spin into a

tornado. It's not your business.

-Kyla

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile.. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ