Re: another birthday problem....im so upset.

[Guest guest]

I agree -- it's ABSOLUTELY bait! It's also more evidence she's the

same -- hasn't changed.

She is merely using your birthday as a front to try and rattle you

into contacting her. Another BPD trojan horse.

I'd ignore it. And yes -- it sucks. What a selfish thing for her to

do on YOUR day. One day out of the freakin' year, you'd think they

could make it about US!!

-Kyla

[Guest guest]

Hi Sara Jo,

When you opened the card, did some of the FOG roll out of it into

the air? This is really heavy on the obligation and guilt. But she

did do a good job of making YOUR birthday card about HER, don't you

think?

It is so typical of a nada to just forget all the nasty stuff and

act like the only thing wrong is what the KO is doing!

I hope you had - or will have - a great birthday.

sylvia

>

> I checked my mail today, and NADA sent me a birthday card. Here is

> what it says (what was printed in the card):

> " Daughter..With each year you have grown, changed, and become more

> certain of your place in the world. And now just look at you..a

> beautiful heart, a beautiful spirit, a beautiful daughter whose

life

> is taking flight. Wherever you go in life know that you'll be

going

> with love " and then she signed it " happy birthday, sara. I love

you,

> mom: then she drew a SAD FACE.

>

> Lets backtrack a bit shall we? Less than 2 months ago, here are

some

> random things she wrote to me in an email....

>

> " you are alienating everyone! everyone is shocked by your

behavior! "

> (referring to the rest of my family).

>

> " I dont know what happened to the Sara with the heart of gold! "

>

> " you have forgotten who you are and where you came from "

>

> " you have made this so bad that it will be impossible to repair "

>

> " YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE THAT HAS TREATED ME LIKE

SHIT

> IN MY LIFE! IN FACT YOU ARE WORSE! "

>

> " i DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU! i WOULD RATHER DIE FIRST " (she

said

> this when I offered to help her out with some stuff when she was

mad

> at me at the last blow out, right before I went NC)

>

> Then there was another quote where she ridiculed me for seeing a

> therapist, saying all they do is patronize you, and then in a

later

> email, she said " you really need help. Maybe a new therapist " ?

>

> I am so livid right now.

> I think now would be the time to write her a letter explaining why

I

> can't have anything to do with her anymore. What do you all think?

>

> Appreciate your insight.

> ~Sara Jo

>

[Guest guest]

HAHA Sylvia, yeah! The FOG just rolled into the air!

Someone else on here mentioned that the card might have been a more

mature side of my mom...because of what was printed in the

card....referring to the realization that I've seperated and am now

an individual.

Before all this bday stuff I have been considering writing her a

letter or giving her a call....just to explain to her why I've been

NC.. I kind of never gave her an explanation. My last communication

with her did not say anything about me being upset with her...just a

bland statement of how sorry I am that things have come to this.

i know a call or a letter won't change who she is. But I feel that by

voicing myself will liberate me somehow.

I've been brewing over this for weeks.

> >

> > I checked my mail today, and NADA sent me a birthday card. Here

is

> > what it says (what was printed in the card):

> > " Daughter..With each year you have grown, changed, and become

more

> > certain of your place in the world. And now just look at you..a

> > beautiful heart, a beautiful spirit, a beautiful daughter whose

> life

> > is taking flight. Wherever you go in life know that you'll be

> going

> > with love " and then she signed it " happy birthday, sara. I love

> you,

> > mom: then she drew a SAD FACE.

> >

> > Lets backtrack a bit shall we? Less than 2 months ago, here are

> some

> > random things she wrote to me in an email....

> >

> > " you are alienating everyone! everyone is shocked by your

> behavior! "

> > (referring to the rest of my family).

> >

> > " I dont know what happened to the Sara with the heart of gold! "

> >

> > " you have forgotten who you are and where you came from "

> >

> > " you have made this so bad that it will be impossible to repair "

> >

> > " YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE THAT HAS TREATED ME LIKE

> SHIT

> > IN MY LIFE! IN FACT YOU ARE WORSE! "

> >

> > " i DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU! i WOULD RATHER DIE FIRST " (she

> said

> > this when I offered to help her out with some stuff when she was

> mad

> > at me at the last blow out, right before I went NC)

> >

> > Then there was another quote where she ridiculed me for seeing a

> > therapist, saying all they do is patronize you, and then in a

> later

> > email, she said " you really need help. Maybe a new therapist " ?

> >

> > I am so livid right now.

> > I think now would be the time to write her a letter explaining

why

> I

> > can't have anything to do with her anymore. What do you all think?

> >

> > Appreciate your insight.

> > ~Sara Jo

> >

>

[Guest guest]

When I went NC, I wrote a letter to my nada, and sent a copy to fada

as well. I sent them certified (I think that is the term). They

had to sign for them, so I know they got them. I did it for the

same reason that you are thinking of doing it. Up until that time,

I had pretty much acted like everything was okay. I was following

the foo line of ignore, pretend it didn't happen, walk on eggshells,

etc. I needed to make the statement for myself, and I did not want

to do it face to face, because I wanted to be heard. I felt that

the written word would give me that. I really felt that they could

hear me better by reading than by listening.

To this day, I do not regret sending that letter. Did it change

them? NO! But that wasn't my purpose. Did it change me? YES. For

the first time, I spoke my truth to them, and put it in writing.

They could show it to anyone, I was not ashamed of anything that I

wrote. I put it all out there. There was no more pretending. No

matter how they tried to rationalized, they heard my truth.

If this is something you need to do for yourself, then do it. Write

the letter. Maybe you will want to hold on to it for awhile, just

to see if you really, really want to send it. And you know what,

written or not, sent or not, that letter is not the end of the

world. If you write it and send it, and later wish you hadn't,

well, then, you learned something. That is all. We do the best

with what we have and what we know in the present. We shouldn't

have regrets over that.

You are a very brave person. I am happy and excited for you,

because I truely believe that you are working through your issues

and you will come out of all these struggles as a self-confident and

caring woman.

Take care,

Sylvia

> > >

> > > I checked my mail today, and NADA sent me a birthday card.

Here

> is

> > > what it says (what was printed in the card):

> > > " Daughter..With each year you have grown, changed, and become

> more

> > > certain of your place in the world. And now just look at

you..a

> > > beautiful heart, a beautiful spirit, a beautiful daughter

whose

> > life

> > > is taking flight. Wherever you go in life know that you'll be

> > going

> > > with love " and then she signed it " happy birthday, sara. I

love

> > you,

> > > mom: then she drew a SAD FACE.

> > >

> > > Lets backtrack a bit shall we? Less than 2 months ago, here

are

> > some

> > > random things she wrote to me in an email....

> > >

> > > " you are alienating everyone! everyone is shocked by your

> > behavior! "

> > > (referring to the rest of my family).

> > >

> > > " I dont know what happened to the Sara with the heart of gold! "

> > >

> > > " you have forgotten who you are and where you came from "

> > >

> > > " you have made this so bad that it will be impossible to

repair "

> > >

> > > " YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE THAT HAS TREATED ME

LIKE

> > SHIT

> > > IN MY LIFE! IN FACT YOU ARE WORSE! "

> > >

> > > " i DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU! i WOULD RATHER DIE FIRST "

(she

> > said

> > > this when I offered to help her out with some stuff when she

was

> > mad

> > > at me at the last blow out, right before I went NC)

> > >

> > > Then there was another quote where she ridiculed me for seeing

a

> > > therapist, saying all they do is patronize you, and then in a

> > later

> > > email, she said " you really need help. Maybe a new therapist " ?

> > >

> > > I am so livid right now.

> > > I think now would be the time to write her a letter explaining

> why

> > I

> > > can't have anything to do with her anymore. What do you all

think?

> > >

> > > Appreciate your insight.

> > > ~Sara Jo

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

i have definitely heard most of those comments from my nada as well

in birthday cards, christmas cards, random texts etc. i think the

best thing to do is IGNORE THEM. if you respond to them at all, it's

just reinforcing the behavior. ANY attention is better than no

attention to her, which is what she's trying to get

>

> I checked my mail today, and NADA sent me a birthday card. Here is

> what it says (what was printed in the card):

> " Daughter..With each year you have grown, changed, and become more

> certain of your place in the world. And now just look at you..a

> beautiful heart, a beautiful spirit, a beautiful daughter whose

life

> is taking flight. Wherever you go in life know that you'll be going

> with love " and then she signed it " happy birthday, sara. I love

you,

> mom: then she drew a SAD FACE.

>

> Lets backtrack a bit shall we? Less than 2 months ago, here are

some

> random things she wrote to me in an email....

>

> " you are alienating everyone! everyone is shocked by your

behavior! "

> (referring to the rest of my family).

>

> " I dont know what happened to the Sara with the heart of gold! "

>

> " you have forgotten who you are and where you came from "

>

> " you have made this so bad that it will be impossible to repair "

>

> " YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE THAT HAS TREATED ME LIKE

SHIT

> IN MY LIFE! IN FACT YOU ARE WORSE! "

>

> " i DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU! i WOULD RATHER DIE FIRST " (she

said

> this when I offered to help her out with some stuff when she was

mad

> at me at the last blow out, right before I went NC)

>

> Then there was another quote where she ridiculed me for seeing a

> therapist, saying all they do is patronize you, and then in a later

> email, she said " you really need help. Maybe a new therapist " ?

>

> I am so livid right now.

> I think now would be the time to write her a letter explaining why

I

> can't have anything to do with her anymore. What do you all think?

>

> Appreciate your insight.

> ~Sara Jo

>